A man walks into a bar and has a wonderful time drinking with his friends, arrives home at a reasonable time and goes to bed.

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A blonde tries to kill herself cutting both her wrists.Why didn't it work? Because her boyfriend found her just in time and managed to stop the bleeding and took her to the hospital. After some years of therapy they got married and lived happy together for the rest of their lifes.

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I have Alzheimer's, but at least I don't have Alzheimer's.

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What did the cow say to the bull. they had kids because they shared an interest in being silent.

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Mary once had a boyfriend with a wooden leg; however, itt was a highly dysfunctional relationship, as the boyfriend was much too possessive of Mary. So Mary was forced to bring a close to the relationship.

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A baby tastes grapefruit juice for the first time. She is allergic and immediately begins convulsing and dies.

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Why did the car slam its brakes on? There was a infant under the bonnet.

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Miley Cyrus.

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Why were there only 5,000 Mexicans at the Battle of Alamo? They only had 1250 trucks.

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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? In most people who lie eyebrows may raise, eyes may widen and gaze may alter, anal sphincter usually tightens, breathing often quickens marginally, external body temperature alters and sweat (and therefore skin electrical conductivity) increases.

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Two ducks are sitting on washcloths in the middle of a lake. One duck looks to the other and asks, "hey, do you have any soap?" to which the other duck responds, "what do you think I am, a typewriter?"

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whats worse then 9/11? -George W. Bush

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Why don't white people do the right thing? Because we suck

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Why did Harry get in the taxi? His mother told him to put his seatbelt on.

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did you know that Hellen Keller had a tree house? "no" she didn't know either.

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One day, I was looking at my brand new wooden table, and I thought, "wow, that is a very nice brand new wooden table." And then my dog peed on it. I killed the dog.

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Roses are grey Violets are grey Everything is grey I'm color blind.

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How many eco-friendly people does it take to change a lightbulb? Nobody knows because fluorescent lightbulbs last 6 to 12 years longer than an incandescent lightbulb.

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What is the main similarity of Darth Vader and Michael Jackson? They are both dead fathers.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? Hoo. Who Hoo? You're a barn owl!

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Why did the elephant cross the river? CAUSE YOLO (even though he died)

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I asked a Jewish girl for her number. she rolled up her sleeve.

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Why are asians so smart? Because they study very hard and learn the material.

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What's the difference between a Muslim and a box? A box won't blow you up!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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