A man stumbles across a magic lamp. He doesn't believe in genies, so he sells it for profit on the antiquarian market.

thumb_up thumb_down +62

3 jews walk into a bar I lied it was a gas chamber

thumb_up thumb_down +60

Did you hear about the circus fire? It was intense

thumb_up thumb_down +48

Yo mama is so fat, so when she jumped of a building, she died.

thumb_up thumb_down +42

A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

Who eats chicken noodle soup? Anybody who enjoys chicken noodle soup.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

Whats blue and fuzzy? blue fuzz.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

My claustrophobia was cured by imagining that all small spaces were naked.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Roses are red My binoculars are blue The curtains are open I see you

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Yes.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Men's Rights

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Knock knock Who's there? I'm the Dick I'm the dick who? I'm the Dick Cheney

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Advice from a pro: Don't be a faggot

thumb_up thumb_down -14

What did the deaf, dumb, blind kid get on his birthday? Cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Why did the Muslim guy look nervous and sweaty when the plane took off? Because he is claustrophobic. Racist fucks

thumb_up thumb_down -24

What has wings but is often on the ground? An aircraft that has frequent take-off problems.

thumb_up thumb_down -38

When does the narwhal bacon? When the universe looses its realism to the point where every animals' meat is bacon at a certain time, and a person hunts a narwhal at the crack of dawn when there is a triple rainbow and the narwhal's DNA is combined with a pig's just long enough for the meat to be bacon when the person shoots it.

thumb_up thumb_down -44

How do you make a doctor upset? Teabag his dying mother

thumb_up thumb_down -58

What do you call a black man running down the street? A promising athlete in training.

thumb_up thumb_down -76

What do you say to a man, who calls you 3 AM? - "Hello!"

thumb_up thumb_down +45

Q: Why did Temia go to sleep? A: Cause swaq and she was so skuxx!

thumb_up thumb_down +33

why did tom get HIV? He was raped by a giant scorpion

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Yo mama so fat she sells shade. Yo mama so fat she needs cheat codes for wii fit. Yo mama so fat she in call of duty when a player kills her they get a 5 person kill streak. Yo mama so fat that she is fat. :)

thumb_up thumb_down +29

You wanna hear a real joke? Well, look at the post below this one.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops