What did the blondes left leg say to her right leg? Nothing they haven't met yet.

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What has four legs, and smells when it's wet? A wet dog.

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What does a Chinese girl get for Christmas? New parents...

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Whats worse than 20 dead babies in a garbage can? A: The smell

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Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish.........That's a government lake. You're under arrest.

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What do old people really like? Anal sex.

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How do you make a little girl cry twice? Rub your bloody dick on her teddy bear

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How do you confuse a blonde? Try and teach her the finer points of Quantum Physics without allowing her to take any notes, and then test her on it.

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What happened while Thomas crossed the street? He got hit by a truck. What happened to Billy? He was Thomas's Siamese twin, and he too met the same fate.

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What did the robet say to the centipede? Stop being a centipede. Its funny cuase the robot had no arms.

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A nun, a jew, and a black walk into a bar. The bartender says "What is this, a joke?"

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What did the muslim say when he boarded the plane? Where is my seat

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You can tell I have many friends because I got them to like this.

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what do you call someone with one arm? Handicapped.

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Think about this. I am lying to you right now.

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what do you do when a dog bites your ear off? you see that you are bleeding then you scream.

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A paralysed man falls over.

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What's worse than Fantasy Basketball? Playing Fantasy WNBA.

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Why can't Jimmy talk? He's dead.

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A doctor walks out of the delivery room and relieves A nervous father, telling him that his new baby girl has just been born with great health. The father sighs in relief as happiness overwhelms him. With such great news, the doctor chuckles and continues on with the rest of what he had to relay to the father. Your wife died during the delivery.

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Why did the Smartie get fired from the M&M factory? For throwimg out all the W&Ws

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How much wood could a wood chuck, chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood? They don't ACTUALLY eat or throw wood. Instead, they eat grasses and insects and pretty much everything else at ground level they can get their hands on. But they can, apparently, CHEW wood, and that's where the idea for this study came in. The authors decided to use the word "chuck" to mean "chew" (I suppose because upchucking is the opposite?), and wanted to see how much wood a woodchuck could chuck. They obtained 12 woodchucks (by "various means" that are not described, I picture some middle aged guy in a suit trying to stalk one), and food deprived them to ensure they would eat the wood. Then, they fed each woodchuck a 2x4 (yes) and watched how fast they ate it. All the woodchucks ate the wood, none actively attempted to toss it, and none upchucked. They could, apparently digest the wood pretty well, and consumed it at a rate of 361.9237001 cubic centimeteres per animals per day (no error bars, and the food deprivation was nuts, 12 days, leading me to think they didn't REALLY...). They note that, while none of the woodchucks attempted to throw the wood, they probably would have, had they been capable. So the next time someone asks you, how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? You answer is clear! He'd chuck 361.9237001 cubic centrimeters of wood per day, which is the wood that a woodchuck COULD chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood.

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Q:why did the woman make a sandwitch. A: cause she is a woman

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What do you feel when you kill a terrorist? Recoil -USMC

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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