What did the man say to the attractive female bartender as he left the bar? Well, it's been fun but I hate you so I'm leaving to kill your entire family.

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I got 99 problems... and an indeterminate number of them are bitches.

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What's brown and sticky? a stick.

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why did the boy drop his ice cream? he tripped over his mother's dead body

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An Irishman walks into a bar. He gets extremely drunk and gets hit by a train.

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How could they tell Michael Jackson was dead? He showed no vital signs.

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Why is it hard to fool an aborted fetus? Because it wasn't born yesterday.

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Richard fell off of a cliff. He can fly.

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Cancer victim: What kind of doctor are you? Person 2: I'm not a doctor. In fact, I'm a suicide bomber and am planning to initiate the detonation sequence right now. Cancer victim: Well, it doesn't really matter. No matter who shows up, I'll still die anyways. This way, I'll be able to pay a visit to the transcendent city high in the heavens sooner. Person 2: I bet that many would mourn your death at your remembrance ceremony. Cancer victim: That doesn't bother me. My friends and family are close to my heart, but that doesn't warrant eternal proximity with one another in itself. Person 2: Let's go to a better place. Let us finally break free of our mortal chains that have unceasingly been hindering our progress since the first war took place. Cancer victim: Wait, I've changed my mind! Person 2: Too late. I wish I had a time machine... not.

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What runs faster than a nigger with a stolen tv? His brother with the remote

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There was an old lady from Ealing Who had a peculiar feeling She lay on her back Opened her crack And pissed all over the ceiling The old lady then lay in her own waste for over two weeks due to neglect by uncaring nursing home staff. Six months later, a hidden camera documentary on underperforming care homes exposed the abuse and neglect and the old lady went to live with her son and his family. In the early hours of May 14th 2011, the whole family were killed in a house fire that gutted the home and saw fires spread to neighbouring houses. Firefighters say the blaze originated in the spare room and was caused by exposed wiring on an electrical blanket. Forensic experts said that the repeated urination on the blanket would likely corrode the wiring due to the acidic content of urine.

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What's the most stupid thing you have ever heard? Woman's Studies.

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Q. Why do Puerto Ricans throw their trash away in clear plastic bags? A. So Italians can go window shopping.

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How come the black man couldn't be seen on film? He could be seen on film, he's not a vampire.

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I just lost the game where if you think about the game then you lose the game. so did you.

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What's the difference between a teacher and a train? A lot.

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What kind of animal eats and pisses on everything? Your mother. -Avery Vartanian

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Why didn't Tommy walk to school? 'Cause he was in a wheelchair..

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A muslim checks in at an airport and gets on a plane. He reads a book about knitting, gets off the plane at France and goes back to his job as a librarian.

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Your mom smells so bad that she proceeded to take a shower and then didnt smell bad at all.

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An alcoholic walks into a bar. He is destroying his family.

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Q: What did my uncle Tom say when he first encountered my friend Richard Jefferson? A: Hello

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Q: What did the diddler say to the little boy? A: Can i touch you inappropriately?

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Whats worse than the holocaust? A n a l

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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