If I have 12 backpacks and Jimmy has 91 pancakes, then how many marshmallows can cover the roof of this building? Purple. Because Aliens don't wear hats.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Knock, knock. MAN: Who's there? ... MAN: Hello? Anyone out there? ... MAN: Must be the wind.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

how to u kill a baby with no arms, throw it in a pool

thumb_up thumb_down +2

James' father died from being overweight. The next day in the mail, James received a coupon for Skinny's garcinia cambogia pills to help him lost weight. Simply put, it was not a good day for James.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

How do you turn a frown upside down? You cannot do such a thing because frowning is the act of sadness. Therefore you cannot nor should not change a persons attitude.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

why is your mom crying? i don't know but you should be nice and offer your support.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What did the fish say after it's head was cut off? Nothing, it was a fish.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Four blondes are driving to Disney World. When they are in Florida, there is a sign that says "Disney left" Upset, they make a u-turn and go home.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What doesn't kill you makes you...... A paraplegic

thumb_up thumb_down -40

Q:If Ryan Vallee walks into a room what do you do? A:Walk out -Ryan V

thumb_up thumb_down -7

what has two legs, and is red? half a cat.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Why did the tortoise cross the road? To get to the other side.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Lisa’ house needed to be painted and her brother offered to do it for her. Lisa thought it was a nice gesture and told him that she wanted the house in antique white. However; after painting the house, Lisa noticed that her brother had used a color with a dark yellow tone. ”Are you sure this is Antique white?” she asked him. ”Offcourse!” he said. Afraid of hurting his feelings, Lisa didn’t dare to say anything. Ten years later, the house needed to be painted again. This time Lisa wanted to hire a professional painter, but her brother insisted on doing for her. He brought the paint, which Lisa recognized as the same yellow paint, with a color that Lisa had really begun to hate. ”Brother, are you sure this is antique white?” she asked, forcing a seriousness in her voice. ”Offcourse!” he answered, and Lisa was still too embarressed to object. Her brother didn’t have an easy life and she didn’t want to break his confidence. So the house was painted, same as before. Lisa did however notice a strange light in her brothers eyes. Another ten years passed, and the house needed to be painted a third time. This time however Lisa had had enough. Though it was her brother, she had become increasingly ashamed of her house had even stopped having guests over. With a deep breath she picked up the phone and called up her brother, ready to confront him. A woman answered; it was his wife. She could hardly speak because of her sobbing. Unfortunately Lisa’s brother had been killed in a car accident earlier that day.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Whats worse than finding a jew in your bed. Jake skellern

thumb_up thumb_down +17

I never knew I was dyslexic. Then one day I showed up to a toga party dressed as a goat.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

your mom is so lesbian that in prder to have you she planted a seed in her vagina because she refused to have sex with a man

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Whats the difference between a mexican and a bench? a mexican is human being, and has no simalarities to an average day wooden bench.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Pikachu says "Pikachu!" Squirtle says "Squirtle!" Charmander says "Charmander!" Ash is upset because he cannot communicate with his Pokemon in their foreign tongue.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

What did the man with cancer say to the Holocaust survivor? "I have cancer."

thumb_up thumb_down +7

God is like semen. They're both nouns.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Knock knock "Who's there?" "Bark bark" "Bark Bark who?" "Bark bark bark bark bark bark."

thumb_up thumb_down -10

How many blondes does it take to dye their own hair black and act in an intelligent, sensible manner?

thumb_up thumb_down -50

Roses are blue Violets are green I have issues, What should I do?

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What's the best part about a birthday cake? Eating it.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops