What makes Stephen Hawking such a lame scientist??? A: he has a disabling disease. It's called ALS.

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I hate being bi-polar; it's awesome!

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When the black man was driving his car, why did he stop in front of the gun store? Because his car's velocity reached zero at that location.

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What's big, wet and hairy? Not what you think it is.

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Simon says; "You're adopted."

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Miley Cyrus.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Fred. Hello Fred.

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How do you avoid being hit with a toaster? You don't walk past the man hitting you with a toaster.

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Yes.

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Why did God use one of Adam's ribs to create Eve? He didn't. God doesn't exist

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Why couldn't the man find his watch? Because he was mugged by a homeless man and had severe brain damage..... ....and because he left it at the office

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Why can't Michael J. Fox draw a perfect circle? Because no human can.

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A blonde tries to kill herself cutting both her wrists.Why didn't it work? Because her boyfriend found her just in time and managed to stop the bleeding and took her to the hospital. After some years of therapy they got married and lived happy together for the rest of their lifes.

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The Arrowtongue commands the road like a semi-truck. But the Gyrosprinter corners on a dime.

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Two Irish men walk into a bar, order a drink and sit down to enjoy the drink and friednly conversation.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Last night I came home to find my entire family murdered....

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A woman comes to the doctor with a dog and the doctor says: -What are you doing here, dog? Get the hell out of here, you're an animal.

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the other day i saw a mouse run across my floor. i said "okay" and proceeded with my life

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What do you call a car that is green? A Green Car.

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A guy walks up to a girl and says: " hey can I have your number so can I have your text you later?" she says " no" he says " why ?" she says" guess" He says " look if you don't like me thats okay, " he gets up and walks away, turns out she doesn't have a cell phone, she was gonna give him her house number to call.

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Robin- Hey, Batman, can i drive tonight? Batman- Eat my left dick Robin- OK, Batman, but can i still ... mmuupfm fmuupmf... I suppose that means no... mmmupf mmfupfmpfmum...

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what do you call a black guy who flies planes? a pilot

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A man stumbles across a magic lamp. He doesn't believe in genies, so he sells it for profit on the antiquarian market.

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A: Knock knock B: Who’s there? A: The police B: The police who? A: Ma’am, your son is dead.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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