I walked into a bar the other day and ordered a double. The bartender brought out a guy who looked just like me.

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A man walks into a bar. Because he's had a rough day, he asks the barender for a drink. Then another... Then another... (continued) The man walks out of the bar and goes to his car. He starts to drive back to his house. He wobbly makes turns and closes his eyes every 5 seconds or so. He also talks to his boss on his phone for the majority of the ride. Surprisingly enough, he makes it home safely and doesn't harm anyone else despite the large amount he had to drink. He stumbles into his apartment and goes up to his room. He slumps down onto his bed on his back very heavily, causing the room to shake a bit. He opens his eyes, only to find his glass shandelier falling from directly above his face. His body was found by his girlfriend the next morning. I guess there's no real moral to the story then... Maybe it's: You can drink and drive, but don't put a shandelier directly above your bed... I guess? Wow. What are the odds?

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Why'd the Squirrel fall out of the tree? Cause it was dead

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My Japanese girlfriend just broke up with me. It's okay, there's more of them in the sea.

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LET'S PLAY CARDS SHUFFLE THE DECK *person with a deck-patio* no please don't

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what do you order when it's a sunday in nyc during a solar eclipse on a leap year past 12:00 pm? what ever you like

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Did you know there is a whole country occupied with twins? It's called China

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Why was the blonde fired from her job as a nurse? Because she ate all the babies in the nursery (She didn't even leave one for the director of the hospital to eat!)

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what did one tree say to the other spruce up actually nothing because trees can't talk

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A man went skydiving and tragically died.

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If life gives you melons.. You're just plain retarded.

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how do u get a bonar? u look at your mum!!

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I treat women like I treat dead bodies. With respect.

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Why didn't Josh go to school? On his way to school, a majestic flying homeless man hit him in the head with a sea cucumber.

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What's green, has six legs and would kill you if it fell on you out of a tree? A pool table.

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Why did Jesus and his friends get crucified? So they could sing: "Always look at the bright side of life" Moral: Monty Python?

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An Italian leaves the mofia

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What do you call someone that has befriended a fisherman? Fishermans friend Moral: Strongest there is.

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Why was the boy sad? Because his dog was brutally murdered and the man responsible painted his bedroom walls in the dogs blood.

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What did the Japanese kid get for his birthday? Nothing, his gifts were washed away.

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Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new house? No? Neither has Stevie Wonder

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A man walks into a bar. It was a salad bar, so he left.

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Knock Knock!! Who's There? No one, your being ding dong ditched!

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What's purple and smells like crap? Crap. I lied about the purple

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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