Q: What was Jerry Sandusky's defensive philosophy at Penn State? A: Get penetration and always cover the Tight End.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I regurgitate doorknobs

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Three men walked into a bar. They looked around, saw that it was pretty crowded, and decided they'd feel more comfortable going somewhere a little less busy down the road.

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Grammar ... the difference between knowing your shit, and knowing you're shit.

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Your mother is so ugly that when she looks in the mirror she feels bad about her appearance.

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Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 was a registered sex offender

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Why'd the monkey fall out of the tree? it was dead Why'd the second monkey fall out of the tree? it was stapled to the first monkey Why'd the third monkey fall out of the tree? peer pressure Why'd the fourth monkey fall out of the tree? his girlfriend broke up with him so he commited suicide Why'd the fifth monkey fall out of the tree? cuz it was a dumbass

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What was the reason for the confused looking woman staring at the can of frozen Apple juice for twenty minutes? Some cans are difficult to open: The little ring bit comes off when you pull it, and then you have to work out a new way to open it, which takes patience and ingenuity.

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A twelve year old walks into a bar. How Tragic

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What do you get when you cross a blond with a plank of wood? A blond with a plank of wood on her head.

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Two astronauts go kayaking in the Sahara Desert. How many pancakes does it take to shingle doghouse? Purple, because ice cream has no bones.

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I have Alzheimer's, but at least I don't have Alzheimer's.

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Why can't Michael J. Fox draw a perfect circle? Because no human can.

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A man with a badly injured arm is sitting in a hospital. He says, "Doctor, when my arm heals, will I be able to play the violin?" The doctor says, "With proper medical attention and rest, yes, you will be able to." The man says, "That's great! Before I was hurt, I really enjoyed playing the violin."

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My mother-in-law is so ugly I actually feel quite sorry for her.

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when I shaved this morning....... hairs went down the sink

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How do you kill a crackhead Put her in a shredder and put the remainings in your ex wifes refrigerator

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Q: Why were the two elephants kicked off the beach? A: They were both level 4 sex offenders.

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A inventor was wandering around the desert one day, then he found a magic lamp, he rubbed on it and thus came up a genie! The genie asked: What do you want? The inventor responded: Meh, no idea... Thy wish is granted, answered the genie. The now ex inventor never came up with something new ever again.. Moral: Huh?

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An American man and a Chinese man have a conversation. The American man asks the Chinese man after a couple of minutes of speaking, "How long have you lived in the United States?" The Chinese man replies, "I moved to the United States when I was ten years old."

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Mary once had a boyfriend with a wooden leg; however, itt was a highly dysfunctional relationship, as the boyfriend was much too possessive of Mary. So Mary was forced to bring a close to the relationship.

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What do you call a man covered in magnets? Attractive

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You

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How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb? Trick Question. Baby's aren't smart enough comprehend changing light bulbs

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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