Yo mamas so fat, that I need a new pair of sunglasses.

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So I was making this glass of milk right? So I get the milk out. And I get the soup out.. then I go...wait a minute...where'd the glass of soup come into this glass of situations? *smile+awkard pause because nobody will laugh at this=Success of this anti joke...try it*

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Being shot repeatedly in the chest.

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Why did the cow jump over the moon? He cant jump over the moon due to low gravity

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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what did the cat say when he walked into a room full of dogs? Get meowt of here!

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I am darkness, soon I shall rule the world, those of you that desire to serve me thumb this up, those of you that desire eternal fear beyond your imagination, thumb me down. Moral: Try thinking of me and thinking "he is crazy", in order to unlock the secrets behind spontaneous human combustion.

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What's the difference between mustangs and dead babies I don't collect mustangs

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Where does a homeless person live? No where

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What the black guy say to the Jew during the blizzard? I think it's snowing.

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Dislike if you shag sheep ;)

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An Irishman walked out of a bar. A Frenchman was polite. An Englishman had beautiful teeth.

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Why did he buy ANTIJOKE THE BOOK! - ? Because he wanted to read it.

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Three Blondes were walking when they come upon some tracks. The first blonde says they're deer tracks. The second blonde says they're elk tracks. The last blonde says they're moose tracks. While they are all arguing about what type of tracks they are, they get hit by a train.

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How many rednecks does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Three.

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Q: Why didn't the Government help the poor little boy? A: Because he was taking a test and that would be cheating.

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Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a loaf of bread

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I like my women like I like my coffee. Without a penis.

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Did you know Helen Keller had a dog? Yeah neither did she.

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What did the Neo-Nazi say to the Jew? Hello.

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What's better than ice cream? Anal sex

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Q. What do you call a bunch of guys in a shower? A. The Holocaust.

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How do you kill a 1000 Ethiopians? Throw a biscuit off a cliff. JimBoto

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How do you make a baby spin? Put it in a blender and turn it on.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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