I asked my Grandma if she ever tried 69. And she said, “No, but I have done 53 -- that's all the sailors I could screw in one night.”

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I asked a Jewish girl for her number. she rolled up her sleeve.

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How do you make a baby cry? Break its legs.

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Jesus walks into a hotel, slams four nails down on the counter, and says, "Put me up for the night!" The concierge looks at him and says, "You're not Jesus. Jesus was brutally murdered approximately 1,970 years ago. And although I may not be a believer, his teachings have brought comfort and solace to millions of people around the world. Nor do we accept nails as payment. Please remove yourself from the premises or I will call security."

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What do you say when a black girl asks you out? No!

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Knock knock Who's there? Yolanda I do not know anyone by that name. I am sorry Oh I must be at the wrong house. My apologies. Oh, it's alright. Have a nice day You too. Take care!

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What happens when you stick your finger in a pencil sharpener? Blood everywhere.

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Fat people.

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So these two gay guys walk backwards into a bar.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I regurgitate doorknobs

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One day, I was looking at my brand new wooden table, and I thought, "wow, that is a very nice brand new wooden table." And then my dog peed on it. I killed the dog.

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Why did the car slam its brakes on? There was a infant under the bonnet.

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If life gives you lemons, give them back. They were probably stolen, and even if they weren't, lemons are a pretty shitty gift to give someone.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? Hoo. Who Hoo? You're a barn owl!

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20

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"Ask me if I'm a banana." "Are you a banana?" "No."

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How many chickens does it take to screw in a light bulb? Any number of chickens plus one person.

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What did Sarah Palin say as she gazed to the West? "I really wish my daughter hadn't gotten pregnant."

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Why did the policeman arrest the black man? He had commited a crime and murdered somebody.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I am not using commas That is improper punctuation.

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Husband: Shut up, there is now playing for Real Madrid Woman: So what? come help me clean. Husband:after the game,now shut up. Woman:Everyone knows Barcelona better... Police: So you're saying your wife fell on the knife alone?

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I have Alzheimer's, but at least I don't have Alzheimer's.

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What's the difference between a Muslim and a box? A box won't blow you up!

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What did the cow say to the bull. they had kids because they shared an interest in being silent.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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