A baby tastes grapefruit juice for the first time. She is allergic and immediately begins convulsing and dies.

thumb_up thumb_down -131

What do you call an owl that is a magician too? Owls cannot be magician you retard.

thumb_up thumb_down +160

Knock Knock? Who's their. M. M who? Me.

thumb_up thumb_down +156

Steven Hawking walks into a bar. No he doesn't.

thumb_up thumb_down +84

Why couldn't Jimmy drive the tractor? Because he has no arms or legs. Why doesn't he have any arms or legs? Because he is a potato.

thumb_up thumb_down +72

What do you call a black guy flying a plane? A pilot, you racist.

thumb_up thumb_down +46

Why couldn't the asian drive the car. He was underage and did not have his license yet.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

What did Scooby Doo say to Shaggy? Raggy

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Why did Nigel decide to lie and remain on the ground? He didn't. Somebody beat him ruthlessly and stole his wheelchair. Nigel has no legs by the way.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

How many Jews can you fit in a car? Comfortably, four.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

69

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What do get when you cross a truck and a cliff? Flames.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

What did the nurse say to the man who got an erection while being given a sponge bath? She assured him it was a normal reaction and moved on to clean his arms.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

What do you give a sick bird? First-Aid tweetment.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

What kind of "room" can you not enter? One with a locked door.

thumb_up thumb_down -98

What did the Mexican firefighter name his twin boys? Thomas and David after his father and grandfather.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

My claustrophobia was cured by imagining that all small spaces were naked.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

How many licks does it take for a pedophile to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop? Given a simple random sample of pedophiles, they will most likely have the same statistical standard normal distribution of tongue sizes and saliva efficacy as any other part of the population. Therefore, that question in regards to the tongues of pedophiles is irrelevant and remains unanswered.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Confucius says... The superior man, when resting in safety, does not forget that danger may come. When in a state of security he does not forget the possibility of ruin. When all is orderly, he does not forget that disorder may come. Thus his person is not endangered, and his States and all their clans are preserved.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

A twelve year old walks into a bar. How Tragic

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Dont look at me.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Why did Jordan miss the bus? The bus didn't miss hitting him.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

America

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Why did the football player go to the bank? He had to make a deposit and refinance his home.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops