whats the difference between ian bothom and david gower? shredded wheat.

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roses are red, violets are blue, if you want to success, stop being a mess..

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Three black guys walked into a bar. They all behaved very nicely, payed their bills and left when they where done.

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What do you call black people working in a field? Farmers.

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What happened when the teacher told the class to be quite? The class was quite.

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Why did Landry hit the man with a metal pipe? Because he was a rapist and wanted to remove his virgin status.

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What's black and white and read all over? Michael Jackson bleeding, I spelled " red" wrong

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“Ok, time for bed” … is what I said to the empty living-room. It was getting late, and the internet no longer amused me. I picked up my cell phone, rooted through the couch cushions until I located the remote, and turned off the television that had been nothing but background noise for the last few hours. I made sure the front and back doors were securely locked, walked around the back of the couch, and turned off the only light. A tap on the screen of my phone created just enough light to keep from busting a toe on an errant table leg. Because my cats have an evil tendency to lie in the middle of the hallway, I aimed the small amount of light from my phone directly in front of my tired and shuffling feet. I’d only covered a small distance before I knew, from many nights of this same regimen, that I was getting close to the bedroom door. At this point my arm started the slow upward arc that would eventually illuminate the now pitch-black opening to the comfort of my room. The light emanating from my cell was quite dim, and this action had become quite rote, so my arc was about waist level before I noticed a slight variation of the familiar black of the open doorway. At that point, and in a disturbingly short amount of time, five things happened nearly simultaneously: My arm, the arm carrying the phone, continued to rise in its predetermined arc, having been an object in motion which would stay in motion. I released a small gasp and exclaimed to my husband that his sudden appearance in the dark had startled the breath from me. I remembered that my husband was at work. The light arc reached its apex on a face of protruding nail-like teeth. A face suspiciously bereft of eyes, with a gaping, oozing, bloody pit where a nose should have been. The light went out.

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Wanna here a good joke? Sure, but you spelled hear wrong.

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"Knock knock" "Who's there?" "Steve" "Oh hey Steve, come on in"

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Why did the chicken cross the road? The parking lot was across the street from KFC.

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What do Tom Cruise and Santa Claus have in common? They are both are fat and have beards, except for Tom Cruise.

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What did one duck say to the other? "Quack!"

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Nock Nock Whose there? Your mom. Stop locking your door.

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What happened after the man walked off the cliff? Nothing. It was a foot tall.

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If life gives you lemons, squeeze it in life' s eyes.

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What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a pile of dead babies? I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.

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In Soviet Russia, life was very hard due to the failing economy and oppressive government.

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Jews

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Why did the boy cross the road? He was visiting his dying grandmother at the hospital.

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Joe goes to the bathroom with someone in the next stall named Bill Bill: "Hi" Joe: "Hi" Bill: "How you doing" Joe: "Good" Bill: "You traveling" Joe: "Yes to Alabama" Bill: "Yeah, I got to go a guy in the next stall answering all my questions bye"

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What do you call a black man flying a plane? The pilot. You racist.

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What's the difference between a Ferrari and a pile of dead babies? I don't have a Ferrari in my garage.

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Bitch please, you're adopted as well.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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