Q: What is hard and long on a man? A: His wife's funeral

thumb_up thumb_down +17

The pope and three young boys get into a cab. The pope tells the driver to take the boys home.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Two muffins are in an oven. One muffin says its getting hot in here the other muffin say holy shit a talking muffin.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

A blonde walks into a library. "PLEASE CAN I HAVE A CHEESEBURGER?!" he shouts at the top of his lungs. "Sir, this is a library," the librarian says. "Oh, sorry," he whispers and goes to McDonald's Two years of the routine and he dies of of heart failure and has diabetes.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Did you hear the one about the priest, the rabbi, the astronaut, the olympic diver, the mcdonald's employee, and the web designer? Neither did I...

thumb_up thumb_down +9

How do you get rid of a boomerang? There are many potential options for getting rid of your boomerang. You can choose to pass it on to somebody as a gift, make a profit through thrift stores or online auctions or perhaps sell it in a newspaper. Alternatively you may wish to simply dispose of it. The average reading speed of an American adult is 300 words per minute. This was exactly 100 words. This means that it took approximately 20 seconds to read it. This means that approximately 4 people died of cancer world wide while you read this.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Why coulden't the fish swim? He got poked in the eye with my nipple. My nipples get really big when I'm swimming in cold water.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why was the boy sad? His friend stabbed him with a fork. Also, his mother died. Also, his dad raped him Also, he has a chode. And it really sucks when you have a chode.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What's black and blue and red all over? A person who was just in a fight.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Jesus walks into a hotel, slams four nails down on the counter, and says, "Put me up for the night!" The concierge looks at him and says, "You're not Jesus. Jesus was brutally murdered approximately 1,970 years ago. And although I may not be a believer, his teachings have brought comfort and solace to millions of people around the world. Nor do we accept nails as payment. Please remove yourself from the premises or I will call security."

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What would George Washington do if he was alive today? Scream and scrach at the top of his coffin.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Want to hear a joke about Potassium? So do I.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Your momma's so ugly she adopted you because she had a problem attracting men.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

If you're American when you go into the bathroom, and American when you come out, what are you inside? American! What are you, a communist?

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Why are atheists stupid? Actually, statistically, they are more intelligent than believers.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

A barrel of monkeys is only a barrel of laughs if they're alive and telling jokes.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

As a teen girl was walking through the perfume shop, she picked up one called, "Swirly Paradise." She sprayed it on her and sniffed the sweet scent. Suddenly, the world spun around and she suddenly woke up inside an empty bra. A mouse sniffed her and ate her alive.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

A teenage boy walks into a bar, he doesn't even know he's slowly drinking his life away

thumb_up thumb_down -21

What's sad about four black people in a Cadillac driving off a cliff? Jerome never wanted it to end like this. James, his best friend, was drunk... Again. That was just the way he was. He got wasted, did something stupid, apologized, and then did it again. But this time, there would be no next time. They were supposed to be going to their graduation party, but instead, James fell asleep at the wheel. The cliff was rapidly approaching, and the doors were locked. All Jerome could do now was pray. Also, the Cadillac costed a lot.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Roses are red Violets are purple I just got raped by a clown

thumb_up thumb_down -23

What did the orphan say to the other orphan? Annie is my favorite movie.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't it got hit by a truck

thumb_up thumb_down -119

What would be funny? Seeing justin beiber 's penis.

thumb_up thumb_down +50

What's the difference between a Jew and a Pizza? A Jew is a person either born into or converted to Judaism, and a Pizza is a disc shaped, oven baked bread typically topped with tomato sauce and cheese.

thumb_up thumb_down +48

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops