Knock Knock. Who's there? Hoo. Who Hoo? You're a barn owl!

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What's green and fluffy? Red fluff, if you're color blind.

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How are you this morning?

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I have no soul so I must consume yours

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A man is being followed by a large swarm of mosquitoes. He eradicates them by spraying himself with an insect repellent that has a high deet concentration.

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*Knock knock* Who's there? Stab.

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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? In most people who lie eyebrows may raise, eyes may widen and gaze may alter, anal sphincter usually tightens, breathing often quickens marginally, external body temperature alters and sweat (and therefore skin electrical conductivity) increases.

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. I am colourblind so screw you!

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there are 2 sausages in a pan. one sausage says "wow it's hot in here" and the other sausage says "MY GOD A TALKING SAUSAGE!!!!"

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A man runs into a bar, he is in a coma for 7 years and most likely going to die, of severe brain damage.

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Did you hear about the man who fell out of an aeroplane at 2000 feet? He was taking part in a charity skydive to raise money for his dying brother, a chronic sufferer of cystic fibrosis.

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What do you get when you put a dog in a cage. Cantaloupes

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What do you get when you cross a dog and a cat? A hybrid animal that can never exist to do each species own genetic make-up which would subsequently reject the other's. I.E. The cat would reject the dog sperm from ever fertilizing and the dog would reject cat sperm.

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Grammar ... the difference between knowing your shit, and knowing you're shit.

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What's worse than seeing your grandma naked. nothing.

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What's the difference between a badger and a TV? Alot.

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Why doesn't Santa come in the summer? Because it's not Christmas.

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a black man jumps in a pool.

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Why are asians so smart? Because they study very hard and learn the material.

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HEY are you aware of how tired your suitcase is? Sorry, I rest my case.

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What do you get when you mix a racoon and a human. A Smoothie

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A man with a badly injured arm is sitting in a hospital. He says, "Doctor, when my arm heals, will I be able to play the violin?" The doctor says, "With proper medical attention and rest, yes, you will be able to." The man says, "That's great! Before I was hurt, I really enjoyed playing the violin."

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What do you do when a bear chases you? Run.

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PATHETIC

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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