Kid 1 "Man this is the hardest poop i've ever taken." Kid 2 "Maybe it's because you ate the Happy Meal toys." Kid 1 "You know what? I think you're right. Commotion ensues as the toilet bowl fills with blood as the action figure has cut the inside of his large intenstine. He is screaming in pain. Kid 2 reacts quickly getting him to the hospital just making it in time before Kid 1 passes out. Thankfully he survives but has to get shrgery. Meanwhile, the family dog Buster decides to drink the blood poop water from the bowl and dies from poisining.

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Two colleague janitors sit next to each other in the coffee room, one says to the other: About yesterday... I checked three times and it looks pretty normal. Sorry... I wasn't around to hear the question the other posed the day before, but I heard it's supposed to be pretty funny with this answer. So... Less is better then none, right?

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wanna hear a joke? katie chandler

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Why did the Black man drown? Because he could not and did not know how to swim. Because he could not afford the lessons to learn how to swim. Because he does not have the financial means to afford a lesson in swimming. Because he is of a low socio-economic level.

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why didnt the mouse go for the cheese on the mouse trap it is proven that mice dont actually really like cheese all that much.

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Two muffins were sitting in an oven. The first muffin did not look over to the other one and did not talk to it because muffins are objects and do not have the ability to communicate.

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Why did Billy cry? He had Pubic Lice

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If a man without hands is called a handicap, what do you call a man without legs? A handicap.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It had just escaped from the slaughterhouse and ran for its life.

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A: Knock knock B: Who’s there? A: The police B: The police who? A: Ma’am, your son is dead.

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Why was the construction worker crying? Because do to the failing economy, he was recently let go from his job, and he is mortified by the idea of being unable to find work and ending up homeless and unable to fend for his family.

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What has feathers, and is known to fly? A bird

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What's worse than seeing your grandma naked. nothing.

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When Chuck Norris runs, he doesn't even move a muscle.

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I asked a Jewish girl for her number. she rolled up her sleeve.

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Whats 1+1? Well,According to John Willemain's Business Analysis: Problem Solving Using Calculus and Finite Mathematics it's 2.

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A priest walks into a bar, which is suprising because priests don't usually go to bars.

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whats green can fly and has legs? a plane i lied about the legs

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A man enters a bar, and says: "It is impossible to drown in an elevator" This is incorrect.

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What's the difference between a Muslim and a box? A box won't blow you up!

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I hate girls that try to act hard. Like calm down you dont got a dick.

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How do you make a man sad? By drowning him in a Bede.

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What did the boy say to his father? I don't know. With the seemingly infinite number of topics that two people could discuss and the fact that both the father and son are fictional, it would be unreasonable and border edge mentally unstable for me to assume that you would know what they may or may not be talking about.

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There is an Asian, an American, and a Mexican on a falling plane. The pilot announces that the plane is plummeting out of the sky and says that he needs to drop the cargo. The pilot drops the cargo but the plane is too heavy still. The pilot tells the passengers to drop some personal belongings. The Asian drops rice, the Mexican drops his guns, and the American throws the Mexican and yells "Remember the Alamo!".

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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