A plane carrying an Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman is destined to crash unless some weight is lost. First they drop the spare engine, but there is still too much weight. Then they drop the luggage, but still there is too much weight. All three men then jump out. The plane crashes anyway.

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There is no "i" in "team," but there are two in "indigo."

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On a plane directed to Buffalo there are: an italian, a french and a greek. They all go there for tourism

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A duck walks up to a lemonade stand, as asks the man running the stand, "Hey, got any grapes?" The man suffers a heart attack from the shock of a talking duck

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Joe is a negotiator. When joe sees someone in trouble, he tries to help them out of it by talking. Joe failed to talk to Osama bin laden correctly. Joe is no longer living in this world. Joe drank his sorrows away and died from the alcohol in his body. Osama is completely unrelated to this, his family died in a car crash.

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A nun with shoes on walks into a bar with her husband.

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Why did the black guy punch the Mexican guy? Because they were in a fight.

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What's the difference between a monkey wrench and a snow cone? A lot.

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Q: Why did the plane crash? A: Because the pilot was a loaf of bread

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I love you! Haikus are easy But sometimes they don't make sense Squirrels are rabbid Yes mi this is a haiku!!!! I know ur reading this so grape grape grape

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. What do flowers have to do with this joke I want to tell you?

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How do you stop a bus? Press the brakes

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Two farmers are standing in a field. One says: "It's a bit cold today, don't you think?" The other doesn't reply, because he is trying to work out how to tell the first farmer that his son has just been killed in a road accident.

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How do you kill a blonde? The blonde you were planning on killing, Sarah, arrives home from a rather tiring run. She lets her hair down from her ponytail, and even though she is a little sweaty At the moment, you realize what a beautiful woman she really is. You decide to ask her to marry You, and after she says yes, you two make passionate love in the front seat Of your 2011 Cadillac Escalade.

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A black guy is lying on the floor dead with a knife next to him, what killed him? Multiple bullets sprayed from an uzi being held by a rival gang member....

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What did the old man say to the young man? Nothing, the old man was dead.

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Q. What's silver and cries? A. Someone who's been stabbed while wearing a suit of armour.

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Why shouldn't you drink and drive? You might spill your beer

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Your mom.

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Why did the police officer arrest the baseball player? He raped and murdered a thirteen year old girl.

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A bloke runs into the bank, says to the girl "Stick 'em up!" She says "Righty-o, matey" and sellotapes his bollocks to the ceiling.

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Why did the Mexican man grow a mustache? It wasn't his choice. Men naturally grow facial hair and he ran out of razors.

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A knock knock B who's there A nobody

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Dad, why do people say mom is a nympho? No idea son, try asking one of your other dads.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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