- Anti Joke

Q. What happened when a mouse ran up the clock and it struck 12? A. It fell off and got raped by an 80 year old Asian lady with breast cancer

What do you call a Icelandic man? A guy who lives in a snowhouse with a elevator

—Conversation started today— My God, why have you forsaken me? Seen 6:00 PM

What do a rabbit and a plum have in common? -They're both purple except the rabbit.

What's worse then the bomb that went off in boston? The second one right after.

What's big, white, and when it falls out of a tree, it can kill you? A refrigerator.

when life randomly gives u lemons, u should probably have a stand cuz people are gonna expect u to make lemonade

what happened to those kids sandusky raped? who cares

What did the black police officer say to the white police officer? We just got a call in. Four dead children were found in an alley behind a mall.

"Safe place" hah! Anyway, I see... Eliza Light Please Veronica... the easiest damn code I ever heard, but strangely I suddenly remember that Nero Septimus left me some information to provide you, I am by the way well... Lets just say that you and I used to date for a while, and if I know you right, there is no way in hell you ever dated somebody else, well that`s a damn shame, I hope you are happily married or something. You see, Nero7 was sick but did not exactly decide to lead the first group at random, our little friend here "Major6" which is still in shock and of no help, was the one tasked with that mission as only he and Nero7 knew where the hidden exits The people of his order could get out from without gaining too much attention from the rest. I myself was delayed but led the second and final strike, got pretty badly wounded myself and while Nero was alive when we found him, we well... How to put this gentle... (never been my forte), had to put him down, as leaving whatever was left of him alive was, well, not only against our desires, I am sorry if I am being too graphic here, but I understand that you need the answers you seek. I know that Neo-Nero does not exactly inspire trust (Nazis etc) but it is there for a reason, anyway, we are tasked to send you "the shadow unit" from which after some days of painfully long code deciphering you should be able to contact us for more information, as per the codes behind the long ass messages I left behind, you dont worry yourself with that if you ever need our assistance. I am also to tell you that while we where trained by Nero7 which told you he was 37 because he thought he was (he was about 31-32 years of age, which means you too are probably a little older if he truly raised you) but despite that we never acted... Well, as we are doing now, not breaking any laws and such, we simply kept in shape and began training others seeing that our age could one day become a hindrance to achieving our objectives. ...Simply put, Nero was never responsible for anything than sacrificing his life in order to get as many people out as possible, the sad part is that many of "his people" where the fucking idiots that alerted the "bad guys" of our presence. Now for the lesser good news (well, I am tired, I might have gotten this the wrong way here). Nero did not break your bio-fathers fingers, in fact Nero was so fucking high on painkillers by then that he made your asshole father type much of the crap, now on the other hand, I am happy to share that your bio-dad as great of a guy as he actually grew into according to Nero, was well, treated pretty much the same way Nero did, except that he was dead by the time we got to him... Lucky bastard died of a shock, now as for Nero, I am sorry to say that he was far more of a both physically and durable son of a bitch than your bio-dad, he refused to give up the codes, as for what he went trough, its far worse than what we imagined possible, and what we could imagine by then, was pretty savage already, understand that while I personally shot Nero it was an act of mercy, lets just say that if he had a tongue by the point we found him, if he still had a tongue or eyes to signal us with, he would have told us to kill him, I personally never knew a man could endure that much shit and survive, and pity him for taking all that. And I to be honest, that makes you and him the only people I have felt pity for ever. He knew he would not make it, so he wrote a long ass letter (more like a novel sized book) before he left, we cant pass it to you until you use our means of communications, you never know whats out there sadly, and well, this piece of shit site... You know... If people found out where you lived, even the former members, they could potentially have kidnapped you for ransom or so I would show them mercy or something. I want you to know that I am not exactly following Nero`s vision to the letter, but truth be told I am pissed, and until that anger is gone, I wont be able to lead anyone nor anything, so yeah, let the people that deserve it, pay the price I say. Btw "The good Major6 is away and believed that we would kill him out of pity if he talked, and leave his family unharmed, thing is that while he still has hours to days of torture worthy material left in him, his family is in no harm nor ever will be, its just part of his "tortural process" to believe that his wife and daughters are being... "molested" we do lots of shit now sadly, but rape is not exactly within our code of "ethics", Sorry if I sound a bit pompous, I am just struggling with the fact that I am pissed, and trying to keep the details clear but light, I just hope you believe me that Nero was a great friend of mine (hell he even introduced me to you, what does that say to you now, hell not a lot I believe, truth is that I am tired, as while some of my "people" are taking a liking to this torture thing, it makes me really sick... Good thing I got them to administer justice for me. For whatever it is worth, I do not think you need more than the usual code and the name you knew me by, I can spare a few minutes before I doze off despite the screams here, (only the good general is left so well, I can be fair, not sure how fair this is anymore though, but I could not give a shit. The name that you know me by is Seth by the way, Seth Lastname Noneofyourbusiness. Lastly (I might be repeating myself, I am not exactly much of a writer, I am quite the speaker though) I just want you to know that we are by "a bridge too far" and that we can send someone (like me) to bring you over here, I insist actually, because while that funny jackass Nero insisted I did not read the "letter" he wrote to you, his very last words are something among the lines off... lets see here... "Seth you fucking douchebag, I knew all along you would read this just in order to find out if I ever F**ked my own stepdaughter, and you should be fucking ashamed if I dont make it back, you know that after that ridiculous game metal gear solid V came out, this whole "metal arm thing became something of a joke, so I dont expect to make it back Ps: Seth, fuck you!" What can I say... I am a douchebag, but hey, at least he knew right? Sub-Nero... Honestly speaking about gaming characters, its just my way of saying I am afraid there is no way I can live up to your old man (Nero), but, neither do I intend to as of yet, I know you quit the original order years ago, but id appreciate it if you stay with us for a while, you know... So you can tell us more regarding your old man`s vision for this world... We are kinda really relying on that for now.

What's red and spins real fast? Not a dead baby in a blender, babies can't fit in there. Unless of course you dismember them. but that's obsurd. . . Kinda

So this farmer had theses two amazingly fast horses, one named slokey and the other pokey. They would run in the pasture and bring many people to watch. So one day this man says hey, you should enter them in the county derby. So he does and the whole race its slokey, pokey slokey, pokey, and slokey wins by a nose. So after the farmer collects his prize money a man walks up and says, hey those horses are pretty fast, you should enter them in the state derby. So he loads his horses up to the capital and prepares them. When the gates open slokey and pokey dash out of the gate. The whole race its slokey, pokey, slokey, pokey, and slokey wins by a nose. After all the press conferences a man says, hey you should enter those horses in the kentucky derby. So the farmer enters them and drives down to kentucky. The gates open and the whole time its slokey, pokey, slokey, pokey, and slokey wins by a nose. After the press meetings a man says hey you should enter your horses in the european derby. The farmer says no, im going to retire my horses. One fall afternoon pokey says to slokey, man, i wish i could have won a single race. So they race around the huge pasture and the whole way its slokey, pokey, slokey pokey, and pokey wins by a nose! All the farm animals go crazy and the farm dog says "congratulations pokey you finally won!" And pokey says "HOLY SHIT A TALKING DOG!"

Why did Jay-Z rob a bank? Wait, nevermind. Jay-Z didn't rob a bank.

Why Did The Boy Fall Off The Swing? Because He Had No Arms.

A man and a cucumber walk into a bar. They sit three seats away from each other and intermediately give nervous looks to one another. Finally the man stands up and declares "I hate bar jokes" and walks out.

why did the chicken cross the road? -----it didnt

a man jumps of a cliff and ..... hits the ground

What's worse than r-a-p-e? Gang r-a-p-e.

Your mother is so poor that she has to rely on government sent cheques to sustain a basic lifestyle.

Doctor, doctor, I have a cavity! Go to the dentist.

what did the cheese say to the wall? nothing cheese can't talk.

Why did the leprechaun cross the road? If you still believe in leprechauns, you need to see a doctor.

What kind of cat has no tail? Manx cat

What did the hobo get for Christmas? Nothing

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

Want more? You might be interested in...

Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops