Q: What is hard and long on a man? A: His wife's funeral

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A blonde walks into a salon and says "I would like to get my golden locks trimmed." The haircutter replies "surely, just sit yourself down in that chair over there and I'll be with you momentarily." The blonde walks to the chair and sits down. When the haircutter comes over he asks her, "would you please remove your headset, I can't cut your hair while they're on." She laughs at her forgetfulness and removes them obligingly.

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Your mama is so fat she is morbid obese.

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This guys walks in a forest and meets a bear. So he says : - Yo yo, whattup, bear ? And the bear says "ROAR!" Because he's a bear.

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Did you hear the one about the priest, the rabbi, the astronaut, the olympic diver, the mcdonald's employee, and the web designer? Neither did I...

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Two black guys walk into a country club and ask to play a round of golf. They are turned away because the aren't members of the club.

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Hi

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On a scale of one to 10, F*ck yourself.

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Jesus

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A guy walks into a bar and says, "Ouch!"

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How do wake up Lady Gaga You Poker her face

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A bear walks into a bar. The building is evacuated swiftly but several people are killed

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Whats worse than falling down the stairs? Falling UP the stairs.

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There are stars in the sky when it's dark. You may have noticed I used a contraction in the previous sentence.

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what is the difference of a duck..... it neither wears tie.....

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What's black, white,and red all over? A crime scene where a black and white man were brutally murdered by a psychopath that is still on the loose and could be killing someone else.

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What's the difference between a prostitute and a cherry red Ferrari? A cherry red Ferrari isn't in my garage.

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What's the difference between a dead baby and a Cadillac? A Cadillac is a car, and a dead baby is a morose and disgusting topic of internet humor.

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What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Cheese.

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My wife's star sign was cancer and it's quite ironic how she died really... She was attacked by a giant crab.

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What did the small baby faucet say to the daddy faucet? Nothing, they are inanimate objects and cannot talk.

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Your mother is so dumb. It's a good thing she knows sign language.

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Why did the little girl fall off the swing set? She had no arms.

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Whats funnier than a anti-joke? 911

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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