What do you call a gardener in Mexico? Un Jardinero.

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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? In most people who lie eyebrows may raise, eyes may widen and gaze may alter, anal sphincter usually tightens, breathing often quickens marginally, external body temperature alters and sweat (and therefore skin electrical conductivity) increases.

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What has wings but is often on the ground? An aircraft that has frequent take-off problems.

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Why was the Nazi killed? for crimes against Humanity

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A woman walks into a sex sop, she buys a dildo.

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Why did the Turkey cross the road? Because it was stapled to the chicken

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Well, honestly I don't know how I feel about meeting you yet, or chatting with you, I never believed I would get to speak, or even less meet "The Nero", I mean as far as I know, nobody that ever worked alongside you ever has... ...By the way, the thing with the metal arm, well I don't have both arms, so yeah, story of my life. I am "Eliza" here too, its not coding, its just me sharing my real part of my life with our followers, and well, they do not make much sense out of it, but I get to share the tale about how Nero saved me, if not in person.

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What do you get when you cross a dog and a cat? A hybrid animal that can never exist to do each species own genetic make-up which would subsequently reject the other's. I.E. The cat would reject the dog sperm from ever fertilizing and the dog would reject cat sperm.

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If life gives you lemons, give them back. They were probably stolen, and even if they weren't, lemons are a pretty shitty gift to give someone.

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It's not just me bomber, Kane Aodhan and kevin are all posting stuff too so SBB!!!

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Q: What's the meaning of life? A: Look in a Dictionary.

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On a plane directed to Buffalo there are: an italian, a french and a greek. They all go there for tourism

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Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 was a registered sex offender

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What's green and fluffy? Red fluff, if you're color blind.

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What's worse then dumping your' girlfriend over text? Dumping her best friend over text at the same time.

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Where is my tractor?

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Why'd the monkey fall out of the tree? it was dead Why'd the second monkey fall out of the tree? it was stapled to the first monkey Why'd the third monkey fall out of the tree? peer pressure Why'd the fourth monkey fall out of the tree? his girlfriend broke up with him so he commited suicide Why'd the fifth monkey fall out of the tree? cuz it was a dumbass

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I asked my Grandma if she ever tried 69. And she said, “No, but I have done 53 -- that's all the sailors I could screw in one night.”

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Why did Susie fall off the swing? She has no arms. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Susie.

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Why did the policeman arrest the black man? He had commited a crime and murdered somebody.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because the poor thing is so confused and is seeking a near by farm.

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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says "Why the long face?". The horse doesn't respond because it neither speaks nor understands English. It is confused by its surroundings and gallops out of the bar, knocking over a few tables on the way.

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How many boring people does it take to change a light bulb? One.

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HEY are you aware of how tired your suitcase is? Sorry, I rest my case.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops