When life hands you lemons, Squeeze them in the eyes of children

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A blind man walks into a bar and a table and a lady....

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What is my cats favorite college? Harvard

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Doctor Doctor i have a shoe in my braces. I bet it smells haha.

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Roses are red, violets are blue I've got Alzheimer's cheese on toast

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Q: what do you call a guy with no arms and no legs floating in the ocean? A: A very unfortunate individual.

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What did the serial killer eat for breakfast? You.

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MATH: if for every 1 minute for billy is 5 minutes and every 5 minutes is an hour than billy is on acid and needs to come down.

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What's more funny than a dead baby? A dead baby dressed like a clown.

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Knock, knock Who's there? Landlord; you've been evicted.

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There was an old lady from Ealing Who had a peculiar feeling She lay on her back Opened her crack And pissed all over the ceiling The old lady then lay in her own waste for over two weeks due to neglect by uncaring nursing home staff. Six months later, a hidden camera documentary on underperforming care homes exposed the abuse and neglect and the old lady went to live with her son and his family. In the early hours of May 14th 2011, the whole family were killed in a house fire that gutted the home and saw fires spread to neighbouring houses. Firefighters say the blaze originated in the spare room and was caused by exposed wiring on an electrical blanket. Forensic experts said that the repeated urination on the blanket would likely corrode the wiring due to the acidic content of urine.

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What does a Jew do when he sees a masked man at his door? He grabs a phone to alert the police and hides in his bedroom.

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why didn't Lebron James give me a fourth quarter?...he forgot his wallet at home and didn't have any spare change.

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One day a mexican guy came up with a great anti-joke about jewish guys. Upon sharing it with a canadian buddy of his, he collapsed and died from a cerebral hemorrhage where he was then hit by a bus and mauled to bits by a pack of saber-tooth tigers.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? A man held him at gunpoint and threatened to kill his entire family.

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What's the difference between Mitt Romney and a cheese grader? How the hell should i know?

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What's funnier than a dead baby? A dead baby wearing a clown suit.

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A sphere rolls around the corner and falls over.

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your mamas so fat she falls out f both sides of the bed

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What did the mouse say to the elephant that sat on him? Nothing, he died on impact.

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Why did the blonde drown in the bathtub? Her father repeatedly molested her and beat her mother, she no longer wanted to live in such a life and promptly committed suicide

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Yo Mama So Fat ... She Look Like Dis ///(*<>*)\\\ | | | | <=> <=>

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Q: What do you get when you cross an Elephant and a Rhinoceros? A: Merriam-Webster defines "cross" as "an affliction that tries one's virtue, steadfastness, or patience." This comedic exercise is one such affliction.

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What would Steve Jobs be doing today if he were alive? Dying.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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