How do you stop a baby from flying? Hit it with a shovel.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

What's the square root of 69? 8.306623862918075

thumb_up thumb_down +10

A man walks into a bar and has a wonderful time drinking with his friends, arrives home at a reasonable time and goes to bed.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Guess what i realized when i became 18? I was 18

thumb_up thumb_down -2

what is brown and shaped like a tree?

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Why couldn't Helen Keller drive? She was blind and deaf, leaving her unable to respond to external stimuli and thus unlikely to able to pass a basic driving test.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? Approximately 75 pounds of wood a day

thumb_up thumb_down -12

What did the nurse say to the man who got an erection while being given a sponge bath? She assured him it was a normal reaction and moved on to clean his arms.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

What did the robot say to the centipede? Stop being a centipede.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Once there was a man, he was accused of false accusations.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Roses are red Violets are blue Last night I came home to find my entire family murdered....

thumb_up thumb_down -30

what little black and can make a woman scream a womans dead roting baby

thumb_up thumb_down -112

What do you call an owl that is a magician too? Owls cannot be magician you retard.

thumb_up thumb_down +161

What's big, wet and hairy? Not what you think it is.

thumb_up thumb_down +49

Roses are green Violets are yellow I have an optical disorder

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Do you know what does Wikipedia says about Elton John ? It says that Sir Elton Hercules John, CBE (born Reginald Kenneth Dwight; 25 March 1947) is an English singer-songwriter, composer and pianist. He has worked with his songwriting partner Bernie Taupin since 1967; they have collaborated on more than 30 albums to date.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Susie sells seashells by the seashore. Susie was a schizophrenic bitch who caused irreversible harm to her family and those close to her. She also had underage sex with a black guy named John. He was actually a pretty decent guy, but he decided to smoke weed a couple times when his dad was going through some tough times. His dad resented him for this fact and it caused unresolved tension between them for years. This caused John to go out and seek younger girls to have sex with, to fill the emptiness he and his dad's relationship left him with. Meanwhile, Susie was falling in love with John, not knowing his many dark secrets he had tried best to keep hidden from her. Eventually, all of these things come out in the open, and Susie still respects him and ultimately loves him even more for being so honest.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Somewhere, sometime in the world a man leads his country prominently in an era of change. He makes beautiful and strong speeches to his people. He also kills millions of Jewish people. No seriously, he kills millions of people it's great.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Knock knock Who's there doorbell Doorbell who Doorbells can't knock

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Roses are Red Violets are Blue And you will be too when i'm done with ya

thumb_up thumb_down -15

What did the deaf, dumb, blind kid get on his birthday? Cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Why did the bird fall out of the tree?" "Because it was dead?" "No. Becaus it was stapled to the squirrel.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Two ducks are sitting on washcloths in the middle of a lake. One duck looks to the other and asks, "hey, do you have any soap?" to which the other duck responds, "what do you think I am, a typewriter?"

thumb_up thumb_down -23

What did the doctor say to the terminally ill patient? Your going to die.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops