There are 3 type of people in the world. People who can count, and people who can't.

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Ever since I've been using chloroform as cologne I've been getting laid a lot.

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Dick Chaney

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Why did the monkey fall from the tree? Gravitational force acted upon the monkey who was not holding on to any branch.

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Roses are red, violets are blue, why am i even talking to you?

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whats worse than ten dead babies in one trashcan? one dead baby in ten trashcans

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What is the best way to avoid wrinkles as you age? Moisturise with a good quality moisturiser, use high factor suncream on the face, get plenty of sleep, drink plenty of fluids, wear a hat and sunglasses and stay in the shade between 11am and 3pm, and try to eat a diet that is heart-healthy (for example, wholegrain, oily fish, and/or flax seed), as heart failure over a long time leads to sagging skin with a loss of elasticity.

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I hope you take your own wise words to heart Nero, how would you like to claim to be me and get our ship somewhat on land before it all goes to pieces? After all I have been claiming to be you for a long long time.

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What can be any colour and is made of leather? Cars. I lied about the leather part.

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Why did the woman keep getting sexually harassed while calling for her lost dog? Her dog is named "Ilovedicks."

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Your momma's so fat... She's on a diet.

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How do you get a plumber to cry? Kill his family

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That moment when you and your friends throw snowballs at cars in the dark on the highway and the cops spotlight your area while you hide in a shed...

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What did Little Timmy say when his house fell down? I'm not sure but that sounds like a very sad event that I hope to never encounter in my personal experiences.

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What's the difference between a teacher and a train? A lot.

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Why did the Calculus teacher give an Asian student an F on a test? Because he got less than 60% of the answers correct.

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Know what's funny? Jokes.

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Chuck Norris was walking down the street when he was confronted by an armed, very desperate street robber. Chuck unfortunately made the decision to defend himself, and was shot in the gut before he could complete a roundhouse kick. The robber then took his wallet and ran off, undoubtedly to buy drugs.

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Knock Knock Who's there? Father Dougal Mcguire

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What do you call a woman with a penis? A Hermaphrodite.

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88

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What came first, the chicken or the egg? Neither. The single celled amoeba. As billions of years passed, the simple amoeba began to form limbs which it utilized to crawl its way out of the ocean onto dry land. Millions of years would pass before the simplified organism began to develop into a fully functional chicken.

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Knock Knock. who's there? It's me. you need to be specific...

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Knock knock. Who's there? Not Madeline McCann.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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