Why did the football player go to the bank? He had to make a deposit and refinance his home.

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whats worse than 9/11 a paper cut

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roses are red, violets are blue, i have adhd, OH A CHEESEPUFF

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Why did the boat sink? It ran into an iceberg.

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Q: why can't dinosaurs sing? A: because they're dead!!!

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Two ducks are sitting on washcloths in the middle of a lake. One duck looks to the other and asks, "hey, do you have any soap?" to which the other duck responds, "what do you think I am, a typewriter?"

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If one train goes east at 30mph and another train goes south at 53mph, how many pancakes does it take to make a mattress? 7 because peanut butter can't climb trees.

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So i was thinking of going to japan for spring break. I've heard they have some awesome swells.

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I hate being bi-polar; it's awesome!

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Knock Knock. Who's there? James. James who? James from work. Oh, come on in.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? Hoo. Who Hoo? You're a barn owl!

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A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

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Roses are green Violets are yellow I have an optical disorder

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Well, as you know, I have alzheimers and... ... ... ... ... ... Well, as you know, I have alzheimers.

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a black man jumps in a pool.

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4 is half the number 8 is.

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What do you call a gardener in Mexico? Un Jardinero.

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Two guys walk in a bar, and they die.

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How do u know someones running? They leave this????behind

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what little black and can make a woman scream a womans dead roting baby

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Whats the worst part about being fat. Your fat.

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How do you avoid being hit with a toaster? You don't walk past the man hitting you with a toaster.

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What was the reason for the confused looking woman staring at the can of frozen Apple juice for twenty minutes? Some cans are difficult to open: The little ring bit comes off when you pull it, and then you have to work out a new way to open it, which takes patience and ingenuity.

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Knock knock Who's there? I'm the Dick I'm the dick who? I'm the Dick Cheney

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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