In Soviet Russia, you drive the car, fill it up with gas, and park it. Just like in America.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

What did the giraffe say to the other? nothing giraffes cant talk

thumb_up thumb_down -1

three lesbians on a plane they were all responsible and had sex when they got home and not on the plane

thumb_up thumb_down -15

There is a young boy called Clive, and his dad asks him what he wants for his birthday: "I would like one yellow golf ball please dad" he said. Of course, his father was quite surprised by his son's request, but nevertheless, he got him a yellow golf ball for his birthday. A few years later, clive does amazingly well at school and gets all As in his final exams. Filled with pride and love for his son, his father says to him: "I can't begin to tell you how proud i am of you, Clive. In fact, you can have a preasant! What do you want?" Clive thinks for a moment. "i would like one hundred yellow golf balls please!" His father was a bit annoyed at his strange request, but neverrtheless, gave Clive his yellow golf balls. A few years later, Clive wins the gold medal at the olymics for the 100m sprint. His father is very proud: "Son, i am so happy about the way you've turned out. You make me so proud. Is there anything you want me to do for you?" "can i have 1000 yellow golf balls please" Now his father got annoyed, he thought Clive was taking the piss. Eventually though, he calmed down and got clove the golf balls. Unfortunatley, Clive gets diagnosed with a deadly disease. His father is heartbroken. And as clive is lying on the hospital bed, his father moves close and speaks to him. "Son" he said, tears welling up in his eyes, "I just want to ask you one thing." "Ok," Clive said, as he too started to get emotional. "Why on earth did you want all those golf balls?" Clive looked deep into his father's eyes, as he took his last breath said: "I wanted them because- ack -splutter- ack" And he died.

thumb_up thumb_down -37

A man walks into a bar and then, after a relatively short period of time, walks out of the bar.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

You heard about that piece of shit that says no all the time? Yes, I bet you haven't though. no.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

why was the asian kid found dead? he failed an examen

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What did the white man say to the muslim? Hi

thumb_up thumb_down +37

What do lazy asses get for Christmas? Fat

thumb_up thumb_down -1

What did the ketchup say to the mustard? Nothing they're just condiments.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

a boy scout wipes his butt with a dollar cause he had no toilet paper then the other boy scout hears him screaming they meet up later and the other boy scout askes why he was scream and the first boy scout says that is hard to wip your butt with 4 quarters.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Roses are red, violets are blue, you have a disease, it's called cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Whats do Hispanics and Blacks have in common? They are both stereo-typically defined and thus the subject of many popular jokes.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Sir, do you know what time it is? Yes, it is 5:15 PM

thumb_up thumb_down -33

why was their a child on the sun? There wasn't he would be incinerated

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Wanna here a funny joke... Trevor michael dyess's social life.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

What would happen if you insulted Chuck Norris' mother? Considering you did it on a messageboard that only unemployed people with no social lives use, nothing.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Why was 6 afraid of seven? because 7 brutally beat and raped 9

thumb_up thumb_down +24

How do you confuse a blonde? Paint yourself green and throw forks at her.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

When someone calls me ugly, I run up and hug them, because I know how tough life is for the visually impaired.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Knock Knock. Who's there? Guitar. Guitar who? Violin.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

What do you call Mary in a wheelchair ... virgin mobile

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Knock Knock Who's there? Hello there. I am Elder Young and I with the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. What would you say if someone were to offer you peace and happiness through all of eternity?

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Wanna hear 2 short jokes and a long joke? Joke, joke , joooooookkkeeee

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops