What does does an elephant and a grape have in common? They are both grapes except for the elephant.

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Why didn't the man kiss his wife. Because he had no lips.

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Whats green and has wheels? Grass, I lied about the wheels.

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You know what they say about big feet... Wow, those are some big feet.

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Knock Knock! Who's there? John Simons. This joke lacks a punchline. Yes, yes it does.

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Why was the little girl blowing bubbles in the swimming pool? Because she was drowning

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my gramma died

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What's the same between a school bus and a grape? They're both purple. Except for the bus.

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whats the difference between a can and a fish?they can both swim. exept for the can.

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Q: Why did the baby stop crying? A: Because it was satisfied.

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If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? -Allergies.

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What's the difference between a kleenex and a man? One absorbs your tears while the other makes you cry.

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Why couldn't the hobo buy any clothes? They did not have his size available.

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what did the girls scream when they were being stalked? skydragon

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whats funnier than the boy with no arms and legs getting cancer? lebron playing basketball

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Why didn't the black man eat lunch? Because his lunch asked him not to eat it.

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What do Jews and gays have in common? They both would have been killed during the Holocaust.

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Why did my penis cross the road? To get to the other vagina.

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Jamie Oliver eats a chip

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A penguin is driving through the desert when his car breaks down. He has it towed to a service station in the nearest town to be repaired. The mechanic tells him that it may be a while so he might want to take a stroll around town, find something to do for a while and check back a little later for an update. The penguin decides that as it is so hot in the desert town, and he is accustomed to a much cooler climate, he might enjoy a bit of ice cream. He walks to the local ice cream parlor, orders a large vanilla cone, and proceeds to devour the treat in a flash, covering himself in ice cream in the process. He has ice cream on his flippers, his face, and all down his stomach; he is virtually covered in the white, sticky goo. Upon returning to the service station to check in on the mechanic and his car, the mechanic say to him, "Well, it looks like the seal on your head gasket leaked, the transmission is shot, and you appear to be covered in ice cream." To which the penguin replies, "Yes, I have made quite the mess of myself. Today just isn't my day."

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Hitler is my role model

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how many babies does it take to paint a barn? depends on how hard you can throw them

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A girlfriend scolds her boyfriend for "sitting on anti-joke all day." He then explains how it is impossible to sit on something that exists purely in digital form and instead noted it would be more correct to say sitting at a desk all day. She complied and saw the error of her ways.

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Where was the Decoration Of Independence Signed? At the bottom.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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