How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? In most people who lie eyebrows may raise, eyes may widen and gaze may alter, anal sphincter usually tightens, breathing often quickens marginally, external body temperature alters and sweat (and therefore skin electrical conductivity) increases.

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roses are red Jacob's a Jew the holocaust was funny Haha f**k you

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Why don't white people do the right thing? Because we suck

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When does the narwhal bacon? When the universe looses its realism to the point where every animals' meat is bacon at a certain time, and a person hunts a narwhal at the crack of dawn when there is a triple rainbow and the narwhal's DNA is combined with a pig's just long enough for the meat to be bacon when the person shoots it.

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How many Jews died in the Holocaust? Not enough.

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Chuck Norris is a regular human being, just like the rest of us.

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How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? Trick question; feminists can't change anything.

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why do bananas wear sunscreen? becuase they peel!

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1: Why did the chicken cross the road? 2: The chicken has a right to privacy, stop questioning what she does

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What do you call a black guy flying a plane? A pilot, you racist.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He was very mad at his mother, so he ran away, and, on the other side of the road, he saw a ver luxurious chicken coop. In other words, duh.

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whats funnier than a penguin playing a banjo? i don't know because I've never seen one and probably never will because it is a highly improbable event.

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How many hamburgers can a grizzly bear eat? Maybe 6.

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69

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What did the smoker get for christmas? A bike.

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Two astronauts go kayaking in the Sahara Desert. How many pancakes does it take to shingle doghouse? Purple, because ice cream has no bones.

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What did santa say to the little girl on Christmas Eve? Santa isn't real, but pedophiles are.

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A man is being followed by a large swarm of mosquitoes. He eradicates them by spraying himself with an insect repellent that has a high deet concentration.

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banana

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HEY are you aware of how tired your suitcase is? Sorry, I rest my case.

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my president is black, my lambo's blue, $14,400,000,000,000 national debt

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Why was the cancer patient in the hospital? Her mother threw a rock at her head.

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A inventor was wandering around the desert one day, then he found a magic lamp, he rubbed on it and thus came up a genie! The genie asked: What do you want? The inventor responded: Meh, no idea... Thy wish is granted, answered the genie. The now ex inventor never came up with something new ever again.. Moral: Huh?

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What did the girl fruit say to the boy fruit when he wanted to marry her? "No."

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops