An apple a day keeps the doctor away. What about the vampires?

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what did micheal jackson give to a young boy? -nothing micheal jackson is dead

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Why do Jew's have long noses? To dig out of the ashes.

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A priest, a rabbi and a mullah walk into a bar. The bartender looks at the three, laughs and says "Please leave now, God is dead"

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What do you call seven pine trees and a roll of toilet paper? Mongoloid.

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When did Rick Santorum realize he was gay? When we woke up with a bloody condom in his ass.

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there are 2 sausages in a pan. one sausage says "wow it's hot in here" and the other sausage says "MY GOD A TALKING SAUSAGE!!!!"

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Whats sad about a black man killing himself? That shaft DVD that he rented will probably be late now.

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Why did the girl fall off the swing? Because she had no arms

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What's the first thing that goes through a persons mind when they get shot in the head. The bullet.

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What was the tallest mountain before Mount Everest was discovered? Mount Everest

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If your fighting an octopus on mars how many lamps does it take to repair a dog house? Nine because a toaster cannot ride a bicycle.

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what do you give a little girl with no legs and no arms for christmas...................cancer

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what's worse than a pile of dead babies? a pile of dead babies with a live one at the bottom eating its way out.

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You know what rhymes with sloth? Rape.

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Why did the vegetarian only work one day? Because her co-workers are cannibals.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Earlier that morning the farmers daughter had inadvertently left the gate to the yard open as she was preoccupied by her worry over a maths test set for that day. She hadn't studied for the test as she was still deeply distressed over her fathers recent heart attack. This, coupled with the added burden of household chores now delegated to her because her mother was out trying to get the west field prepared for sowing, had made her quite forgetful and distracted of late. Whilst several chickens escaped, only one strayed so far that it actually encountered the road facing the farm. After crossing the road and gorging itself in a soybean crop, the chicken was struck by a furniture removers van as it attempted to make its way home. Several hours later the dead chicken was spotted by a Community Mental Health Worker who was doing his bi-weekly rural clinic run. The chicken, being a bantam caught the eye of the Mental Health worker, who was a keen trout fisherman. "Cool" thought the mental health worker- "those feathers will make for excellent trout flies". He stopped and plucked a handful of the most iridescent blue, green and orange feathers and placed them in an envelope. He rolled himself a cigarette, sat on the trunk of his car and admired the clouds. "God, I love this job", he muttered to no one in particular.

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What do you call 100 Americans at the bottom of the ocean? A US submarine crew.

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A mouse sniffed a peice of cheese. It was on a mouse trap and then it died in the trap.

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A funny joke: Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really pissed. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!" The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale. Bob has been missing since Friday.

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What's black and white and red all over? A referee eating a red Popsicle on a hot summers day.

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What do a carrot and a kangaroo have in common? Nothing...

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What did the man with Alzheimer's get for Christmas? Happy New Year!

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why did the monkey fall out of the tree? cause it was dead...

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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