What is the oppisite of water? Dry!

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Yo mamma's so fat, she should try NutriSystem.

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Q: Why couldn't Katie ride a bike? A: Because she has leprosy.

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Q. What do you call a bunch of guys in a shower? A. The Holocaust.

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Friends are like snow: If you piss on them, they disappear.

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Guess what? what. You guessed it!!

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69

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Knock Knock. Who's There? Jehovah's Witnesses.

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Have you heard about the new German microwave? It's a great labour-saving appliance that cooks food much more quickly than a conventional oven

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What's brown and sticky? Poop.

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JUSTIN BIEBER IS A FAG

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Why wasn't the woman in the kitchen? Because she was in the living room.

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The iguana is the only mammal capable of photosynthesis.

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What did the squirrel say to the dog? "I have AIDS."

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Rosa Parks is going to be here if she gets to the bus on time!

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What does a baby sound like when put in the microwave? I don't know, I was masturbating.

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When there's something weird in your neighborhood, who you gonna call? The police.

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Three men are on a plane. (Note, that this is a low-altitude plane, in which they are allowed to open the windows) The stewardess offers the first man refreshments. He asks for an orange. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his orange, he throws it out the window. The stewardess moves on to the second man, who asks for an apple. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Also confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his apple, he throws it out the window. Finally, the stewardess moves onto the third man, who asks for a bomb. Without question, the stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. With no reaction, the man receives the bomb, then throws it out the window. Upon landing, the first man sees a woman crying. With a sympathetic heart, he asks what's the matter. She replies, "I was walking down the street, and an orange came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man brushes the event off as a coincidence. The second man sees another woman crying. Upon asking her what's the matter, she replies, "I was walking down the street, and an apple came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man, confused, apologizes and walks away. The third man sees a woman hysterically laughing. Intrigued, he inquires her jolly. She manages to state through her hysteria, "When me fart, me whole house blow up!"

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Q: How does Lady Gaga like her meat? A: Exactly what her preference is.

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Three men walk into a bar. You'd think one of them would have seen it.

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385

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What's better than ice cream? Anal sex

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Two sausages were in a pan. One says "Wow it's hot in here!" the other says "OH MY GOD A TALKING SAUSAGE"

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Whats the difference between a Jew and a pizza? Pizza is not a group of people but in fact a dish originating in the Middle East.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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