make me a sandwich!

thumb_up thumb_down -68

Q. What's the difference between dead babies and celebrities? A. Nobody likes celebrities.

thumb_up thumb_down +95

Which came first, the chicken or the egg? It's a meaningless question because animals had been creating eggs for millions of years before chickens ever evolved.

thumb_up thumb_down +53

I like my coffee like i like my woman, Without a penis.

thumb_up thumb_down +41

I got 99 problems... and an indeterminate number of them are bitches.

thumb_up thumb_down +41

In Soviet Russia, there are communists.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

You just threw a fireman and a baby out of a skyscraper... who arrived earth first? Adam and Eve. Moral: Because theology is bullshit.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

hey, can you answer a question for me? yeah, sure. ThankYou!

thumb_up thumb_down +19

What do you call a man with no arms and legs swimming? Drowning.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

A seal walks into a club...

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Q: What did the priest say to the rabbi? A: Our God is a wonderful, loving god; praise his name.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

What happens when a japanese boy goes into a planet called Zypharecion which is 2000 light years away with 20% oxygen and 78% nitrogen and 2% of other earthly air elements and heats up a balloon enough that it explodes? He wont be at that planet because it does not exist and travelling at the speed of light has not been proven possible for humans.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

what smells like red paint but is blue paint?

thumb_up thumb_down -67

What did the priest do when he noticed the young boy bent over picking up crayons he had dropped? He helped him pick them up

thumb_up thumb_down -67

Three men are on a plane*. (*Note, that this is a low-altitude plane, in which they are allowed to open the windows) The stewardess offers the first man refreshments. He asks for an orange. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his orange, he throws it out the window. The stewardess moves on to the second man, who asks for an apple. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Also confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his apple, he throws it out the window. Finally, the stewardess moves onto the third man, who asks for a bomb. Without question, the stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. With no reaction, the man receives the bomb, then throws it out the window. Upon landing, the first man sees a woman crying. With a sympathetic heart, he asks what's the matter. She replies, "I was walking down the street, and an orange came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man brushes the event off as a coincidence. The second man sees another woman crying. Upon asking her what's the matter, she replies, "I was walking down the street, and an apple came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man, confused, apologizes and walks away. The third man sees a woman hysterically laughing. Intrigued, he inquires her jolly. She manages to state through her hysteria, "When me fart, me whole house blow up!"

thumb_up thumb_down -83

What has four wheels and can fly? A flying car What else has four wheels and can fly? Another flying car

thumb_up thumb_down +62

What do you call a retarded man? Mentally challenged.

thumb_up thumb_down +54

a Jew had a small nose

thumb_up thumb_down +44

What do you call a black man on the side of the road? -A black man who needs a ride.

thumb_up thumb_down +40

What did the Mexican firefighter name his twin boys? Thomas and David after his father and grandfather.

thumb_up thumb_down +40

did you hear the one about the boyscout and his scoutmaster? They had a lovely relationship, and both went on to be role models.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

An Irishman walks into a bar. He gets extremely drunk and gets hit by a train.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What do you get when you mix a dog and a cow blood everywhere

thumb_up thumb_down +14

My grandmother always use to tell me "slow and steady wins the race." Well, that was before she died in a house fire.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops