A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

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Your mama is so fat that when she walks her legs rub against each other

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Are you a tree? No.

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*Knock knock* Who's there? Stab.

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Women's Rights.

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What's the difference between a duck and a goose? They're two completely different water fowl.

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Hear the one about the giraffe and the clown? Yes.

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What's the difference between a pizza and a jew? A pizza doesn't scream when you put it in the oven

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A baby seal walks in to a club... That's it. That's the joke.

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What did the picture say to the man? Don't frame me

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he has Obsessive Complusive Disorder.

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Tyler: Hey, James if you were a cavemen you would die. James: Why? Tyler: Because everybody hates you.

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why do bananas wear sunscreen? becuase they peel!

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A padawan walks into a bar. He is promptly ridiculed by his master for not minding his surroundings.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? James. James who? James from work. Oh, come on in.

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Why did the car get out of bed? Because the person who owned the car was a total freak and put the car into a bed.

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What do you say to a man, who calls you 3 AM? - "Hello!"

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What's worse than seeing your grandma naked. nothing.

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Why did God use one of Adam's ribs to create Eve? He didn't. God doesn't exist

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What was the reason for the confused looking woman staring at the can of frozen Apple juice for twenty minutes? Some cans are difficult to open: The little ring bit comes off when you pull it, and then you have to work out a new way to open it, which takes patience and ingenuity.

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If you wanna hear a joke scroll down this page more

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How do you stop a baby from flying? Hit it with a shovel.

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Yo mamma's so fat, she died of diabeties and we all mourn her loss.

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How do you get a one armed blonde out of a tree? Wave to her.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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