Who has lots of friends, but smells like urinate feceas? Smelly McD, I lied about the friends.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why did the monkey eat the banana? Because it was sexually confused

thumb_up thumb_down -1

What is green, walks on four legs, and is capable of the strongest bite in the world? An alligator.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Where did the eight year old go during the Boston bombing? Everywhere.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

whats the difference between a white jew and a black jew the black jew is treated poorly and is sent to the back of the gas chamber

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Mexican? I dont care if you are Mexican or not really, it makes no difference to me, I know you, I seen you before. But seriously, I consider you a good friend and all, and it seems we both get along, but you know after stuff happens, are we still friends then or is this all just a mating game thing for you? You can be honest with me, I am a realist, and I kinda like the idea of,the day after tomorrow, wont deny that. Its just that I dont want to lose a good friend in the process, and if this is just you trying to score, then well, I guess its still nice knowing this side of you.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests? Probably also quizzical in some sense, but there are several other adjectives that could describe tests as well.

thumb_up thumb_down +646

What do you call a black guy flying a plane. A pilot

thumb_up thumb_down +31

What did one blind person say to the other? Nothing. He is also mute.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Ill do a lot more than just try you, anyways, technically I learned to play the piano as a kid, but now I play on a small cheap keyboard (the musical kind) and sincerely, I kinda suck at it now, my abusive parents expected perfection beat the shit out of me blahblahblah, thats really all of it, trauma. My senses, well, when I was a kid I was terrified of gravity (one of the rarest fears in the world) because I had no idea I was consciously shifting things myself. So lets say... If I somehow end up hanging upside down, I just shift it, so my brain believes I am not and I experience no discomfort, there is a lot more to it, ill tell you, damn nose wont stop bleeding and my waifu got a bit scared, she got some bad bronchitis and she still has not recovered a 100 percent, but its just the cough now though... Lets just say that my ability to balance, is about 300-500 percent higher than any regular human, and that I can stand on one leg enough to beat the guiness record book 50 times... ...IIIIF I was in good shape, which I am not.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What call a black man flying a plane? A pilot you racist.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What's long, hard, and black, and goes into wet things? A submarine.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

A boy walks into a baker, asks for a loaf of bread. The baker enquires "White or brown?" to which the boy replies "It doesn't matter, I've got my bike."

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Q: What's your dog's name ? A: Dog. Q: What's your cat's name ? A: Cat. Q: What's your dick's name A: Pinky

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What's worse than finding out that your dog has worms? Finding out that you have worms.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

poop

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Arrow in the Knee!

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Why cant madeleine mccann play ps3? ive only got an xbox

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Why didnt the man make it to work? Because he was in a fatal car accident.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

How did my grand parents go about surviving the holocaust? Well, for starters, they weren't Jewish, they never lived in Germany, and to be honest, my grandparents probably would have supported the Nazi's because they are right wing pricks

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What did Mulan say to Pocohantas? Nothing as they are nothing but fictional creation of the childish (yet genius); minds of the Disney corporation. Although if they were capable of empathy (which isn't likely) then they would still, say nothing, as they are from two completely different movies.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What is similar between a horse and a zebra? - If you chopped of there heads, they would die.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Roses are red Violets are blue I'm a schizophrenic And so am I

thumb_up thumb_down -22

There were 3 guys named Sean, Ryan, and Eye. They were best friends. However, things escalated when Eye slept with Sean's girlfriend and Ryan found out. Ryan felt he had to tell Sean that Eye slept with Sean's girlfriend. Ryan went up to Sean and said "Dude, Eye slept with your girlfriend!" Then Sean shot Ryan in the head before Ryan realized what he had said. Game Over

thumb_up thumb_down +45

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops