A horse walks into a bar and the bartenders says, "why the long face?" The horse doesn't respond because horses do not comprehend English. He then becomes startled by his surroundings and bolts out of the bar, knocking over a few tables.

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Whats funny about a car crash? If a bowl of soup is talking.

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What did Batman say to Robin before they get into the Batmobile? -Come on Robin, get into the Batmobile!

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Why did Nigel decide to lie and remain on the ground? He didn't. Somebody beat him ruthlessly and stole his wheelchair. Nigel has no legs by the way.

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It's a bird! No it's a plane! No you idiots, it's only a cloud.

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*Knock knock* Who's there? Stab.

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roses are red violets are blue your baby has down syndrome

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How do you kill a blond? You don't. If you do, you'll get reported to the cops and sent to jail.

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A man walking on a beach looks into the surf and sees a beautiful oil lamp floating to shore. Wondering who in the heck uses oil lamps anymore, he picks it up, sees a bit of crust on the side, and rubs it clean. Just then a burst of smoke comes out of the lamp, and a genie floats out and stands before the man. "Oh master, thank you for releasing me from the lamp. In thanks, I grant to you one wish. Anything you ask for, it will be true," said the genie. "One wish? What happened to three," asked the man. "Dude, don't push it. We're in a recession. So what's your wish?" "OK. OK. I ... I... I WISH I WAS RICH!" screamed the man. The genie folded his arms, blinked twice, scratched his nose, nodded his head, and spun in a circle twice. "And it is SO!" he cried out. The man looked at himself, looked at the genie, but nothing seemed to have changed. "WTF, genie. Am I rich?" The genie replied, "Well no. You said, 'I wish I was rich.' I made you rich... ten years ago. You were rich. Now you're not. You used the indicative mood 'was.' If you wanted it to become true now in the present, you should have used the subjunctive mood 'were.'"

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How does a spider write its diary entries every night? With a pen.

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Your mams so fat that she has aids... and i gave it to her

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What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas? Shoes, socks, and mittens.

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How do you make a doctor upset? Teabag his dying mother

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What did a tampon say to the other tampon? Nothing, they were both stuck up bitches.

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What did one Teacher say to the other teacher? Nothing. The first teacher has a horrible drinking habbit which is getting out of hand, He beats his wife and children each night after his drinks at the bar. His parents have stopped all contact and he found some divorce papers in his wifes draw, also saying she would be getting full costudy of the children. He has lost the majority of his friends and didnt want to loose another one, and kept his problems to himself.

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Person 1: You have something on your head Person 2: What? Where? What is it? Person 1: Hair

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The man who killed hitler must have ben a swell dude a.w. j.p.

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What did the senile man say to the kids on his lawn? Tree dance the gator thong for my nipples.

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Roses are red, However, they can also be other colours, such as white, pink or yellow.

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Q: What do you call a black pilot? A: A pilot, you racist

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What is the difference between Michael Jackson and Neil Armstrong? Neil Armstrong was the first one to walk on the moon... and Michael Jackson molested little children.

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Why did the boat sink? It ran into an iceberg.

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Why was six afraid of seven? Because Se7en was a scary movie!

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Mexicans are like waffles

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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