A man walked into a bar. "Ouch"

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A man walks into a bar. It hurt.

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How did Helen Keller become blind and deaf? Scarlet fever or meningitis.

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What is the best way to avoid wrinkles as you age? Moisturise with a good quality moisturiser, use high factor suncream on the face, get plenty of sleep, drink plenty of fluids, wear a hat and sunglasses and stay in the shade between 11am and 3pm, and try to eat a diet that is heart-healthy (for example, wholegrain, oily fish, and/or flax seed), as heart failure over a long time leads to sagging skin with a loss of elasticity.

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What did one muffin in the oven say to the other muffin Nothing food doesn't talk

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What happens when a japanese boy goes into a planet called Zypharecion which is 2000 light years away with 20% oxygen and 78% nitrogen and 2% of other earthly air elements and heats up a balloon enough that it explodes? He wont be at that planet because it does not exist and travelling at the speed of light has not been proven possible for humans.

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these jokes are terrible, even for anti-jokes

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What's the difference between a teacher and a train? A lot.

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Q: What's the difference between an African American and a bench? A: An African American is a human being of black dissent, while a bench is an inanimate object that people sit on.

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Your mom smells so bad that she proceeded to take a shower and then didnt smell bad at all.

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A man walked into a bar and said ow.

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What did the woman say to her husband after he came home from a late night of drinking? Nothing, because the last time she did, she got her ass beat.

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Q: What do a dildo salesman and a car salesman have in common? A: They are both salesman

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did you hear the one about the boyscout and his scoutmaster? They had a lovely relationship, and both went on to be role models.

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A mother and father heard their young son sobbing in his room, so they ran upstairs to see what the problem was. When they got to his room, they found the older son was dead and hanging from the ceiling. And the younger son was actually laughing, not crying.

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How can you kill a blonde? Hack her to bits.

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What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb? The lighbulb isn't also dying of terminal cancer.

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Oxygen and magnesium are going out OMG Think science the you might get it If not O oxygen mg magnesium

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why did the chicken cross the road? It is a domestic bird in the wild that is free to go where ever it wants to, that's why

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Why is it hard to fool an aborted fetus? Because it wasn't born yesterday.

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Ever since I've been using chloroform as cologne I've been getting laid a lot.

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Q:Ask me my name. A:What is your name? A:Hey why do you need to know that?

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What black and blue and red all over? My mom after my dad comes back from the bar.

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A Man goes into a watch store. Why? To buy a watch

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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