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whats then difference between a jew and a pizza ? A pizza doesnt scream when its put in the oven .

what do you call a woman that didnt make you a sandwich? An ambulance

Why did the mexican mow the lawn. Because the grass in his front yard is longer than he likes it .

Q: Why is eminem such a good rapper? A: well if you want to know its becuase he had a bad childhood experience and and needed some money so he put hard work and dedication into rapping.

What happens when your read this? you don't laugh

A moth walks into a podiatrist's office. The podiatrist says, "Moth, what's the problem?" And the moth says, "What's the problem. Well, doc, where do I begin? Every day I get up to another cruel sky. It's like the sun is mocking me as I begin the gruelling preparations for another 8-hours of slogging in meaningless toil for my boss, Gregor McIvanichisky. A grey self, captive in a grey cubicle in a grey office with no windows that I might see the grey clouds beyond... I just sit in my cubicle as I feel the throbbing ache of the best days of my life being raped away into a monotonous, forgettable slurry of irrelevant corporate drudgery. I don't know what I'm doing, I don't think my boss even knows. All he knows is that he has power over me. And my children...my daughter is always on her cellphone, texting and emailing. I haven't spoken real words to her in weeks. My oldest son is never home and when he is, he's locked in his room listening to angry music. My youngest son, he's only 4, I look at him and he asks me to play... and I feel nothing. No love, no tenderness... just a void. And when I look in the mirror...I don't recognize the face staring back at me. It's aged so much from the boyish looks I remember. The years have carved deep lines of despair, worry and anguish. Dark, hollow eyes where once gleamed hope and excitement. Thin lips unable to find the smile of the happy, old days. If only I could find the courage to reach over to the side table and remove the loaded gun. And then find the strength to pull back that hammer as the chamber rotates, clicking solidly into place...Raising it to my temple for the final squeeze that will erase the last shreds of my existence from this cold grave of a life wasted away." And the podiatrist says, "Well, Moth, you're in pretty rough shape. You need to get some help. But why did you come to me? You need a psychiatrist!!" And the moth says... "Because the light was on."

A horse walks into a bar, realizes that he shouldnt be here so he walks out.

A squirrel got killed by getting hit by a truck haha its funny cuz the squirrel died

How do you get them out? Tortilla chips

So, a screw driver walks into a bar, and the bar tender sais "Hey Screw Driver" we have a drink named after you" the screw driver goes, "Really? You have a drink named Bob"

Why did the chicken cross the road? Peer pressure

What do you call postman pat without a job? Pat.

Q: Why didn't Little Jhonny go to school today? A: There was no school today.

Why couldn't the blonde divide 5 by 0? Because it's impossible to divide by 0.

Did you hear that Jerry Sandusky won the swimming race? He's in very good shape for a man his age.

meatspin.fr

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why was the boy crying? cause an elephant tusked him up the ass

y did simran cros rode? 2 get 2 uder side ofcurse. stopid nobs

What do an onion and a hamster have in common? They are both in my Grandma's omelette.

What do you call a 30 year old man with a large white van full of kids? A parent carpooling to the soccer game.

Knock Knock Who's there? Bob Bob Who? Bob the human.........

Where did Sudie go during the bombing? Everywhere.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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