And the girl said: "I'll be ready in 2 hours!"

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Ben Affleck

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How did Doris respond to Uncle Monty's innapropriate chewing of her nose, ears and eyelids? She cut his head off, placed it an a saucepan, boiled and seasoned it, and then sold it to the middle east. The middle east were very grateful, and sent Doris a camel's penis as a thankyou gift.

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A dyslexic man walked into a bra

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Why was girl happy on the day she found out she wasn't pregnant? -It was her birthday.

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A bear and a rabbit both take a dump in the woods below an old oak tree. They look at each other, smile and nod their heads in acknowledgment of one another. The bear is first to let go of his rather large load and a loud THUMP is heard throughout the woods. Shortly after another and then another. The rabbit looks at the bear for a moment then turns closes his eyes and begins to strain. Finally the sound of what can only be described as a machine gun rattles through the wood. Looking impressed the bear looks over at the rabbit as it pops off its last few pellets. When the rabbit is finished the bear asks "Do you have a problem with the shit sticking to your fur?" The rabbit thinks for a moment then looks at the bear and says "Umm... No, not really." So the bear uses the rabbit to wipe his arse.

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Wuts brown and smelly? Brown smelly stuff.

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whats black and white and red all over? a zebra crossing after a horrible, horrible car accident

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what did the chicken say to the vet? nothing chickens dont talk

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A black man walks into a store and buys a gun based upon the increasing crime rate in his area.

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Why are women always wrong? Well, depending on the factors of IQ of said women, location and date, said time period of always can be deemed in every circumstance as incorrect to say the least, and derogatory. These days said derogatory actions are punishable by law.

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Roses are grey, violets are grey, the sky is grey so is the grass everything is grey, as i am colourblind

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why can't helen keller drive? Because she is deaf and blind.

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What do you get when you cross a horse and a pony? A mule

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What did one muffin say to the other in the oven? Nothing. They're muffins.

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What do you call a successful black man who has it all? A hip hop artist.

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What do you do when you see your wife outside the kitchen? Tell her to enjoy the rest of her day, and you look forward to spending time with her when you both get home from your jobs.

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Why did the black man leave the bar? Someone shot his girlfriend.

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You- I came up with a new word! Friend- What is it? You- Plagiarism.

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Why did jimmy cross the road? Because that was the direction the cannon was pointing.

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It was the eve of December and a man was using a blanket why? because it was cold and he wanted to be able to function properly at work so his boss would not get mad at him because he respected his boss and wanted to make him happy

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A Penguin walk into a bar and asks "Have you seen my brother?" And the bartender replies "What does he look like?"

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Why did the kid poop his pants? He was a baby

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What did one sausage say to the other? Nothing. Sausages don't talk...

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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