Q: If I have 13 icecubes, and you have 12 icecubes, how many pancakes can I fit on the roof? A: Purple, because aliens don't wear hats.

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Isn't it funny that we think it's totally normal for females to not have penises but for literally EVERY OTHER group of people, it's weird and not ok double standard?

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what does a blue watermelon and a cactus that looks like a penis have in common? orange ya glad i didn't say banana!

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Hey i just met you & this is crazy but Nia and Goober Made a baby

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Three men are on a plane. (Note, that this is a low-altitude plane, in which they are allowed to open the windows) The stewardess offers the first man refreshments. He asks for an orange. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his orange, he throws it out the window. The stewardess moves on to the second man, who asks for an apple. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Also confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his apple, he throws it out the window. Finally, the stewardess moves onto the third man, who asks for a bomb. Without question, the stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. With no reaction, the man receives the bomb, then throws it out the window. Upon landing, the first man sees a woman crying. With a sympathetic heart, he asks what's the matter. She replies, "I was walking down the street, and an orange came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man brushes the event off as a coincidence. The second man sees another woman crying. Upon asking her what's the matter, she replies, "I was walking down the street, and an apple came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man, confused, apologizes and walks away. The third man sees a woman hysterically laughing. Intrigued, he inquires her jolly. She manages to state through her hysteria, "When me fart, me whole house blow up!"

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Why is the black boy made fun of at school? Because the kids at his school are racist.

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What's red and smells like blue paint? Red paint.

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Why didn't Hitler drink whiskey? Because it made him mean.

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A child in Africa developed Malaria. He became very sick and died.

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A man walks into a McDonald's and proceeds to buy a burger, unfortunately a man was robbing the fast food restaurant, what did the man do. Buy a burger

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Why did the dog cross the road? He was on a walk with his owner so they used a crosswalk to safely get back home.

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What do you call an arab flying a 747? A pliot.

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Why did the koala bear fall out of the tree? Because it's dead.

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Baman: What do you get when you eat all the potatoes? Piderman: What? Baman: They're all gone!

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Why did the cookie go to the doctor? It didn't, a cookie is a food, therefore it doesn't have working organs.

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A man ingested a hamburger. It proved fatal due to a tomato allergy.

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Why a warm-harted man turned into cold-blooded? He's dead

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I told a woman to make me at turkey sandwich. Of course she complied seeing as I was at Subway.

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I hate girls that try to act hard. Like calm down you dont got a dick.

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Q. Where do snowmen keep their money? A. A snowman is an anthropomorphic snow sculpture made of frozen water. They therefore cannot earn, keep or have any use for money.

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How do you kill a blonde ? Shoot her in the head

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Drunk guy... Hey i just maybe And this is number But here's my crazy So call me met you

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How's a raven like a writing desk. you really are alice.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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