Q: What happens when your name is Gretchen Weiner? A: You can never make "fetch" happen.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Mum: Never put off for tomorrow what can be done today. Child: Oh, I was going to play video games tomorrow, so...

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Whats the difference between a chicken? One of its legs are both the same.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Why is One direction the best thing in the world? Becuz when 5 hot guys met each other they... Sorry I got lost in Zayn's eyes again! Now what were we talking about??????

thumb_up thumb_down -16

So a baby seal walks into a club.

thumb_up thumb_down -50

make me a sandwich!

thumb_up thumb_down -68

Which came first the egg or the chicken? The chicken because eggs can't cross the road

thumb_up thumb_down -76

What has four wheels and can fly? A flying car What else has four wheels and can fly? Another flying car

thumb_up thumb_down +65

What did the woman say to her husband after he came home from a late night of drinking? Nothing, because the last time she did, she got her ass beat.

thumb_up thumb_down +47

Q: What happened to the teenage girl and the serial rapist at Denny's around midnight? A: They both ordered the french toast Grand Slam breakfast (at Denny's, its breakfast any time!!).

thumb_up thumb_down +45

What did the volcano say to the other volcano? Nothing, Volcanoes are inanimate objects that do not possess the ability to speak.

thumb_up thumb_down +41

What did the man say to the attractive female bartender as he left the bar? Well, it's been fun but I hate you so I'm leaving to kill your entire family.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Why was Jenny walking home alone from school? Because three years ago her parents were murdered brutally by a drug dealer and social services haven't yet realised that Jenny is still living in the empty house.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

what did the lonely boy get for christmas? the absence of a familly

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Robin, get in the Batmobile.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

what's the difference between a duck? one leg is the same.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Every 20 seconds, a child in africa starves to death... Every 30 seconds, an obese american teen stuffs their face with McDonalds

thumb_up thumb_down +21

You're momma's so fat, she's got high cholesterol.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

What's a pirate's favorite letter of the alphabet? Aye, ye be thinkin' it to be "ARRRR" - but it be the C

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I hate rhyming, penis.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What's pink and fluffy? Pink fluff

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Q. What's silver and cries? A. Someone who's been stabbed while wearing a suit of armour.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Cancer victim: What kind of doctor are you? Person 2: I'm not a doctor. In fact, I'm a suicide bomber and am planning to initiate the detonation sequence right now. Cancer victim: Well, it doesn't really matter. No matter who shows up, I'll still die anyways. This way, I'll be able to pay a visit to the transcendent city high in the heavens sooner. Person 2: I bet that many would mourn your death at your remembrance ceremony. Cancer victim: That doesn't bother me. My friends and family are close to my heart, but that doesn't warrant eternal proximity with one another in itself. Person 2: Let's go to a better place. Let us finally break free of our mortal chains that have unceasingly been hindering our progress since the first war took place. Cancer victim: Wait, I've changed my mind! Person 2: Too late. I wish I had a time machine... not.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Roses are red, violets are blue, why am i even talking to you?

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops