How do you learn how to drive? You get in the driver seat

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I wish there were a city named Sample. So that the sign can say "Urine Sample"

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Q. How many alzhimers patients dose it take to screw in a light bulb? A. To get to the other side

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A talent agency is giving auditions and is just about to rap it up when a family shows up. They reluctantly agree to their "brief" audition given that they had found no suitable talent that day. The routine starts with the father starting 6 chainsaws at once while simultaneously starting a juggling/lumberjacking routine. His beautiful wife proceeds to toss him additional chainsaws (as he continually throws them for dramatic effect) while also maintaining a hypnotizing dance which seems to drain your desire to leave from your very soul. The children take turns jumping in between the chainsaws while doing a silent replay of the movie, "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon." After it plays out the father tosses the final chainsaw up in the air which lands standing straight, quivering in the dust of the studio. The studio manager says, "Why that's an AMAZING act!! I'll sign you right now! What do you call your act?" In response to which, the father shits on his desk.

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What did the coach do to the player Coached the player

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What is worse than getting raped? Getting raped twice.

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What do you call a boy with no arms? Names.

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What sucks?

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Why did the man have a curiously-shaped scar on his cheek? He had been mauled by an owl as a child.

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There was a two car pile up at wal-mart. 50 mexicans were killed.

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What did the midget say to the leprechaun? Nothing.....midgets don't usually converse with leprechauns....and leprechauns aren't real.

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What's worse than losing your job? Getting thrown into the sun.

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Q: Why is Abu Soooo Dank? A: Because he scores too many left-foot bangers

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A young boy recently saved a priests life. He found a solid lump on his testicle.

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Q. Why did the Muslim go to hell? A. Because his name was Osama Bin laden.

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What is black, white, and red all over? A zebra that was shot by poachers.

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Did you hear about the Polish submarine? It was one of five in the Polish Navy.

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I took a vampire out for dinner last night. I expected her to cringe when I ordered a rare steak, but we decided not to let my tastes impact on the evening, sharing wine and many stories before heading back to my apartment.

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That day where Captain America becomes too weak and frail to hold his own shield.

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Why didn't Wendy want to sit down? Because her dad put a hand full of needles in her anus. - D

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How does a spider write its diary entries every night? With a pen.

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"Knock knock" "Who's there?" "GESTAPO! AUFMACHEN!!!"

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professor x walks over to wolverine with good news, he falls and dies of a severe concussion

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knock knock who's there who who who who who what are you a retarded owl

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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