What did the nurse say to the doctor? Boo-hoo, i was pranked over the phone, i'm gonna kill myself now.

thumb_up thumb_down -140

How do you make a plumber cry Kill his family

thumb_up thumb_down -158

roses are red violets are blue you look like a monkey lets take you to the zoo if by chance you try to escape ill take my fist and smash your little monkey face! btw i made this up if you use it ill kick your nuts!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +105

Women's Rights

thumb_up thumb_down +51

Knock, knock. Who's there? John. Oh, hey! Come in.

thumb_up thumb_down +49

Why did the white man accuse the black man of stealing his wallet? Because they were the only two men in the room at the time of the theft

thumb_up thumb_down +47

What do you call a dead blond in a closet? A homicide victim.

thumb_up thumb_down +43

What did the guard say to the... I was going to finish this anti-joke but I took an arrow to the knee.

thumb_up thumb_down +41

A BABY seal walks into a club

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Why did the girl say 'baa'? Because she was a lamb.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

what did the little girl do after drinking a smoothie? she choked and died a painful death.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Knock Knock Who's there? Sargeant John Smith mam. I regret to inform you that your husband died in the line of fire - I'm sorry.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Two muffins are in an oven. One muffin says its getting hot in here the other muffin say holy shit a talking muffin.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

How do you fit 100 ethiopians in a phone box? With great difficulty.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

I bought a DVD called "the 18 holes of Tiger Woods". It was a fascinating incite into the golfing technique of arguably one of the greatest sportsmen of all time.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Knock knock Who's there? A friend. But I don't have any friends.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Why did the chicken cross the road? To escape the overwhelming feeling of self doubt created by an abusive drug addicted father which has left him seeking life threatening situations that should never befall a simple chicken.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

So a priest and an atheist sit next to eachother train After talking to eachother for a short period of time, the priest discovers the other man's beliefs and procededs to spend the rest of the ride trying to convert the atheist. Incredibly irritated the atheist gets off the train a stop early to escape the tirade. The next day the atheist sees on tv that the train crashed right after getting off, and the priest is listed amongst the people killed in the accident. He is ecstatic, and says to himself "ha, proof of divine retribution," but then he feels confused because he realizes he doesn't believe in a god...

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm Brian. Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

thumb_up thumb_down +3

what do giraffes have that other animals don't have? -baby giraffes

thumb_up thumb_down +1

The night is always darkest just before the dawn. Just kidding I'm Helen Keller, everything's always dark.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Jesus walks into a hotel, slams four nails down on the counter, and says, "Put me up for the night!" The concierge looks at him and says, "You're not Jesus. Jesus was brutally murdered approximately 1,970 years ago. And although I may not be a believer, his teachings have brought comfort and solace to millions of people around the world. Nor do we accept nails as payment. Please remove yourself from the premises or I will call security."

thumb_up thumb_down -1

A man walks into a bar with a couple of chickens by his side. He sees a man sitting at the bar drinking a beer. The man who's drinking the beer offers the other man a seat, and asks him to join him in the drinking. The other man hardly refuses and takes the glass from the other man and throws it on the with all his power to the floor. The man sitting at the bar asks him why he did it. The man answers: "My chickens don't like beer"

thumb_up thumb_down -1

a:two guys are white but one of the guys can only see black and white so he said dude you black he said no so they have a race who won :nobody they both got hit by a bus then a car then a donkey eaea then a horse

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops