How do you keep a black guy out of your backyard? You tell him "STAY OUT"

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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Did you see Stevie Wonder's new house? No? Don't worry, he didn't either

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Why are blondes stupid? They are not. Its just in America society has been given that impression through inaccurate and crude jokes.

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Why did Jordan miss the bus? The bus didn't miss hitting him.

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Two sausages were in a pan. One says "Wow it's hot in here!" the other says "OH MY GOD A TALKING SAUSAGE"

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whats worse than 9/11 a paper cut

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What do you call a black man who sells drugs? A pharmacist.

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Funding a half worm in your apple because you just ate half of a worm!

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Q: What did the teen mom put her newborn daughter up for? A: Adoption

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I enjoy the fact that the jokes I post that do not make me laugh, are the ones that get zero thumbs, while those that at least make me smile, get at least a couple, I admit thought that its hard to keep track with me, I type jokes so fast that they disappear in the back before people can thumb them... Have you heard... Of the dog that was barking up the wrong three? The three said: Damn dog! I am not a tree! The dog kept barking, as dogs do not speak. Moral: Numbers speak fluently in most languages though...

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Did you hear about the man who fell out of an aeroplane at 2000 feet? He was taking part in a charity skydive to raise money for his dying brother, a chronic sufferer of cystic fibrosis.

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Why did Hellen Keller masturbate with her left hand? Because her right hand was tired.

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What never seems to get old? AIDS.

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What happened the magic tractor? It turned into the feild!

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Whats blue and fuzzy? blue fuzz.

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What did the homeless war veteran get for christmas? Nothing because we don't treat our veterans very well.

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Whats worse than dying? Nothing, really.

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obamas trench

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What's worse than repeating holocaust jokes? Repeating the holocaust.

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Why did the pirate fall off his ship? He got pushed off by another pirate

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Why was 6 afraid of 7? *cause 7 8 9? NO cause 7 was a nigga!

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What did Darth Vader say when he spilled his drink? Darth Vader is a fictional character and is not a part of humanity.

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What does a blonde do in her spare time. Why are you interested, creep!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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