how do you get a clown to fall off a swing? hit it with an axe

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Why do I staple a mans mouth to his penis. Because I wanted to

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You're a wizard Harry! I am?

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Abe Lincoln, George Washington, George Bush and Barack Obama are sitting at a table at a bar. They discuss politics and time travel.

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A one legged long jumper missed the world record by one foot.

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Whats the worst part about being fat. Your fat.

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a man is stranded on a deserted island with no food, water or clothing and he comes upon a magical genie lamp, a genie pops out and tells him that he has three wishes, the man asks for food,water, and clothing, the genie says "of course" the man was elated but then the genie says " but i'm afraid to tell you that genies don't exist and your hallucinating from your harsh living conditions...i'm sorry" the man lived two more weeks before dying slowly...

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Confucius says... The superior man, when resting in safety, does not forget that danger may come. When in a state of security he does not forget the possibility of ruin. When all is orderly, he does not forget that disorder may come. Thus his person is not endangered, and his States and all their clans are preserved.

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Knock Knock Who's There? You don't know me, but I just hit a car parked on the street outside your house and I believe its yours, we should exchange information

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What's broken to the side of the road and covered in cookie crumbs? A girlscout that got hit by a car.

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What did one muffin say to the other muffin? Nothing. Muffins are incapable of speaking.

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Roses are Red Violets are Blue And you will be too when i'm done with ya

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What would you if I slapped you in the face with a fish? Unless you are a push-over, it is likely that you would retaliate with anger.

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How many Mexicans can you fit into a car? The bathroom is on the left, mam.

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Q: why can't dinosaurs sing? A: because they're dead!!!

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What is the definition of nothing? The opposite of something.

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What's a skeleton's favorite type of music? Nothing. Skeletons are just the decomposed remains of a being that was once living.

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how many jews can you fit in an oven? -well zero because the conventional oven cannot fit a full sized human

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What did the homeless war veteran get for christmas? Nothing because we don't treat our veterans very well.

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Three ladies were seen eating ice cream. One of them was licking the ice cream. Another was sucking the ice cream and the other was biting the ice cream. One of these ladies is currently married. Which one among them is the married lady? The one with a wedding ring on.

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I'm hungry.

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Why did the football player go to the bank? He had to make a deposit and refinance his home.

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What do you call a man who writes anti-jokes? Rhys, because that is my name. thank you

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did it hurt when you fell from heaven? cause it looked like you landed on your face

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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