Q: What did the pope say to the prostitute he passed in the street? A: Bath & Bodyworks are having a sale

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A man walked into a bar. "Ouch"

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When life gives you oranges, make lemonade.

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Two muffins are in an oven. Muffin 1: Gosh it's hot in here. Muffin 2: Holy Crap! A talking muffin!

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What runs faster than a nigger with a stolen tv? His brother with the remote

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Why was the gorilla crying? His brother died

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I hope you take your own wise words to heart Nero, how would you like to claim to be me and get our ship somewhat on land before it all goes to pieces? After all I have been claiming to be you for a long long time.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He didn't because he lives in a chicken coop and has never even seen a road.

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You know whats funny? Things that aren't listed here.

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Guy 1: "Hey, you have some updawg on your face." Guy 2: "Oh, thanks. Did I get it?" Guy 1: "Yeah, I think so."

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What?

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How do you get a small girl of a swing ? Throw a fridge at her

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Knock Knock. Whos there? Victor. Victor who? Victor Secret, the gay door to door lingerie salesman. Can i interest you in a plastic cup holder?

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A blonde walks into a salon and says "I would like to get my golden locks trimmed." The haircutter replies "surely, just sit yourself down in that chair over there and I'll be with you momentarily." The blonde walks to the chair and sits down. When the haircutter comes over he asks her, "would you please remove your headset, I can't cut your hair while they're on." She laughs at her forgetfulness and removes them obligingly.

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Why is it hard to fool an aborted fetus? Because it wasn't born yesterday.

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Geuss what? Bob is wide awake and he likes strawberries but he didn't have any strawberries so he ate a hamburger but fred wanted a hamburger but bob ate it so he just ate bob but bob was wide awake so he saw fred eating him so he called the pigs to come and eat fred because pigs eat anything but the pigs had already eaten their daily freds so they ate bob because they hadn't already eaten their daily bob but fred had already eaten bob so they got angry at fred so they just ate him anyway but then they got fat so a wolf ate them but then some hunters killed the wolf and ate it so they are actually eating a hamburger because the wolf ate the pigs and the pigs ate fred and fred ate bob and bobb ate a hambuger but he actually likes strawberries.

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A: Knock knock! B: A: Guess no one's home.

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Why did the rose look so brown? Because it was dead

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Boom.

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pubic lice.

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HaHaHaHa... Was the last joke funny? Ya, well this ones not.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?? Because it Died

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How long does it take a black woman to take a shit? Why in the world would you want to know something like that? But anyway, the answer is somewhere, on average, between 10 seconds and 15 minutes. It really varies and conditions like irritable bowel syndrome and constipation affect this range. Actually it takes about 9 months.

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how do you wake lady gaga up? you hit her in the face with a frying pan

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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