2 men walk into a bar. The first man proceeds to fall on the ground and let out a string of obscenities, obviously in excruciating pain. The second man, fearing that he may have suffered some sort of concussion, immediately goes to his doctor and gets checked out. He is still awaiting results.

thumb_up thumb_down -43

there are 2 sausages in a pan. one sausage says "wow it's hot in here" and the other sausage says "MY GOD A TALKING SAUSAGE!!!!"

thumb_up thumb_down -45

Why did the chicken cross the road? Why not

thumb_up thumb_down -49

Ask me if I am a tree Are you a tree? ..no

thumb_up thumb_down +64

Yo mama is so fat, so when she jumped of a building, she died.

thumb_up thumb_down +44

What do a duck and a bike have in common? They both have handle bars except for the duck

thumb_up thumb_down +32

My claustrophobia was cured by imagining that all small spaces were naked.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

What do get when you cross a truck and a cliff? Flames.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why did the bird fall out of the tree?" "Because it was dead?" "No. Becaus it was stapled to the squirrel.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

What does a blonde do in her spare time. Why are you interested, creep!

thumb_up thumb_down -40

What do you call a car that is green? A Green Car.

thumb_up thumb_down -50

How many dead babies can you fit in a trunk? 37.

thumb_up thumb_down +161

What's wonderful about babies? They will die sooner or later....All Of Them

thumb_up thumb_down +111

What do you call a white guy with a taller black woman? A man in a deeply committed relationship.

thumb_up thumb_down +107

Why was the construction worker crying? Because do to the failing economy, he was recently let go from his job, and he is mortified by the idea of being unable to find work and ending up homeless and unable to fend for his family.

thumb_up thumb_down +81

What did a tampon say to the other tampon? Nothing, they were both stuck up bitches.

thumb_up thumb_down +77

a short man asked a tall man "hey hows the weather up there"? the tall man couldnt answer cause he was sucked up by a tornado that missed the short man

thumb_up thumb_down +45

Justin Bieber

thumb_up thumb_down +41

Why does steve wonder always smile? He doesn't know he's black

thumb_up thumb_down +39

A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Your mama is so fat that when she walks her legs rub against each other

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Are you a tree? No.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

*Knock knock* Who's there? Stab.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

What's the difference between a duck and a goose? They're two completely different water fowl.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops