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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? I lost my tractor!

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What do you get when you mix a racoon and a human. A Smoothie

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If you have a green ball in your left hand and a green ball your right hand, what do you have? Kermit the Frog's undivided attention

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George Bush.

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why couldn't the little girl play on the swing? Matty Russel was chasing her

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How many people can you fit in an oven? A: I Don't know ask a holocaust survivor.

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What is it called when a black man does cocaine? A felony.

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Well, honestly I don't know how I feel about meeting you yet, or chatting with you, I never believed I would get to speak, or even less meet "The Nero", I mean as far as I know, nobody that ever worked alongside you ever has... ...By the way, the thing with the metal arm, well I don't have both arms, so yeah, story of my life. I am "Eliza" here too, its not coding, its just me sharing my real part of my life with our followers, and well, they do not make much sense out of it, but I get to share the tale about how Nero saved me, if not in person.

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If life gives you lemons, give them back. They were probably stolen, and even if they weren't, lemons are a pretty shitty gift to give someone.

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Grammar ... the difference between knowing your shit, and knowing you're shit.

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3 jews walk into a bar I lied it was a gas chamber

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A: Knock knock B: Who’s there? A: The police B: The police who? A: Ma’am, your son is dead.

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Your mother is so ugly that when she looks in the mirror she feels bad about her appearance.

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Why did the car get out of bed? Because the person who owned the car was a total freak and put the car into a bed.

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why did tom get HIV? He was raped by a giant scorpion

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69

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Why doesn't Santa come in the summer? Because it's not Christmas.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To see if he could beat the oncoming car.

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So you there Red?

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Knock knock. Who's there? Michael Jackson.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It wanted honey. Why did the chicken cross the road? It wanted to get to his house. Why did the chicken cross the road? It was stupid.

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Why is the dinosaur yellow? He's not.

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Why does Mike Tyson always win his fights? Because he hides in a refridgerator

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops