Jesus walks into a hotel, slams four nails down on the counter, and says, "Put me up for the night!" The concierge looks at him and says, "You're not Jesus. Jesus was brutally murdered approximately 1,970 years ago. And although I may not be a believer, his teachings have brought comfort and solace to millions of people around the world. Nor do we accept nails as payment. Please remove yourself from the premises or I will call security."

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A guy walks into a bar and says, "Ouch!"

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What do u call a guy that loves the color blue? A smurf

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Why can't women drive? Actually, they can as long as they legally acquire a driver's license and have no existing restrictions.

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How long does it take to cook a baby in the microwave? I don't know, I was too busy jacking off.

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What do you call a three legged man? Horribly deformed

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Susie is 14 & she never listens to her mom, why is that? She's deaf.

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Knock, knock. The man knocking finds a note taped to the door saying "we'll be back in a week", the man proceeds to walk back home and tell his wife that they weren't home and that he'll return the rake he borrowed from them next week when they're back.

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Roses are Red. Violets are Blue. Grandma's dead. call the paramedics.

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What's the difference between a tube of toothpaste and Youtube? If you squeeze a tube of toothpaste then toothpaste comes out. You cannot squeeze Youtube because it is a popular video sharing website. Even if you could squeeze it, no toothpaste would come out..

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Why did the tree fall? I cut it.

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What do you call an Italian baby born with an extra toe? He was named Vincent Antonio Linguini and has been doing well with six toes.

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How fast is the speed of sex? 70 mph, minimum 40 mph

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Ask me if I'm a tree. Are you a tree? No.

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Why didn't Tommy walk to school? 'Cause he was in a wheelchair..

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What did the peach say to the apple? Nothing. Peaches can't talk.

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Why'd the cat have one eye? It got kicked by a goat.

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Women's Rights

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Two elephants are in a bath tub. The first elephant says to the other elephant, "can you pass the soap?" The second elephant then replied, "No soap, radio."

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There are two muffins sitting in an oven. One says "boy it sure is hot in here." The other says,"yeah like 350-375"

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Your so ugly That when you look into a mirror it shows an accurate potrail of your unproportionit face

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what did the jewish man say to the christian man on the first day of hannukah? i like basketball

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How do you have sex with the blue waffle? stick your penis inside

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What's green and has wheels? Grass. I was kidding about the wheels.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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