Wanna know my life in a nutshell? Well you can't. Life is an inanimate object an will therefore not fit inside anything, let alone a nutshell.

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there were two cyclists cycling at a steady pace down a main road in china, one irish and the other chinese. now they happened to be cycling at exactly the same time and exactly the same pace. why did the irish cyclist get pulled over and the chinese not? because the irish cyclist had in fact brutally raped and murdered a young child in his home town and then fled the country to china.

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what do you call a gay guy? kevin

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What do you call it when someone walks on another person's head? It depends. Face up, fetish. Face down, hate crime.

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What did the Pope say to the old homeless man who asked him for a blessing? Hahaha, no I won't give you a blessing

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Why was Steve buried in Australia? Because he was dead.

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Q: what comes after 69? A: 70

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My girlfriend told me I couldn't satisfy her sexually. I told her she was beautiful and gave her flowers.

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Q. If the early bird gets the worm, what does the early worm get? A. Eaten...

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I like my women the way I like my coffee: Without a penis.

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Why didn't the skeleton go to the party? Because he was dead.

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Roses are red, violetes are blue, Your monkey sucks.

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What is more black than a Nigerian marathon runner? The night sky

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Your mom is so stupid she has to get homeschooled for college!

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Why did the black man bleed to death? He was stabbed, but he bled to death because his doctor had just prescribed him some blood-thinners for his serious headaches.

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what did the lawyer say to the other lawyer? were both lawyer's.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because he was dead

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What do you do when you're given a phonebook? You ask for their name.

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Why did the cow go over the hill? He didn't. He was pinned and slaughtered in a private owned animal torture facility.

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What do you call a deaf-black man that professionally generates maps of the world? A cartographer.

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Jesus walks into a hotel, slams four nails down on the counter, and says, "Put me up for the night!" The concierge looks at him and says, "You're not Jesus. Jesus was brutally murdered approximately 1,970 years ago. And although I may not be a believer, his teachings have brought comfort and solace to millions of people around the world. Nor do we accept nails as payment. Please remove yourself from the premises or I will call security."

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727-8088-954 Call Me. Say your name is Nick whether or not your a guy or a girl.

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A blonde fails an exam because she did not study

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Guess what? Random shit. Why? Because almost nobody looks at the newest jokes to realize that 99.999% of jokes that just say random shit never get above the 0 mark.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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