you: "hey, is your refrigerater running?" random, confusded individual: "yeah" you: "oh."

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Thank you Jesus, for this wonderful meal we have tonight. De nada.

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If your flying upstream in a kayak and a wheel flys off, how many pancakes can fit into a dog house? None, because ice-cream is alergic to frogs!

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Your mama so stupid, she put 2 quarters in her ears and said she was istening to Fiftycent

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What did the buisness man say to the hobo? Nothing, he threw an apple at him and laughed!

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Three men walked into a bar. The last one ducked.

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How could you wake up Lady Gaga? poke her face

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A girl asks a Croatian bartender for a beer, the bartender replies, 'There is no beer in this bar.'

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A man walks into a bar. He I then taken to the hospital for a major head injury.

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A. THERE'S SOMETHING ON YOUR FACE B. WHAT?!? *PUNCH* A. IT WAS PAINNNNNNNNN

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What did batman say to robin before they got into the batmobile? Get in the batmobile.

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Why did Little Suzy get hit by a truck? Well the real question is, "Why was Little Suzy in the road," so why was she? Because she felt like it.

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Sonic

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Why did the girl fall off the swing? She got shot.

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why did the dog eat its breakfast of meat because he was hungry

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This is Nero, the guy striving a bit with the fact that he killed his mother in order to save his wife a month or so before Christmas: cathphra is Exceedingly well read, I say than you. I had a nightmare tonight, my parents where serving tomato soup, while my mother made great food (despite the fact they discovered that it was not angel dust she used, but large quantities of opiate that would have killed an elephant) But this time they served me dry tomato soup (that from packages) and a bowl of lukewarm soup. I asked: How am I supposed to mix this? They both gave me the look of "here comes a beating" I started calling my mother many things that horsehead network sensors, then my father grabbed my neck and tried to twist my head off (and in this dream, rather than in reality, he actually succeeded) but I somehow managed to remain alive. Then I yelled in english: THIS IS BECAUSE I KILLED YOU! I HAVE NO SOUL TO TAKE! Only then I realized it was a dream and woke up...You know, because my parents never spoke English so they would not have understood me... I have a broken vertebrae in my neck to prove that my father tried quite hard to break my neck in reality at least... Yeah, I am mostly over it, I killed my father when he tried to break my neck because I kept scatching my ortopedic arm while studying (real arm which my mother cut off and then proceeded to beat me up with funny story actually) Then killed my mother years later when she stabbed my girlfriend induced under what turned out to be a heavy dose of opiates, and paralgin forte (which main ingredent is... you guessed it MORE opiates).

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YOLO MAH BROLO

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why did the supermodel have sex with the janitor? she loved him. and he was brad pitt.

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Why did the cat throw up on the couch? because it was nauseous!

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God hates fags, no...god i'snt real

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Q. Why did the triceratops die? A. A giant meteor hit him.

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What's it called when an abusive alcoholic father iguana has trouble connecting with his wayward teenage drug addict son iguana, while at the same time the mother iguana doesn't come home till late hours and constantly calls her daughter iguana a slut? Reptile Dysfunction.

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A dyslexic Irishman walks out of a bra.

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I know how to make a brilliant telescope out of an empty jar, some leather, a string and a brilliant telescope.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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