Why'd the cat have one eye? It got kicked by a goat.

thumb_up thumb_down +62

What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Cheese.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

My wife's star sign was cancer and it's quite ironic how she died really... She was attacked by a giant crab.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Wumbo

thumb_up thumb_down +24

A blonde walks into a salon and says "I would like to get my golden locks trimmed." The haircutter replies "surely, just sit yourself down in that chair over there and I'll be with you momentarily." The blonde walks to the chair and sits down. When the haircutter comes over he asks her, "would you please remove your headset, I can't cut your hair while they're on." She laughs at her forgetfulness and removes them obligingly.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

How do you have sex with the blue waffle? stick your penis inside

thumb_up thumb_down +18

John had 32 candy bars. He ate 28 of them. What does John have now? daibetes, john has diabetes.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What do the Holocaust and baseball have in common? They are sports, except the Holocaust.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Knock Knock, Get the f*ck off my porch

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Knock Knock Who's There? Boo Boo Who? Boo Smith, I'm the town rapist.

thumb_up thumb_down

What would George Washington do if he was alive today? Scream and scrach at the top of his coffin.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

How do wake up Lady Gaga You Poker her face

thumb_up thumb_down -6

whats white and smells like black paint? nothing, white paint even though it is still paint has a slightly different smell due to the difference in dye colors used to make it

thumb_up thumb_down -8

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the middle of the oceon? Dead in the water.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

What can be any colour and is made of leather? Cars. I lied about the leather part.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Do you know what's fun about having sex with twenty-seven year-olds? There are twenty of them.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

What did the girl with no arms and no legs get for Christmas? Repeatedly raped by her alcoholic, child molesting father.

thumb_up thumb_down -36

There was a Priest, a Rabbi, and a Gay Man on a plane. The plane was going down. The Priest said "amen". The Rabbi said "amein". The Gay Man put his penis in the rabbi's asshole.

thumb_up thumb_down -40

What do you call a deer with no eyes? Animal cruelty

thumb_up thumb_down -74

Why did the blond fall of the ladder? She had no arms.

thumb_up thumb_down -88

What did the nurse say to the doctor? Boo-hoo, i was pranked over the phone, i'm gonna kill myself now.

thumb_up thumb_down -140

Why did the chicken cross the road? Well, most likely, the chicken escaped from a near by ranch or farm. Upon escaping, he may have simply wandered in the direction of the road, and hence crossed it. Or, with chickens having great curiosity, may have been attracted to something on the other side of the road and felt the urge to explore. Depending on the demographics of the area in which road was in, the chicken had different chances of being hit by an automobile. That's why.

thumb_up thumb_down +87

What do you a a toilet with fecal matter in it? A toilet.

thumb_up thumb_down +65

What's the difference between a Jew and a Pizza? A Jew is a person either born into or converted to Judaism, and a Pizza is a disc shaped, oven baked bread typically topped with tomato sauce and cheese.

thumb_up thumb_down +45

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops