Ask me if I am a tree Are you a tree? ..no

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A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

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whats worse than getting a papercut on the tip of your finger? getting crushed by a refrigerator

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What do you do when you see a mentally challenged kid in a wheelchair? Walk up and offer to push him, as you should since he probably hasn't had a lot of friends in his lifetime.

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Q: what did the tractor say when helost his farmer? A: wheres my farmer?

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Some poems rhyme, But this one doesn't.

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How did the ship-less pirate cross the Atlantic? In an airplane.

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Guy 1: Ever heard of Ethiopian food? Guy 2: No habla espanol... Guy 1: Oh....

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Q: what's black and white and red all over? A: someone getting murderd on a news paper

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roses are red violets are blue i suck at poetry show me your tits

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Knock knock Who's there doorbell Doorbell who Doorbells can't knock

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Q. What is the difference between a bird and a fly? A. A bird can fly, but a fly can't.

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What would you if I slapped you in the face with a fish? Unless you are a push-over, it is likely that you would retaliate with anger.

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roses are red Jacob's a Jew the holocaust was funny Haha f**k you

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Q: What did the teen mom put her newborn daughter up for? A: Adoption

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A man sees Bill Murray at a restaurant in Los Angeles and tells his friends about the incident. They believe the story, because it is entirely plausible that it actually happened.

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What do you call a black man in space? an astronaut

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A man stumbles across a magic lamp. He doesn't believe in genies, so he sells it for profit on the antiquarian market.

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3 jews walk into a bar I lied it was a gas chamber

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Why did the car get out of bed? Because the person who owned the car was a total freak and put the car into a bed.

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Miley Cyrus.

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I SHOT SOMEBODY!!!! Said no stormtrooper ever.

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*Knock knock* Who's there? Stab.

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How do you get a one armed blonde out of a tree? Wave to her.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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