what did the cat say when he walked into a room full of dogs? Get meowt of here!

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What's the difference between an elephant and I?Our mass.

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Get in the car.

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A man walking on a beach looks into the surf and sees a beautiful oil lamp floating to shore. Wondering who in the heck uses oil lamps anymore, he picks it up, sees a bit of crust on the side, and rubs it clean. Just then a burst of smoke comes out of the lamp, and a genie floats out and stands before the man. "Oh master, thank you for releasing me from the lamp. In thanks, I grant to you one wish. Anything you ask for, it will be true," said the genie. "One wish? What happened to three," asked the man. "Dude, don't push it. We're in a recession. So what's your wish?" "OK. OK. I ... I... I WISH I WAS RICH!" screamed the man. The genie folded his arms, blinked twice, scratched his nose, nodded his head, and spun in a circle twice. "And it is SO!" he cried out. The man looked at himself, looked at the genie, but nothing seemed to have changed. "WTF, genie. Am I rich?" The genie replied, "Well no. You said, 'I wish I was rich.' I made you rich... ten years ago. You were rich. Now you're not. You used the indicative mood 'was.' If you wanted it to become true now in the present, you should have used the subjunctive mood 'were.'"

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How many ants does it take to fill an apartment? It depends on the size of the apartment.

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How do you make a baby spin? Put it in a blender and turn it on.

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Whats worse than the holucaust.......... Nothing

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What's funnier than killing a bunch of orphans? Pretty much anything is funnier than that. What's wrong with you?

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Why is 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 is black.

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Surprise mother father (A+)

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how do you get a clown to fall off a swing? hit it with an axe

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Why did the one-legged chicken say déjà vu? It felt a strong sensation that the current event had been experienced in the past.

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A woman's opinion

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I was trying to think of a joke to write, but then I became unsatisfied with my creativity and began to spiral into a depressing tangent of thoughts. I just took 37 Ambien, and have approximately ten minutes to live. Instead, I will spend my last moments writing goodbye messages to friends on Facebook and longingly looking at images of the past. Goodbye, world.

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roses are red violets are blue your baby has down syndrome

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So once upon a midnight dreery.... In a galaxy far far away that takes place in the past but resembles a technologically advanced future, an evil sith overlord took an innocent Jedi knight and turned him in a cybernetic killing machine. In the end, he dies

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why dont black people like cruise ships? they already fell for that trick 400 years ago

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A teenage girl walks into a bar and orders an alcoholic drink. The bartender declines the order as she is under the legal age of purchasing and consuming alcohol.

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i hate anti-jokes ;)

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he had already looked both ways and there was no traffic.

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When there's something weird in your neighborhood, who you gonna call? The police.

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What did Batman say to his parents? Nothing. They're dead. Idiot.

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The King stands next to a pole. The King goes away, the pole stays there.

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I hate it when i don't forward an email and then i die the next day.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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