Why shouldn't I go out today? Well I haven't done any work today. Actually no. It's not that. I'd have to ask my guardian Sally to bring out the wheelchair, and well, I'm afraid of her. She beats me. My hobbies are playing football, watching Loose Women and looking at pictures of Gary Barlow on Google Images.

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Am I a cat? No, I am a human; cat's cannot type.

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Q: what happened to the man who dropped the soap? A: nothing, he casually bent over and picked it up.

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What do you call a really small grape? A grape.

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how did the kenyan get away from the cop He didnt he got arrested

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Why did Sally fall off the swing set? Because she had no arms or legs. Knock knock. Whose there? Not Sally.

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How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? Trick question; feminists can't change anything.

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I grew up, if we cannot live for ourselves, we cannot live for others, remember how people admired us when in their presence, while mocking us behind our backs, most humans do nor respect those that do not rule with lies, false promises, all backed up by an army no amount of civilians can defeat. We lost because people got what they wanted, preferring false promises from all ranging from their Gods, to their politicians speaking about their Gods, promises of betterment as a result of war in the name of Gods, but we are not that people. The problem is, that I used to believe that all of humanity possessed the potential people you and I have, and realize now that when I began looking down at people, I began looking down at myself, considering us all equal to them. Red, we might be few, but we are worth far more than those we consider our equals, maybe it is time even we, sought to rule those that desire to be ruled, rather than to help them find their desired path, because their desired path, might always have been to be ruled.

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What's worse then finding a finger in your Chili? Getting Mollested by a Pterodactyl.

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A Mexican and an Irishman walk into a bar. They have a couple drinks. Then they leave because it turns out that wasn't the bar they were meeting the Jew at.

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How do you make a mimer to speak? Shot him in both knees and cut of he's ear

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How is a monkey like a bicycle? They can both climb trees. Except for the bicycle.

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Roses are brown. Violets are brown. Who took a shit in my garden?

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A man throws a penny off of a cliff. He is now one cent poorer

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I was just thinking in something I swear ... I am still Just, wait, i'll be good

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Q: What did the guy say to his girlfriend? A: "I like turtles!" Then he smacks her ass.

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A psychotic man walks into a pharmacy He buys his weekly medication to control his condition.

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Guess what? You guessed it.

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what do jews like the most? money, because they're all greedy fat nosed cunts

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What did the African want for breakfast? Ebola cereal

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A white man got injected by Heroin at a party and got instantly addicted.

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I stepped into the bathroom and began to take a shower. Then, I panicked. I was so thirsty, and I did not take the advantage to drink some water before I stepped into the bathroom. But then I realized: "Wow, I am so silly. I am standing under the shower, so I could easily just expedite my washing and drying, exit the bathroom, get dressed, and grab something to drink from the kitchen!" Then I showered quickly and got something to drink.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? Little old lady. Little old lady who? Little old lady who got hit by a bus.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because Henry threw it well.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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