A duck walks into a bar and is immediately shot to prevent the spread of bird flu.

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What did the carrot say when it was thrown out of an airplane? Nothing. It's a carrot.

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How many alcoholics does it take to change a light bulb? Look. I just enjoy a few drinks every now and then. I mean, I can quit whenever I want to. That's no reason to start people calling names.. Wait, no. That's not.. Look. How much do you drink every day, huh? Why not ask that? And why do I have to be the one changing your stupid light bulb? If it's sooooo important that the light bulb be changed, do it yourself, you lazy bastard. Don't rely on other people to do your work for you.

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Which disney princess always stays old? Snow White

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Two clarinets were locked in a case for 20 years. They both play well.

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What has wheels and flies? An Airplane

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What did the Big Chimney say to the Little Chimney? Nothing, chimneys are unable to talk.

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What do you call a sheep? something to have sex with.

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What's the difference between a Jew and a piece of coal? The coal doesn't scream when you burn it.

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Whats worse than the holocaust? Finding a worm in your apple.

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Your mamas so poor she cant even afford to support a family

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whats the difference between a baby and a puppy? i care when the puppy dies....

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This is sparta No this is patrick

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Bob: Oh, there was a big surfing competition in Hawaii. Bill: that's really cool. Bob: yeah, there were huge waves up to 53 feet. Bill: Awesome! Bob: Yeah there was a Japanese guy that won. Bill: Wow, that will bring up the spirits of japan. Bob: Yeah, but he got disqualified. Bill: No, how?!?! Bob: he was surfing on his dresser.

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A black man, a white man and a Mexican walk into a bar. They have a beer, enjoy some pleasant conversation, then go home to their families.

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How do u save someone from dieing of cancer? U shoot them in the head

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Some poems rhyme, This one doesn't.

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like if u think princess kenny id the fairest maiden in all the land. if u havent played or watched pewdiepie play south park the stick of truth, disregard this message.

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HELP!!! I locked myself in my bathroom and can't get out! my laptop is running out of batteries!

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What do you call a guy with no arms and legs buried 6 feet under the ground? Doug What do you call a guy with no arms and legs buried 3 feet under the ground? Douglas

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BTW ANders she is gone, read below, seriously! And your mother is ugly, but she is so kind to me, so ill be nice to her too... Seducing a LONE WIDOW ME 32 years she... 180 and always blushing around me? Thats gonna be hard... No seriously, I kissed her on the cheek the other day, she moaned... And she aint that old... looks like a old 40 year old. ANDERS! AAAANDEERS! CHATTERTON!!! Anyway, tell your mom, that way Ill just need to enter, kill you, and you know... make her feel like she is ... 77 again? Nah she is ahornbag so she must be younger, wont kiss her on those lips though ANDERSSSss because she smokes, the others? Sure, Ill take a pic of her squirting! From the guy that taught you how to make any woman squirt... YOu fucking asshole!

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A man with a ski mask on enters a bank, he just came back from the slopes.

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Why do cats have nine lives? Because they don't have ten.

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Why did Silly Billy throw a clock out the window? Because he has a serious anger problem.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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