How did the ship-less pirate cross the Atlantic? In an airplane.

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What is worse than burning your toast? - Obama

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What did Sarah Palin say as she gazed to the West? "I really wish my daughter hadn't gotten pregnant."

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Are you a tree? No.

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A man is being followed by a large swarm of mosquitoes. He eradicates them by spraying himself with an insect repellent that has a high deet concentration.

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What is green and fuzzy and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you? A pool table.

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How do you torture Helen Keller? Waterboarding.

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Har har hey

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because the poor thing is so confused and is seeking a near by farm.

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I SHOT SOMEBODY!!!! Said no stormtrooper ever.

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How do you get a one armed blonde out of a tree? Wave to her.

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What did the cow say to the bull. they had kids because they shared an interest in being silent.

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roses are red Jacob's a Jew the holocaust was funny Haha f**k you

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Yes.

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When does the narwhal bacon? When the universe looses its realism to the point where every animals' meat is bacon at a certain time, and a person hunts a narwhal at the crack of dawn when there is a triple rainbow and the narwhal's DNA is combined with a pig's just long enough for the meat to be bacon when the person shoots it.

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What's the difference between Republicans and Democrats? There is a series of boxes which one can choose to check on a ballot, officially registering an individual with a certain party. Available parties include the Green Party, The American Communist Party, The Republican Party, and the Democratic Party among others. Republicans choose to check the Republican box, Democrats choose to check the Democrat box. Also Republicans are closet homosexuals and Democrats are terrorists.

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How is it you become the true badass you say? Its a very complicated process that takes decades of training, and many failed attempts on before you become the one, true badass on the entire planet. Once you had done it. People will love you forever, there would be parades, parties, celebrations, even a holiday, just for you and you alone. Too bad I'll never tell you.

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If a tree falls in the forest and it does it make a sound? No, Trees can't talk

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Knock, Knock Whose there? your friend Oh ok (opens the door) (it was not his friend but instead it was a giant panda who robbed him of his goods).

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My friend told me to break a leg before the show. I disobeyed him and injured no one. It's just a figure of speech.

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A priest, a rabbi, and a Buddhist monk walk into a bar. They discuss their differences over a pint of beer and leave with a greater understanding of each other's faiths.

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So you there Red?

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How are you this morning?

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Q: Whats better than 10 baby's nailed to 1 tree. A: 1 baby nailed to 10 trees.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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