What do you call something you should prepare yourself for when having sex with a prostitute? A.I.D.S

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What is big, green and fuzzy and if it falls out of a tree and hit you in the head, it will probably kill you? A pool table.

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Why are you asleep? Because I'm tired.

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What did Jesus say when he was nailed to the cross? AHHHH WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS!?!?!? MY HAND!!! MY HAND!!! AHHHHHHH!!!!! JUST KILL ME!!! PLEASE WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?!?! MY OTHER HAND AHHHH!!! HAHAAAAAAAAAaaaa..... AHHHHHHH WHY?!?! MY LEG!!!! MY FOOT NO!!!!! PLEASE!!!!! Ah AH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAA HAHAHAaaa WHYYYYYYYYY!?

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Two blondes are sitting in a car. They took a drive and later enjoyed turkey sandwiches at the local eatery.

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what is brown with wheels? a potatoe, i was just kidding about the wheels

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A chicken crossed the road and the farmer said, "Where the hell is that chicken going!?"

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Why didn't the dog like baseball? Being a dog, it had no idea or interest in what baseball is.

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What did the prisoner receive on his 44th birthday? Well obviously all mail in prisons is checked, but nothing dangerous was found. He received a book on different types of steam engines (he is a railway fan), some chocolate (galaxy caramel, which is his favourite), a crossword challenge book (he gets bored in his cell) and the anti joke book.

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An alcoholic walks into a bar. He is destroying his family.

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What's a pirate's favorite letter of the alphabet? Aye, ye be thinkin' it to be "ARRRR" - but it be the C

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how do you kill a bear. -you shoot it.

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What jew get for christmas? Your money.

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why did Sarah fall off the swing? because she had no arms. Knock knock! who's there? not Sarah.

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Q: How did Muhamid Ali ( casius clay ) get a black eye? A: He was born

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Q: What happens when your name is Gretchen Weiner? A: You can never make "fetch" happen.

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how do you wake lady gaga up? you hit her in the face with a frying pan

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what did one lady say to another lady? we are both ladies

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What has two legs and graduated from ninja school? Okyrin Sakajuru. He also went on to win two all city titles and roundhouse kick of the day, performed on a wild tiger. As time passes, he stops practicing and becomes a lethargic street criminal. He is eventually captured by local authorities and charged with the robberies and two counts of aggravated assault. Leaving his children behind to the system where they are neglected and depressed about their fathers situation. He makes bail after 3 months and opens a strip club for dwarfs but loses it all after not finding stripper poles that are dwarf friendly.

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How much stuff would a stuff muff huff if a stuff muff could huff stuff? Whole dang lotsa

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hi hi strager danger

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What's worse then biting into an apple and finding a worm in it? The spelling errors on anti-jokes.com

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A blonde goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains!" "That is a worrying symptom," says the doctor, who immediately recommends the woman for a thorough psychiatric assessment.

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Bobby got a new bike there are black kids in bobby's neighborhood bobby doesnt have a new bike anymore

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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