What do you call an owl that is a magician too? Owls cannot be magician you retard.

thumb_up thumb_down +164

when the doctor asked him why he was sad andreas replyd i have a small penis and drew and devin keep making me drop the soap

thumb_up thumb_down +142

A black guy and a white guy walk into a bar, they were both unemployed and blowing their savings on their alcohol addictions

thumb_up thumb_down +102

Roses are red My binoculars are blue The curtains are open I see you

thumb_up thumb_down +40

A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

What happened when the dinosaur walked out into the rain? He got wet.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

How many licks does it take for a pedophile to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop? Given a simple random sample of pedophiles, they will most likely have the same statistical standard normal distribution of tongue sizes and saliva efficacy as any other part of the population. Therefore, that question in regards to the tongues of pedophiles is irrelevant and remains unanswered.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Whats better than a dead baby? A dead baby in a clown suit

thumb_up thumb_down +20

roses are grey violets are grey im colorblind but your face is still black!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Yo mamas so fat, that I need a new pair of sunglasses.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What's the square root of 69? 8.306623862918075

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Why did Sally fall off the swing? She didn't have arms.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

What's red and invisible? No Tomatoes

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he had already looked both ways and there was no traffic.

thumb_up thumb_down -36

What kind of "room" can you not enter? One with a locked door.

thumb_up thumb_down -94

An Englishman, a Frenchman and a German strand on an island. Searching the jungle, they fall into a trap. They get painfully killed and eaten by the cannibals.

thumb_up thumb_down +47

Why did the boy dress up as a zombie? Because it was Halloween.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Confucius says... The superior man, when resting in safety, does not forget that danger may come. When in a state of security he does not forget the possibility of ruin. When all is orderly, he does not forget that disorder may come. Thus his person is not endangered, and his States and all their clans are preserved.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Q : What did Piers tell his friend before leaving ? A : Bye.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

What's the difference between Jackie Chan and Bruce Lee? Bruce Lee's dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

After Fighting Apollo creed. Rocky screams ADRIAN!!!! After 3 days of cardiac arrest he realises that ardian is a fregment on his imagination

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Why did the alien cross the road. To get to his ship.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

A blonde tries to kill herself cutting both her wrists.Why didn't it work? Because her boyfriend found her just in time and managed to stop the bleeding and took her to the hospital. After some years of therapy they got married and lived happy together for the rest of their lifes.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? Approximately 75 pounds of wood a day

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops