Q. What do you call a man with a shovel in his head? A. An ambulance due to the fact that he has a rather serious head wound.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

What did little John do when he was bored? He went on Anti-Joke

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Why did Doris need a hip replacement Because she fell down the stairs

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why was the boy scared? Well, his mother had recently taken up Satanical ideals and in an attempt to sacrifice themselves to the Dark Lord, she drove her car off a cliff and into a lake. Now, with his dead mother in the drivers seat, no way to call emergency services, and 300 feet of water between him and the surface, you can see why he'd be scared.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

What do you call a guy with a car on his head? Immediate identification would not be possible. The man would be referred to by his estimated demographics. Circumstantial evidence and dental reports may be required for identification at which points the family's would be notified. Only after this will the man's name would be released to the media who would in turn report this.

thumb_up thumb_down

What do you call a black man selling drugs? average

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Why was Little Susie's IQ less than 30? Because, she is mentally retarted.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

How do you make a mime talk? There are many ways. I prefer a baseball bat with a nail through it.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

there were three men in a car, Poop, Shut Up, and Manners. They were driving in a truck when poop fell out of the car. Manners went to get him. Shut Up parked somewhere that he wasn't supposed to so the police man came to him. He asked him what his name was and he said "Shut Up" because that was his name. The police man said "Where are your manners?" then Shut Up said,"He went to go scoop up poop".

thumb_up thumb_down -4

What did the tuna say to the fan I LIKE YOUR STOOL AHAHHAHAHHAHAH

thumb_up thumb_down +8

A blind man cant see this joke, so I probably shouldnt write it..

thumb_up thumb_down -13

When faced with an impossible question. I like to give, and maybe receive, an impossible, yet endearing, request/answer to the problem. Sex?

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Roses are red Violets are blue Most poems rhyme This one doesn't

thumb_up thumb_down +38

What is worse than a case of the flu? Finding a dead camel on the highway with a half eaten lollipop in its mouth.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

How do you get a black guy out of a tree? Get a ladder and help him down

thumb_up thumb_down +13

2 Priests and a Monk walk into a bar, All 3 were stabbed to death in a bar fight.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the gay boys house. Knock knock! whose there? The chicken!!

thumb_up thumb_down -2

-what does burglars afraid of? -cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Two horses were discussing their racing records. The first said, "In my whole life I had won ten races." The second horse says, "Well, I've won twelve of those!" A greyhound trotting by chimes in, "Not bragging guys, but in my career, I've won twenty!" "Unbelievable!" exclaimed both horses. "It's a talking dog!"

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What did the man do when he went to the toilet went toilet

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Why did the dog smile? It didn't. Humans are the only creatures on planet Earth capable of smiling, therefore, dogs are unable to smile.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Knock knock Who's there? Police Police who? You're under arrest, open up or we'll knock your door down.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

what did katness save her Life? because peter hates her and katness is peaches and peter dies in the titanic because it is gay shut up becky

thumb_up thumb_down -29

What is green and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you? A pool table.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops