A stand-up comedian quits his job. He has social anxiety and can't stand the pressure.

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Why was Jessica sad? She had just recently run over a few newborn puppies with her car.

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Ask me if I'm a watermelon. Are you a watermelon? No...

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What did the cricket say to the bear when it entered it's den? Nothing,crickets comunicate by rubbing their back legs together to create vibrations and sound,and it cannot be understood by any other animal besides crickets.

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What did the taxi driver say when the black man got in to his taxi? Where to sir?

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A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are all on a deserted island with no food or water. The redhead decides to try and swim to safety, but after a few hours of swimming she becomes to tired to carry on and drowns. After knowing their friend died, the two other women decide that swimming is not a viable option for rescue, so they decide to stay on the island. A few days later a search party rescues them.

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How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? As much as it is capable of. Personally depends on the weight of the wood.

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Knock knock Who's there? Doctor Doctor who? Doctor Adams. You called me about your father's stroke.

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A man walks into a bar. He bumps his head on the iron and has headaches for a week.

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How full could a skeleton's stomach possibly be? Replete with perceptible emptiness.

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I'm on the Seafood Diet. I eat seafood to replace fatty red meats, in conjunction with fruit and vegetables.

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whats difference between womens rights now and 10 years ago? nothing, they are both just lies men tell women to make them feel good.

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WHATS WORSE THAN THE HOLOCAUST A FLAT TIRE

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Guy 1: That's what she said! HAHAHA!!! Guy 2: That's what who said? Guy 1: I don't know. :/

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Bill: Did you hear someone said you sounded like an owl? Dave: Who?

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What do you call a bunch of whiteguys running down a hill? An Avalanche What do you call a bunch of black guys running down a hill? A Mudslide What do you call a bunch of mexicans running down a hill? A Jailbreak

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Q: What is the first thing you do if you wake up and meet the entire justice league(!!!) Which tells you that you are the "chosen one" and that only you can save the world once your true powers awaken? A: Increase your schizo medication.

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What do you call a vehicle has 56 wheels? Anything you want, because it hasn't been invented yet.

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Two muffins are in an oven. And by muffins I mean jews. They both die a horrible death.

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Why are small clowns and baby's alike? They both dreadfully die when hit in the face with an axe!

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why did everyone in the swimming pool move away from the woman... because she had a miscarriage

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Why do black people like watermelons so much? They don't. It's just a stereotype.

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A guy walks into a bar, and then is hit with the full force of all the things he never did in life, of how he wasted his younger years chasing a bigger paycheck rather than trying to live life, and all the love he wasted on people who didn't care about him. He begins to cry as his first drink arrives, and orders many more as the night passes. He loses his keys as he leaves and stumbles home in a drunken stupor, contemplating suicide.

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Why didn't Charlie Sheen lose? Because he's always winning.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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