What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Where's my tractor?

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It's raining, it's pouring The old man is snoring He went to bed, he bumped his head Got a brain hemorrhage and died in his sleep.

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There was an old lady from Ealing Who had a peculiar feeling She lay on her back Opened her crack And pissed all over the ceiling The old lady then lay in her own waste for over two weeks due to neglect by uncaring nursing home staff. Six months later, a hidden camera documentary on underperforming care homes exposed the abuse and neglect and the old lady went to live with her son and his family. In the early hours of May 14th 2011, the whole family were killed in a house fire that gutted the home and saw fires spread to neighbouring houses. Firefighters say the blaze originated in the spare room and was caused by exposed wiring on an electrical blanket. Forensic experts said that the repeated urination on the blanket would likely corrode the wiring due to the acidic content of urine.

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You walk in to your room. 7 chickens on your bed.

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If you're American when you go into the bathroom, and American when you come out, what are you inside? American! What are you, a communist?

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Your momma's so ugly she adopted you because she had a problem attracting men.

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What's funnier than House? Family Guy.

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What runs faster than a nigger with a stolen tv? His brother with the remote

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What did the young girl get for Christmas? Violently raped and murdered by her abusive father.

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yo mama so fat that she should be concerned because diabetes is a serious issue

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What did the girl with no arms and no legs get for Christmas? Repeatedly raped by her alcoholic, child molesting father.

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Q: What do you call an aligator in a vest A: Investigator

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Your momma's so ugly that she was worried that she would never marry anyone.

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Knock, knock. Who's there? Butter. Butter who? Oh, um, sorry i forgot the rest...

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What do you call a deer with no eyes? Animal cruelty

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A guy walks into a bar, he has a few drinks than leaves.

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What is the most attractive part of a woman's body? The part where she doesn't have a penis. I know, I know, the no-penis thing looks weird and strange, but hear me out. I think it's kind of cute and quirky. Like, oops, there's something that's supposed to be there, but isn't.

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Why'd the cat have one eye? It got kicked by a goat.

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Q. Did you hear about the kid napping? A. Yeah, he woke up and was grumpy

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What's the difference between a Jew and a Pizza? A Jew is a person either born into or converted to Judaism, and a Pizza is a disc shaped, oven baked bread typically topped with tomato sauce and cheese.

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Why Did the baby cross the street? He was stapled to the chicken's back

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Sarah Palin

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What's worse than one bee sting? 2 bee stings

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roses are grey, violets are grey, i'm colourblind and shit at poetry

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops