What's red and has a mask ? Blood, I lied about the mask.

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Why couldn't the tractor start? The farmer lost the keys.

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Yo mama is so fat that she has to buy plus size clothes because small size clothes would be inappropriate for her to wear.

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In Soviet Russia, Joseph Stalin killed a lot of people and there was nothing funny about it.

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I walked into my sister's room and slipped on a bra..........it was a boobie trap

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i am and me is i

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Hillary Clinton and 2 male aides were on a plane on a Friday evening which us not unusual for a secretary of state.

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Why did the fat man fall off the balcony? He didn't, I pushed him.

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A penguin is driving through the desert when his car breaks down. He has it towed to a service station in the nearest town to be repaired. The mechanic tells him that it may be a while so he might want to take a stroll around town, find something to do for a while and check back a little later for an update. The penguin decides that as it is so hot in the desert town, and he is accustomed to a much cooler climate, he might enjoy a bit of ice cream. He walks to the local ice cream parlor, orders a large vanilla cone, and proceeds to devour the treat in a flash, covering himself in ice cream in the process. He has ice cream on his flippers, his face, and all down his stomach; he is virtually covered in the white, sticky goo. Upon returning to the service station to check in on the mechanic and his car, the mechanic say to him, "Well, it looks like the seal on your head gasket leaked, the transmission is shot, and you appear to be covered in ice cream." To which the penguin replies, "Yes, I have made quite the mess of myself. Today just isn't my day."

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BIble verses: (secret bible code breaker edition) 90.01: Might thy level of power rise above the scouter of Vegebles 3.14: Thy shall make use of pee 6:9 Oral interaction is good for thee. 9:6: Peter said, lordeth this is no good, then the lordet said, try 6:9 and all was good. 6.66 Calleth upon this number on thy cell to speak with the beast. 9:11 This number shall aid you when in danger if thy have a cell, but not against the fallen by and Al Caida. 8:00 Call upon thy cellphone at no cost. 5.99 Thy use of plays of station three, areth too expensive... Whoops! Amen and RIIIIIIIIIIDGE RACER! 50:50 Thy shall share equally. 6:19: Thy shall use thy wrestling moves well. 20:00 Thy shall noth uset this windows version as it sucketh.' 88:88 Thy shall create four equal snowmen for me. 12.34 Read this and thy shall learn to count til four. 7:77 The number of the luck. X:B0X: It sucketh hard. 3:60 it sucketh far more than the original 9:99 Is the number to defeateth the beast while he is resting upside down 0:13 "and samuel said, but oh lord, I am a teen now!" And the lord agreed and all was good. Ok, I got to decode my bible further, yes indeed!

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Whats brown and sticky? A peice of poo

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Three surfers paddle out into the surf. They had a pretty good time, except one of them got a shit ton of water up his nose.

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Yo momma's so skinny she doesn't have any fat!

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What do you call a dumb blonde with no hair? You don't, since there is no way of knowing that she is blonde.

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Q: If a hen-and-a-half can lay an egg-and-a-half in a day-and-a-half, how long would it take a peg-legged grasshopper to kick the seeds out of a dill pickle? A: He'd give up.

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Knock Knock? Whos there? Ching Ching Who? No...Ching Smith you racist!

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Q - What do you call a hamburger without pickles? A - You call it a hamburger just without the pickles.

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what did the black guy get for christmas? a car because he really wanted one.

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whats worse than unloading a truck of dead babies with pitch forks? Finding one alive

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Where did little Annie go after the explosion? Everywhere.

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How much does a polar bear weigh? About 800 pounds

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Why is six afraid of seven? Because seven killed all of six's family

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How does a black chick tell if she's pregnant? When she pulls the tampon out, all the cotton is already picked.

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A dwarf walks under a bar.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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