A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Q. What do you call a bunch of guys in a shower? A. The Holocaust.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Your mama is so fat that when she walks her legs rub against each other

thumb_up thumb_down +33

My cat used to be afraid of storms. But now it's dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

whats worse than getting a papercut on the tip of your finger? getting crushed by a refrigerator

thumb_up thumb_down +21

The dog buried it's bone. The next day it unburied it, and chewed on it until it was wrecked.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

whats funnier than a penguin playing a banjo? i don't know because I've never seen one and probably never will because it is a highly improbable event.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

America

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? I lost my tractor!

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Guess what i realized when i became 18? I was 18

thumb_up thumb_down -1

From a picture, it is difficult to tell the difference between an apatosaurus and a diplodocus.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Hear the one about the giraffe and the clown? Yes.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

*Knock knock* Who's there? *Silence* (The person knocking is deaf)

thumb_up thumb_down -17

what would be worse then 9/11 and the holocaust? -if the twin towers fell on a concentration camp

thumb_up thumb_down -25

What did I write on this website? This antijoke.

thumb_up thumb_down -55

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have a gun, Get in the van.

thumb_up thumb_down +122

What do you call a white guy with a taller black woman? A man in a deeply committed relationship.

thumb_up thumb_down +100

What do you call a black man in space? an astronaut

thumb_up thumb_down +84

Q: what did the tractor say when helost his farmer? A: wheres my farmer?

thumb_up thumb_down +18

What happens if you fight Chuck Norris? You might lose or win.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

what do you call a cow? A cow

thumb_up thumb_down +4

whats worse than 9/11 a paper cut

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why did the pirate fall off his ship? He got pushed off by another pirate

thumb_up thumb_down -2

After Fighting Apollo creed. Rocky screams ADRIAN!!!! After 3 days of cardiac arrest he realises that ardian is a fregment on his imagination

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops