What do you get when ned puts toast in the toaster? A fucking massive sperm whale.

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'Knock' 'Knock' Who's there? Open the door and you will find out douche.

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What has four legs, and smells when it's wet? A wet dog.

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So a guy goes to his doctor because he thinks he has an STD. He asks the doctor "how bad is it doc?" to which the doctor replies "Well, I got the test results and it doesn't look good. You've got chlamydia, gonorrhea, and onomatopoeia. The guy asks "What's onomatopoeia?" The doctor replies "It's exactly what it sounds like"

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Why couldn't little Sally talk? Someone stapled her tongue to wall.

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What does a Cuban do when he gets a flat tire? He pulls over and replaces it.

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give me a gun or i will shoot you i dont know what with but i will kill you so run run or i will come and get you

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What has an extra toe and is a bad role model for little girls? Miley Cyrus.

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Two Muffins in an oven One muffin looks at the other muffin and says: "Oohhhh it's hot in here!". Then the other muffin says: "Oohhhh a talking muffin!"

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What did the lawyer say to the other lawyer? "I'm going to kill everyone you've ever loved you fucking cocksucker, you think you can get away with sleeping with my wife? You better think again kiddo I will take away everything from you until you are reduced to a smoldering ruin of what you once was, mark my words bitch."

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What did Osama Bin Laden say to his barber? ????? ??? ?????? ??? ?????, which, in their native language means, I would like to get a haircut.

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Jesse is so fat that Roy is jealous of his big ass tits

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what did the monkey say to the breast cancer?

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Q:what's black and white and red all over? A:a panda bear that's been shot in the face.

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Your mama's so nice, she made me cookies once. And I enjoyed them.

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Two guys walked into a pub... and they totally redecorated it! It was brilliant.

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does this look unsure to you?

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Have you seen Stevie Wonder's house? Neither has he.

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An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Unless your father is a doctor and you live with him.

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Q. How do you punish Helen Keller? A. Rearrange the furniture in her room

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How do u get high, meet a leprachaun, and touch a rainbow? U find a leprechaun shoot him, steal his pot, and run up the rainbow silly!

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side.

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What did the black man say when he jumped in the pool? The water's nice, you should join me.

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When I was a kid, I had a clown at my birthday party. He molested me. Later I found out the clown was my dad.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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