- Anti Joke

A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

Q: what did the tractor say when helost his farmer? A: wheres my farmer?

My dad went into Home Depot, he went in to get garage door part, he took an hour and came back out with three things.

A man walks into a bar. He's an alcoholic, and it's destroying he's family

why dont black people like cruise ships? they already fell for that trick 400 years ago

Why didn't Valerie go on over to Amy's house? Because she's dead.

A penguin is driving through Arizona when his car's oil pressure light comes on. He drops his car off with a mechanic who says he'll get to it soon, and to come back in an hour. The penguin leaves the garage and, seeing a Baskin-Robbins across the street, stops in and orders a dish of ice cream. As he eats the ice cream he reflects on the series of extraordinary events that led him to this place, this time, this situation.

How many worms dose it take to eat an apple? One.

Why did the Muslim guy look nervous and sweaty when the plane took off? Because he is claustrophobic. Racist fucks

Two ducks are sitting on washcloths in the middle of a lake. One duck looks to the other and asks, "hey, do you have any soap?" to which the other duck responds, "what do you think I am, a typewriter?"

How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? Trick question; feminists can't change anything.

Anyone reading this I'm not writing anything Kevin

Knock Knock? Who's their. M. M who? Me.

An Englishman, a Frenchman and a German strand on an island. Searching the jungle, they fall into a trap. They get painfully killed and eaten by the cannibals.

Knock Knock. Who's there? Hoo. Who Hoo? You're a barn owl!

you know somebody is lying when it IS opposite day.

I grew up, if we cannot live for ourselves, we cannot live for others, remember how people admired us when in their presence, while mocking us behind our backs, most humans do nor respect those that do not rule with lies, false promises, all backed up by an army no amount of civilians can defeat. We lost because people got what they wanted, preferring false promises from all ranging from their Gods, to their politicians speaking about their Gods, promises of betterment as a result of war in the name of Gods, but we are not that people. The problem is, that I used to believe that all of humanity possessed the potential people you and I have, and realize now that when I began looking down at people, I began looking down at myself, considering us all equal to them. Red, we might be few, but we are worth far more than those we consider our equals, maybe it is time even we, sought to rule those that desire to be ruled, rather than to help them find their desired path, because their desired path, might always have been to be ruled.

whats worse than getting a papercut on the tip of your finger? getting crushed by a refrigerator

Why did God use one of Adam's ribs to create Eve? He didn't. God doesn't exist

Did you hear about the black man who went to college? Me too! I'm so proud of him!

why does renee suk at tetris? i dont know thats why im asking

What's broken to the side of the road and covered in cookie crumbs? A girlscout that got hit by a car.

Knock knock Who's there? I'm the Dick I'm the dick who? I'm the Dick Cheney

So this one time at band camp... a flute gave me an STD.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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