how do you keep a monkey from stealing your banana? shoot it

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Two guys walk into a bar to get out of the rain and have a drink after a long day of work. The first guy orders a bottle of imported beer sits down and begins to drink. After waiting his turn the second guy also orders a bottle of imported beer but because he is Polish he does it incorrectly and awkwardly

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what did the church group do at their picnic? drink the kool aid

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Adam: knock knock!! Eve: who's there? Adam: don't be silly, just open the f*cking door!!

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Knock, knock. Whose there? Me. Leave.

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What is the difference between your mother and a hooker? Gonorrhea and her father's approval.

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Why did Sarah fall off the swing? She had no arms or legs. Knock Knock. Who's there? Not Sarah.

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How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? The answer is not definitive and involves several factors including the size of the woodchuck, the woodchuck's teeth, the climate in which that woodchuck lives, and the tenacity of that particular woodchuck at achieving his goal.

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Invention I totally meant invention! XD, now okay, you can have the top comment, ill even read it because I like ya a lot.

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Wait what? What if you use the what what? Sorry I am still like super hypnotic trippy, dont worry though, I dont want it to end.

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Past, present, and future walk into a bar. It was tense!

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What did the you know what screw this I'm sick of making these stupid jokes there all the same. Hang on hang on What did the pirate do to the dog yes This style of joking is so different I'm going to be a famous comedian oh wait there's a whole bloody website full of these. O look another one and another one and another one that knife over there looks really nice right now

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What do you call a fly without wings? A walk

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Why is the world round? Because oranges are purple.

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Two Chav's jump off a cliff who wins? Neither, the affects of gravity are equal despite the weight of said object.

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Why couldn't Little Timmy see the pirate movie? Because Little Timmy was blind.

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A man walks into a bar and says "ouch".

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What did the dog say to the tree? Bark.

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A duck walks into a doctor's office. Quack.

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I woke up today

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Why did the boy fall out of the tree? He had a stroke.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To warn people on the other side that the sky was falling Why did the cow cross the road? Cause he had madcow disease Why did Chuck Norris cross the road? Cause he's Chuck Norris Why did the Mexican cross the road? He was on his way to America Why did the black man cross the road? He was just running to his car you racist.....after he had robbed the bank Why did the horse go to the other side of the field? He liked green grass

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Whats white and rubs stuff out ? An albino with a rubber.

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Why did the black guy cross the road? Because he was late for a meeting

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops