Arsonist: Hey, did you listen to my mixtape? ... It's really good.

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Knock Knock Come in!

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How do you make a black man cry? A: Kill his whole family.

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Why did robin get in the batmobile? Batman told him to

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A man enters a bar, and says: "It is impossible to drown in an elevator" This is incorrect.

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Oh

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Why didn't the chicken cross the road Because he did

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Why did the wiener dog fight the cock. Because it was a cock-fight.

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Q. Where do snowmen keep their money? A. A snowman is an anthropomorphic snow sculpture made of frozen water. They therefore cannot earn, keep or have any use for money.

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How the hell did Susie get on the swing anyway I don't know you tell me?

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Three men are on a plane. (Note, that this is a low-altitude plane, in which they are allowed to open the windows) The stewardess offers the first man refreshments. He asks for an orange. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his orange, he throws it out the window. The stewardess moves on to the second man, who asks for an apple. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Also confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his apple, he throws it out the window. Finally, the stewardess moves onto the third man, who asks for a bomb. Without question, the stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. With no reaction, the man receives the bomb, then throws it out the window. Upon landing, the first man sees a woman crying. With a sympathetic heart, he asks what's the matter. She replies, "I was walking down the street, and an orange came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man brushes the event off as a coincidence. The second man sees another woman crying. Upon asking her what's the matter, she replies, "I was walking down the street, and an apple came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man, confused, apologizes and walks away. The third man sees a woman hysterically laughing. Intrigued, he inquires her jolly. She manages to state through her hysteria, "When me fart, me whole house blow up!"

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Whats the difference between a dead baby and a watermelon? One is fun to smash with a sludge hammer, the other is a watermelon

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if a bra is called a over the shoulder boulder holder what is male underware called sincerly, under the butt nut hut

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SNAPPLE!

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What do you call a black person with a million dollars? A millionaire.

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Yo Momma's so fat she has Type 1 Diabetes.

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Why did the man walk into the bar? He wast thirsty.

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Your mother is so good in the kitchen that we all asked for a second helping.

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how do you put a giraffe in a fridge? open the door, put the giraffe in and close the door. how do you put an elephant in a fridge? open the door, take out the giraffe, put the elephant in and close the door. the lion king is holding a conference in the jungle and all the animals turn up except for one, which animal is missing? the elephant, it's in the fridge. you come across a river you need to cross, but it is infested with man-eating crocodiles, how to you cross the river without dying? just swim across, all the crocodiles are at the conference.

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why does crazy george spin a ball on his fingers well? because he has a huge dingo

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What has 4 legs and goes "meow." A cat. Dang! You already heard it.

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What do you do when you come across a tiger in the jungle? Wipe it off and apologize.

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How do you make a plumber cry? You kill his family.

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Why can't Michael Jackson play chess? Cause he's dead.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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