why does the man appear fat he is

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10% of car thieves are left-handed. 80% of chimpanzees are left-handed. Therefore, if your car is stolen, there's an 8% chance a chimpanzee is responsible.

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How do you get an Irishman out of a bar? You politely ask him to leave.

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Bob- yo mammas soo fat tha.. Joe- I know...

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Q: How are a plum and a rabbit alike? A: They're both purple, except for the rabbit.

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Q:Whats the difference between Jews and Pizza? A: Jewish people are humans, and pizza is a food

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A Hispanic walks into an alleyway and sees two of his rich friends. He desperately needs money and only has enough time to shoot one of them because he sees the police following him. He decides which one to shoot... Wait, if he has enough time to think about this shouldn't he just shoot both of them?

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When's the best time to go to the dentist? When you have an appointment.

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What did the kid with turrets say? Many swear words but he can not be blamed for this because he has a disease that make him unable to control many of the things he says.

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What do you call an asian pilot? A pilot you racist bastard

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When does 1+1=3? When the condom fails.

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Whats worse than having cancer? Nothing....

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knock knock who's there? bell bell who? bellend

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What do you call putting a vehicle on the side of the road? Parking.

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Every time a bell rings an angel gets it's wings. What they don't tell you is every time a mouse trap snaps an angel gets set on fire.

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What do you do i a stranger offers you candy? Make sure its not stale then jump in his van.

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a

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How many Jews can you fit inside a car? Legally somewhere between 2 and 9 depending on seat belt availability and passenger space.

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how do you make a plumber cry? pull up his pants....

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What's meaner than taking a candy from a baby? Tossing the baby of a cliff

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why is your mother dead? because i killed him.

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A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer walk into a bar. They order some drinks, sit quietly and stare at their shoes until they've finished their drinks, then go back home and wallow in loneliness, wishing their social skills weren't so abysmal.

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A man walks into a crowded bar and orders a beer. The bartender doesn't hear him due to the background noise of everyone talking and the man has to repeat his order.

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Ily bae

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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