- Anti Joke

Roses are smiling, violets are trying to kill me. DId I mention I'm a paranoid schizophrenic?

Did You Hear About That Mexican Who Went To College? no. Well plenty of them go to college every day. thats good to know.

Did you hear about the kidnapping in New York? He woke up.

What's the difference between a baby and an onion? I cry when I chop up an onion.

What happen to the boy who poured water on his head? He got wet.

A 8 year old kid and his dad are having quality time at the park,and relax at a nearby picnic bench after a thrilling game of tag."I love you." says the son. The father about to respond,promptly gets shot by 3 stray military issue assault rifle bullets that came from a heated dispute about a stolen car that got way out of hand. He dies,and the kid ran crying a long distance away. After he gets himself in a dark alley with nobody else around he laughs,and mutters "The plan went perfectly!" He pulls out a detonator and presses it. The White House,Washington Monument,and several nuclear power plants across the continental United States blow up,killing millions of people.The child,also in possession of nuclear bombs, holds the entire world hostage and becomes ruler of the entire planet Earth. Fin.

i joined the nazis... but 2 days later i found out i am a jew

They say that there's more than one way to skin a cat...so far iv only found the one.

Q: why did the boy walk into the woods alone? A: nobody knows he hasn't come out yet

What do you call Justin Bieber having sex with a woman? Two people of the opposite gender having sex.

guess what what? nothing.

Paul Dylan King!

This is sparta No this is patrick

Why didn't the boy go to the bathroom? His mother was taking a well deserved bath.

butt sex

What's black and has the texture of tar? Molasses

Parents: What do you want for your birthday? Boy: A yellow ping pong ball. 7th birthday P: What would you like for your birthday son? B: A yellow ping pong ball 13th birthday P: What would you like for you birthday son? B:A yellow ping pong ball. P:Hmm, fine. 17th birthday P: What would you like for your birthday son? B: A yellow ping pong ball. P: That's is I'm getting you a car! Day before 18th the boy drives into a bridge. He lies in his hospital bed and his parents are there. P: What would you like for you birthday tomorrow? B: A yellow ping pong ball. P: Fine. Why do you want these ping pong balls anyway? B: Because. And then he died.

Why did the chicken cross the road? The cognitive capacity of the chicken is significantly underdeveloped in comparison to humans; thus, comprehending a chicken's motives is impossible. Furthermore, interspecies communication is largely understudied - a mysterious division of science that may never be fully revealed. Therefore, one could safely theorize that no single human could breach this gap in communication differences (assuming chickens do, in fact, communicate) and in turn, could not understand the chicken's reasoning behind its choice to cross the road (excluding the possibility of psychic connections between chickens and humans [see 'Dog Whisperer' for a more clear explanation on interspecial psychic relations]) That being said, the only scientific and logical way one could understand the aforementioned question is through observation. For example, perhaps food was located on the other side of the road. However, this seems to pose a plethora of other questions: Why was the chicken near a road and not in a coop stocked with adequate food? Was this a wild chicken? Are there wild chickens? Do wild chickens often cross roads? Are wild chickens dangerous? If so, why hasn't there been warnings about dangerous, wild chickens crossing roads? The answer to these questions may never be discovered or explained.

What do you can an astronaut with an apple? Never mind, I have a boner.

What's sad about 5 black men falling off a cliff? The master has no slaves.

planned on writing you all an antijoke decided i wouldn't.

Harry Potter: Hey voldemort, you wanna go get our noses pierced?? Voldemort: I killed your parents.

How do you protect yourself from fire? Kill an orphan and nail its bones to your skin.

A guy gets murdered, because of the Reco act the whole gang he belongs to goes to jail as well. They cry in their beds

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

Want more? You might be interested in...

Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops