Jesus walks into a hotel, slams four nails down on the counter, and says, "Put me up for the night!" The concierge looks at him and says, "You're not Jesus. Jesus was brutally murdered approximately 1,970 years ago. And although I may not be a believer, his teachings have brought comfort and solace to millions of people around the world. Nor do we accept nails as payment. Please remove yourself from the premises or I will call security."

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Why did the black man die? He drove off a cliff.

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69

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Stephen Hawkings walks into a bar. Everyone is amazed because he can now walk.

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Apple.

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2 men walk into a bar. The first man proceeds to fall on the ground and let out a string of obscenities, obviously in excruciating pain. The second man, fearing that he may have suffered some sort of concussion, immediately goes to his doctor and gets checked out. He is still awaiting results.

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Why am I losing my time writing this joke even knowing that I will get lots of thumbs down?

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Joe Paterno doesn't walk into a police station..

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Why did the little girl fall off the swing? Because she had cancer and died.

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What's better than winning a gold medal in the Special Olympics? Not being disabled.

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You might be a redneck if you spent all day in the sun without sunscreen.

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ROB SNIEDER ISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS A CAARRRRROT! rated pg-13

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Two men walked into a bar. The third man ducked.

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A violent biker gang walks into a bar to have a few drinks, the bar tender says "I'm sorry we can not serve you here." They then proceed to beat the man violently.

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Why did the boat sink? It ran into an iceberg.

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Every 60 seconds in Africa.... A minute passes.

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How many friends did Jeffery have? 0 because he ate them and put them in his fridge.

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A priest, a nun, and a rabbi walk into a bar. There's a massive earthquake and the bar collapses to the ground, killing everyone inside.

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An Irishman walked out of a bar. A Frenchman was polite. An Englishman had beautiful teeth.

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what do you tell a woman with two black eyes? nothing you already told her twice

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What is funnier than this joke? Jokes with higher ratings.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was stapled to the dog, which also fell out of the tree.

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why did the lady take anti depressants? because she was depressed

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A man calls his 23 year old nephew on a Saturday night. He's calling him, in order to apologise for molesting him when he was younger. As he could no longer live with the guilt and shame. They both start to cry on the phone. The nephew hangs up " I can't do this.." The man receives an email from his boss, saying " Lisa told me she's still waiting for your analysis on the new federal cuts and how they're going to affect us. Please send them asap."

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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