- Anti Joke

How do you kill a blonde woman? Stab her in the stomach so all the acidic contents of her stomach slowly burn her flesh.

Invisible Television.

A horse walks into a bar. The owner immediately seeks out the owner of the misplaced obstruction and asks them to remove it promptly less his animal suffers any more untoward damage

A kangaroo walks into a bar, he hops up to the bartender, and asks for a martini. The bartender, not knowing exactly what to do, goes into the back to his boss's office. He says "Hey, there's a kangaroo up front askin' for a martini...do we serve kangaroos?" His boss replies "Ya, of course, but these kangaroos, they aren't too smart, so charge him like 50 bucks for the drink." The bartender agrees and goes back up front to serve the kangaroo. He pours the martini and hands it to the kangaroo, the kangaroo thanks him and says "How much do I owe you?" The bartender replies "50 bucks." The kangaroo then reaches into his pouch, pulls out a fifty dollar bill, and puts it on the counter. He finishes his drink and begins to hop away. As he is leaving, the bartender says "Hey, wait, we don't get many of your kind around here, why is that?" And the kangaroo replies "I'm not surprised at THESE prices!!!" and hops out.

So a black man, an Italian, a Mexican, an Irishman, a Chinese man, and a Jew walk into a bar. They go their separate ways and never see each other again.

Baman: What do you get when you eat all the potatoes? Piderman: What? Baman: They're all gone!

What do you call a kid without brothers or sisters What? a chinese Boy!!!!!!! lol ;)

What's green and invisible? This cabbage

Every 60 seconds in Africa, a minute passes.

Why don't cannibals eat clowns? Clowns do not populate the area in which cannibals reside

I once looked at a hedge that had the same colour leaves as all of the other hedges in that particular area.

Whats the difference between and anti joke and a joke? There two different things.

Why are plants green? Plants are green due to the chloroplast organelles found in their cells. These membrane bound organelles are exclusive to plant cells and are used to convert sun light to usable chemical energy. This energy is stored in the form of ATP molecules, or adenosine triphosphate. When one of the three phosphate groups of an ATP molecule is removed, the molecule releases the energy put into this bond and becomes ADP, or adenosine diphosphate. Throughout this process, the organelle fulfills its sole function and at the same time gives plants their green color our eyes perceive today.

Knock knock. Who's ther? Your friend Billy i've been shot and need help

Three men are on a plane. (Note, that this is a low-altitude plane, in which they are allowed to open the windows) The stewardess offers the first man refreshments. He asks for an orange. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his orange, he throws it out the window. The stewardess moves on to the second man, who asks for an apple. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Also confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his apple, he throws it out the window. Finally, the stewardess moves onto the third man, who asks for a bomb. Without question, the stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. With no reaction, the man receives the bomb, then throws it out the window. Upon landing, the first man sees a woman crying. With a sympathetic heart, he asks what's the matter. She replies, "I was walking down the street, and an orange came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man brushes the event off as a coincidence. The second man sees another woman crying. Upon asking her what's the matter, she replies, "I was walking down the street, and an apple came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man, confused, apologizes and walks away. The third man sees a woman hysterically laughing. Intrigued, he inquires her jolly. She manages to state through her hysteria, "When me fart, me whole house blow up!"

what smells like red paint but is blue paint?

Why is the sky blue? Because when you look up at the sky, especially during the daytime, the sky is giving a bluish color.

make me a sandwich!

Never mail in your wishes to a genie, he may be dyslexic.

What do you call two black guys flying a plane? Pilots.

Ice cream You scream We all scream Because there is a murderer killing our friends

Why was the blonde so stupid? He had dyslexia and to make fun of his hardship would truly be a hardship of human morals.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I hate rhyming, penis.

How Do Bulls Drive Cars? They cant, they have hooves making it impractical for a Bull to Drive a car.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

Want more? You might be interested in...

Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops