What did the smoker get for christmas? A bike.

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Q: What did William Wallace say to Beyonce after Taylor Swift's performance? A: Nothing, because William Wallace has been dead for some time now.

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Why did the pirate fall off his ship? He got pushed off by another pirate

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I was trying to think of a joke to write, but then I became unsatisfied with my creativity and began to spiral into a depressing tangent of thoughts. I just took 37 Ambien, and have approximately ten minutes to live. Instead, I will spend my last moments writing goodbye messages to friends on Facebook and longingly looking at images of the past. Goodbye, world.

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a man walks out of his home and into a bar PLOT TWIST! he is a chicken

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Your mams so fat that she has aids... and i gave it to her

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What would you if I slapped you in the face with a fish? Unless you are a push-over, it is likely that you would retaliate with anger.

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Why didn't the skeleton go to the party? He had heard from a mutual friend that his ex-girlfriend, who he had recently broken up with, would be present at the same party and to avoid an awkward encounter he chose not to go.

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What do you call a man who writes anti-jokes? Rhys, because that is my name. thank you

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what would be worse then 9/11 and the holocaust? -if the twin towers fell on a concentration camp

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did it hurt when you fell from heaven? cause it looked like you landed on your face

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What does the Cookie Monster eat? Nothing. The Cookie Monster is not a living, sentient being and does not require sustenance to live.

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A baby walks into a bar, the whole bar applaudes for the baby boy who just took his first steps.

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Why did Suzy's neck hurt? Because it was broken

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You don't need to know a girls period schedule. Just look in the garbage.

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a man is stranded on a deserted island with no food, water or clothing and he comes upon a magical genie lamp, a genie pops out and tells him that he has three wishes, the man asks for food,water, and clothing, the genie says "of course" the man was elated but then the genie says " but i'm afraid to tell you that genies don't exist and your hallucinating from your harsh living conditions...i'm sorry" the man lived two more weeks before dying slowly...

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What did the homeless war veteran get for christmas? Nothing because we don't treat our veterans very well.

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Why did Uncle Monty shove his head up a horses arse? Because it gave Doris an erection. She chose to keep her male genital organs following her gender changing procedure, so that she could still father children.

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What smells like shit and is covered in cheese? Sean's pizza socks.

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Why wasn't the bat nocturnal? It was dead.

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Q: What do you call a black pilot? A: A pilot, you racist

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what do you get when you combine fire and water? alcohol

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Are You McDonalds Because I'm Loving It

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You're a wizard Harry! I am?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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