Why did Doris have no control over her bladder? Because she was old and suffered catastrophic incontinence

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What's worse than seeing your grandma naked. nothing.

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A: Ask me if I'm a truck. B: Are you a truck? A: No.

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How many ants does it take to fill an apartment? It depends on the size of the apartment.

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What did the cow say to the bull. they had kids because they shared an interest in being silent.

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Are women better than men? Dont know but what we do know is they swing at bigger balls (softballs), shoot from lower basketball nets, do pushups from their knees. Shall I go on?

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What did the midget say to the clown that was blocking the doorway? Excuse me

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Q: How many babies does it take to paint a shed? A: Considering babies are incapable of rational thought it is unlikely they would understand how to employ the correct method to paint.

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a short man asked a tall man "hey hows the weather up there"? the tall man couldnt answer cause he was sucked up by a tornado that missed the short man

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What's the difference between a joke and an anti-joke? I don't know man, but you touch yourself at night.

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Why did Susie fall off the swing? She has no arms. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Susie.

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What did Christopher Columbus say to his men before they got on the ship? "Men, get on the ship."

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Knock Knock Who's there? It's actually much safer to look through the peep hole than it is to let a stranger know you are home.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Fred. Hello Fred.

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Your mama is so fat that when she walks her legs rub against each other

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What's worse then dumping your' girlfriend over text? Dumping her best friend over text at the same time.

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A dyslexic man walks into a bar.

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Kid 1 "Man this is the hardest poop i've ever taken." Kid 2 "Maybe it's because you ate the Happy Meal toys." Kid 1 "You know what? I think you're right. Commotion ensues as the toilet bowl fills with blood as the action figure has cut the inside of his large intenstine. He is screaming in pain. Kid 2 reacts quickly getting him to the hospital just making it in time before Kid 1 passes out. Thankfully he survives but has to get shrgery. Meanwhile, the family dog Buster decides to drink the blood poop water from the bowl and dies from poisining.

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A man is being followed by a large swarm of mosquitoes. He eradicates them by spraying himself with an insect repellent that has a high deet concentration.

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Q. What is the difference between a bird and a fly? A. A bird can fly, but a fly can't.

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There once was a man from Nantucket.

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When does the narwhal bacon? When the universe looses its realism to the point where every animals' meat is bacon at a certain time, and a person hunts a narwhal at the crack of dawn when there is a triple rainbow and the narwhal's DNA is combined with a pig's just long enough for the meat to be bacon when the person shoots it.

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A little boy asked his mom what fucking was, so she showed him.

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Q: Whats worse than 17 babies in 1 bin. A: 1 baby in 17 bins. Q: Whats worse than that. A: 17 bins in 1 baby.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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