Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead

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A bear walks into a bar. The building is evacuated swiftly but several people are killed

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Why was Jim fired from his job at the sperm bank? Continual absenteeism and inconsistent work.

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Three men are on a plane*. (*Note, that this is a low-altitude plane, in which they are allowed to open the windows) The stewardess offers the first man refreshments. He asks for an orange. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his orange, he throws it out the window. The stewardess moves on to the second man, who asks for an apple. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Also confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his apple, he throws it out the window. Finally, the stewardess moves onto the third man, who asks for a bomb. Without question, the stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. With no reaction, the man receives the bomb, then throws it out the window. Upon landing, the first man sees a woman crying. With a sympathetic heart, he asks what's the matter. She replies, "I was walking down the street, and an orange came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man brushes the event off as a coincidence. The second man sees another woman crying. Upon asking her what's the matter, she replies, "I was walking down the street, and an apple came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man, confused, apologizes and walks away. The third man sees a woman hysterically laughing. Intrigued, he inquires her jolly. She manages to state through her hysteria, "When me fart, me whole house blow up!"

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What did the Catholic preist say to the altar boy? You've been a good altar boy.

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whats annoying and black? black people

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What kind of animal eats and pisses on everything? Your mother. -Avery Vartanian

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What do you call a retarded man? Mentally challenged.

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What happened when a boy threw a ball at the wall? It hit him in the face

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Q: What's brown and sticky? A: A stick.

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Q: What did my uncle Tom say when he first encountered my friend Richard Jefferson? A: Hello

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What's the difference between a white man and a black man? Nothing. They are both created in God's image and likeness so get your mind outta the gutter!

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What starts with an F and ends with a UCK? Firetruck.

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Q: How did Muhamid Ali ( casius clay ) get a black eye? A: He was born

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What do the Holocaust and baseball have in common? They are sports, except the Holocaust.

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Why can't Jay cut his hair? Because he has AIDS

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A woman got in her car to drive to work. She kept her hands on the wheel and eyes on the road and was able to avoid any accidents that could have occurred.

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what's funnier than 1 Mecican? 2 Mexicans

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what is the difference between a Ferrari and a bucket of dead babies......... I dont have a Ferrari in my garage

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How did Helen Keller become blind and deaf? Scarlet fever or meningitis.

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What the difference between a black man and a pizza? A black man is capable of feeding a family. A pizza is capable of feeding an American.

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Roses are red Violets are blue This doesn't make sense Your cute

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i love u. so rate me good or i will talk to my lawyer. nothing personal, i just have no arms, legs, or nose and got broken up with by a girlfriend yesterday (and no, she was not fake) Her name was maria. On the bright side, my grandma woke up this morning!

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What did the nurse say to the doctor? Boo-hoo, i was pranked over the phone, i'm gonna kill myself now.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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