Roses are brown, violets are brown, someone keeps shitting in my garden

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Do Minnesotans have accents? Oh ya, you betchya.

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What's worse than finding half a worm in your apple? dead parents.

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How many dead babies can you fit inside Casey Anthony's trunk? Trick question. She didn't do it.

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A black man named Lawrence was driving a car that wasn't his at 3 a.m. The car belonged to a drunk friend who asked Lawrence to be the designated driver.

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I scream. You scream. We all scream and huddle in a corner of our first grade classroom because of a masked gunman.

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So a pirate walks into a bar. He sits down, and orders a drink. After giving the pirate a drink, the bartender looks down and notices that there is a steering wheel on the pirate's penis. "Sir, are you aware that there is a steering wheel on your penis?" The bartender asked. "Arrrrrrr, it's driving me crazy!" The pirate replied. "Well you should probably get that checked out soon," said the bartender, "It looks very uncomfortable and could be dangerous to your health...not to mention your penis is out in the open." "Yes, you are probably right," the pirate agreed. He proceeded to get a ride from a friend to the nearest hospital, for drinking and driving can be dangerous, and steering wheels on penises are not safe.

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What did the man say when he saw a alien? "Look its a Alien"

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-Knock, knock! -Who is it? -Me

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- Mom, you have a banana in you ear. - What?

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Ask me if I'm a tree. Are you a tree? No. Ask me if I'm a bush. Are you a bush? No.

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What did the blind kid that couldn't talk get for Christmas Cancer

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What did the Black man say when he just got home from work? "Hi honey, I just got home from work."

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I got pissed off at my little brother... So I threw him out of the window.

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How long does it take to microwave a baby? I don't know, I was to busy masterbating. GBW

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Why was Helen Keller a bad driver? Because it is very difficult for someone with a vision impairment to operate a vehicle.

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What's worse than getting stabbed Getting stabbed two times

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What is worse then losing your remote? Falling off a cliff landing on a sharp rock and dying slowly.

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Excuse me, I have a shitload of stuff to do, so you are Eliza huh? I thought that was just one person conveying something to someone. Anyway, what is your name? My name is actually Nero, but you do not strike me as an Eliza, first name is more than enough. You know, if you dare, Ill be back shortly, I was gonna shower but then again, I haven't moved at all today, so yeah. Saved you? I have never saved anyone well, excuse me then, see you around, worry less about people bothering with us chatting, hell they might risk learning something (not a chance, people here are fucking jackasses, with one exception, and I do not mean me this time).

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What do you call a black man on your front porch? -Racism is a serious and non humorous problem.

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What do you call a man with no friends? Terry

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What's Green and has Wheels? Ian Leighton... I LIED ABOUT THE GREEN

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Q. What's funnier than an anti-joke? A. Thousands of anti-jokes, compiled on a worldwide network.

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a 12 year old walks into a bar she orders a drink and dies she then walks out of the bar

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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