How can you shed 10 pounds in one day? Get your legs amputed.

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Do not be unreasonable now, as for the twenty five million dollars, it is the least I can do, but if we cannot agree upon acting with some reason and dignity, as refraining from insults, then no conflict will ever be solved... ...I will send you my contact information shortly, expect the money within the week, three or four days tops.

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Why did the baby cross the road? Because it was stapled to a chicken

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead.

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What's big, blue, and eats rocks? A big blue rock eater.

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what did helen keller say when she dropped a box on her toe. nothing. helen keller cannot speak

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What's pink and fluffy? Pink fluff, Whats not pink and fluffy? Sexual assault.

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What's up? The sky.

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Don't tell anyone, the Health Department is already on our backs.

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When life gives you lemons you leave the earth in search of what strange lifeform sent you them.

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A father and his son get into an accident and are whisked away to the hospital. The father dies, and the son is brought into surgery. The doctor is rushed in, but looks at the boy and says "I can operate on this boy, his my son." How is this possible? The boy's father was a zombie.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I am a cow moo

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How many Jews can you fit in an ashtray? None, it would be ridiculous to even try to fit one in an ashtray.

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What do tomatoes, apples, oranges, lemons, and peaches have in common? They are all fruits.

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What do you get when John pulls your toe off the waterfall and takes three from an caramel? -6 to the power of golf.

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Why did Eve eat the fruit first? Because women are whores.

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What if algebra teachers were actually pirates, and they're making us find the X so they can search for buried treasure?

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Q: why does batman die in the end of dark night rises? A: he smoked got cancer and died.

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How many frogs does it take to change a light bulb None. Frogs lack the cranial capacity to change said lightbulb. If eventually by evolution they become smart enough to change lightbulbs, they may learn to handle machinery and pose a real threat to humans.

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Why didn't the chicken cross the road? The chicken was locked in a cage and the nearest intersection is about a mile away.

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The camp counselor woke me up, and said that it was going to be a long week. I didn't worry though, since all weeks are 7 days long.

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Tyrone is innocent! I can't wait until Kirsty gets hers!

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Roses are cars, violets are rude, this poem makes no sense, neither do you

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Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball? Because he would scare the shit out of everyone, and come to think of it wasn't even sure he had been invited.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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