Husband: Shut up, there is now playing for Real Madrid Woman: So what? come help me clean. Husband:after the game,now shut up. Woman:Everyone knows Barcelona better... Police: So you're saying your wife fell on the knife alone?

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I'm a scizophrenic, Or at least thats what the voices tell me.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Hey you want to here a joke? I can't think of one

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Why did the car slam its brakes on? There was a infant under the bonnet.

thumb_up thumb_down +200

A priest, a rabbi, and a Buddhist monk walk into a bar. They discuss their differences over a pint of beer and leave with a greater understanding of each other's faiths.

thumb_up thumb_down +48

you know somebody is lying when it IS opposite day.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Q : What did Piers tell his friend before leaving ? A : Bye.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 was a registered sex offender

thumb_up thumb_down +22

I asked my Grandma if she ever tried 69. And she said, “No, but I have done 53 -- that's all the sailors I could screw in one night.”

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because the poor thing is so confused and is seeking a near by farm.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

The hippo's an African beast, Who notably is quite obese, Quite boorish and mean And never too lean And poops in the rivers, at least...

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Fat people.

thumb_up thumb_down -40

I saw a man lying on the floor. He ate too much cake.

thumb_up thumb_down -46

If a man without hands is called a handicap, what do you call a man without legs? A handicap.

thumb_up thumb_down -62

A man walks into a bar. He's covered in Ash because the north tower just collapsed.

thumb_up thumb_down -76

One day, I was looking at my brand new wooden table, and I thought, "wow, that is a very nice brand new wooden table." And then my dog peed on it. I killed the dog.

thumb_up thumb_down -144

What's worse than finding half a worm in your apple? Having a refrigerator fall on you

thumb_up thumb_down -154

What do you call a guy with a car on his head? Immediate identification would not be possible. The man would be referred to by his estimated demographics. Circumstantial evidence and dental reports may be required for identification at which points the family's would be notified. Only after this will the man's name would be released to the media who would in turn report this.

thumb_up thumb_down -172

What do you get when you put a dog in a cage. Cantaloupes

thumb_up thumb_down -176

Anyone reading this I'm not writing anything Kevin

thumb_up thumb_down +169

What's worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm? Biting into another apple and finding another worm.

thumb_up thumb_down +79

Q: What's the meaning of life? A: Look in a Dictionary.

thumb_up thumb_down +51

Knock Knock. Who's there? Hoo. Who Hoo? You're a barn owl!

thumb_up thumb_down +49

"Ask me if I'm a banana." "Are you a banana?" "No."

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops