Why are elephants big, grey, and wrinkly? Because if they were small, round, and white, they would be called 'asprin'.

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What would Steve Jobs be doing if he were alive today? Dying.

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A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "Devout Semites," the parrot replied.

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Q: How did the robber steal a laptop from best buy? A: With his hands

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Knock knock *silence* Knock knock *silence* KNOCK KNOCK! Hey! Can't you read the sign?! It's says "Do Not Disturb!"

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Roses are red violets are blue your mother is pretty what happened to you.

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A man with a badly injured arm is sitting in a hospital. He says, "Doctor, when my arm heals, will I be able to play the violin?" The doctor says, "Yes, with proper medical attention and rest, you will be able to." The man says, "That's great! Before I was hurt, I really enjoyed playing the violin."

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What did the little boy with a terminal illness get for Christmas? A gun

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What did the german speech therapist say to his mute patient? There a few methods we can use to help you obtain the power of speech.

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A man copied someone else's joke on anti-joke, people looked at it and said "That's funny, but they copied it", then they moved on to the next one.

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How do you make a clown happy then sad? You give him pot then shoot him in the foot

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My girlfriend says i cant finish a sentence properly dripping horse cum fetus rape.

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What's worse than a broke pencil TWO broken pencilz

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What the difference between Adolf Hitler and Michael Phelps? Micheal Phelps can finish a race.

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Why was Sally sad? She was the only survivor of a plane crash that killed her entire family.

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Knock knock Who's there? The police, your mother is dead.

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So a Nazi walks into a bar full of jews, he ordered a drink and mumbled slures to himself.

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If you call a quiz a quizzicle, what do you call a test? A set of questions or problems used as a means of evaluating the abilities, aptitudes, skills, or performance of an individual or group.

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What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Neil Armstrong? Neil Armstrong was the first man to walk on the moon... Michael Jackson has sex with little boys.

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Knock Knock? Who's there? Look in the peephole

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Is it possible to mix an answer to a question with another? No. Aids are perfect for fear training.

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Peas and Corn. Porn., a deer

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Q: What is 2 + 2? A: Beastiality

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WHY did the man refuse to put on his shoes? He didnt want shoes on

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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