A man walks into a bar and says, "Hey, Jim, your wife just died from terminal cancer." Jim then says, "Cool. Hey, do you know if the games on tonight?"

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What do you say to a disabled man in a lift? Have a nice day.

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Why do people who walk into bars never have names?

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yo mama's so fat, her medical weight chart is much steeper than those of most women her age

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What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Stolen property that you should return immediately because the consequences of shop-lifting can prevent you from getting a good job and might land you in prison.

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what do a dog and tree have in common? nobody cares when they die

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Why do you put a baby in the blender but first? To see the facial expressions

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What do you call a discounted watercraft? It is traditional to give it a female name.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was suicidal.

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A man walks into a bar. He then says "ow".

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Knock knock! Who's there? Hitler, time to shower!

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EVERYONE TEXT 513-646-2835 AND ASK HIM WHY HE HAS GOOP IN HIS PANTS. his names travis

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how do you fall off a building? you trip.

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Why couldn't the boy hide his penis? Circumcision.

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A man walks into a bar, looks to the right and sees a man one foot tall playing the piano, he sits at the bar and says to the bar tender,"I'm feeling kind of down" the bar tender gives him a bottle of very strong alcohol and later that night he goes home and hangs himself.

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While I was walking home from school one day, James Brown jumped out of a bush and punched me in the face. Then, when I got home, there was a walrus sitting on my couch. He then turned to look at me and said, "Penis". I then immediately farted out blades of grass.

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I see said the blind man to his def wife as the dog with no legs ran over

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What's the best part about having sex with twenty eight year olds? They've reached sexual peak but aren't yet past it. Plus, they still aren't in their 30's.

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Next time someone says "I have mad money"... Say "whys it mad"

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A boy eats 3 pounds of candy, 2 whole pizzas, and drinks 10 beers. Why did he puke? Someone came out of nowhere, and kicked him in the nuts

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When will Abe Vigoda be alive again? Never. There will never again be a time when Abe Vigoda will be alive. For example, Abe Vigoda will be dead for the entirety of the year 2038. He will continue to be dead if we move forward to the year 2091, and even if we keep jumping forward throughout history, stopping in the years 2250, 2871, and 3546, we will not land in an era when Abe Vigoda will be alive. Another way to look at this is to imagine Abe Vigoda had died in earlier years. Let's say he had died in 1902. Would he be alive today? The answer, sadly, is no. We get the same answer if we suppose Abe Vigoda had died in 1822, 1715, or ~ 85,200,000 BPE. To sum up, it is not precisely accurate to say that Abe Vigoda will be dead for a very long time. That implies a limit on the amount of time he will be dead. There is no limit.

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why did the chicken cross the road? because it felt like it!

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Why didn't the boy get what he wanted for christmas? His parents had killed him.

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What did Helen Keller name her dog? ghuieruioytidhfdvbshdkhfjh

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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