Knock Knock! Who's there? Your landlord. I'm here to collect rent

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What's black and not working? An old, broken piano.

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What's red and smells like blue paint? Red paint

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A man walks into a bar. He has three drinks, then he leaves because he realizes he needs to get home because he has to get up early to go to his job in the morning.

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How did the square become a circle? Due to the period of recession in our nation, it was found necessary to cut corners.

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A dog walks into a bar, looks at the bartender, lifts its leg and pisses on a bar stool. What does the bartender do ? He chases the dog out the bar and gets a mop to mop up the piss.

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Did you see the picture of Helen Keller's father? No. Lemme Google it. Oh cool; he had a beard.

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A man walked into a bar. "Ouch"

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A woman got in her car to drive to work. She kept her hands on the wheel and eyes on the road and was able to avoid any accidents that could have occurred.

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Boom.

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Why did Jack and Jill go up the hill? To get to their house.

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Why did the fat man fall faster than the skinny man? He didn't. Masses does not affect the speed of falling objects. Everything with mass and volume falls with an acceleration of 9.81m/s^2 on Earth. Therefore the greater mass of the heavier man did not affect his falling speed. Both men fell at the same speed.

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What couldn't the stereotypical pirate get into the movie? Well, considering that the stereotypical pirate existed in the sixteenth to eightteenth centuries and the first motion picture wasn't made until the mid to late nineteenth century, also the technology for time travel does not exist nor has it ever, I would have to derive that he was not let in due to the fact that there was no way for him to ever exist at the same time that a movie would have been playing.

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what smells like red paint but is blue paint?

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How come the black man couldn't be seen on film? He could be seen on film, he's not a vampire.

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whats worse than finding 30 babies nailed to 30 trees? finding coal in your stocking at christmas.

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What's the biggest difference between the East and West Coast? About 3,000 miles.

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? He said, "Where's my tractor?"

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Q: why did the boy cross the road A: because he was being chased by a pedophile

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What did the woman say to her husband after he came home from a late night of drinking? Nothing, because the last time she did, she got her ass beat.

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a Jew had a small nose

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Why did the girl drop her lollipop? She got hit by a truck

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Jon has 40 chololate bars, he eats 32, what does he have now? Diabetes.

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What does a mama bear on the pill have in common with the world series? No Cubs!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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