How many infants does it take to paint a house? Forty-Seven.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Q.What did the homeless kid get from santa? A. Play Doe. Because he was a good boy. Q.what did the Rich Kid get form santa? A Coal. Because he was a bod boy. The rich kid then got mad and threw the coal at the homeless kid hitting him on the head which killed him of enturnaly bleeding.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Johnny woke up christmas morning, went downstairs and opened his presents to find he had an iPhone, iPad,Ps3 Laptop, the full lot. Then his mate came around and Johnny bragged about all the stuff he had got. Then his mate replied," I wish i had cancer".

thumb_up thumb_down -9

A black man, a white man, and an Asian man walk into a bar. The black man says, "My wife died in a terrible book-keeping accident.". The white man says, "My wife died in a terrible lightbulb-sorting accident.". The Asian says, "My wife died in a terrible geography accident.". Soon after, the bar was hit by a missile, promptly killing the three men.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

what hurts more than getting shot in the arm Getting shot in both arms!

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Roses are red Violets are blue You touch yourself. I do, too.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Why did the sloth fall out of the tree? Because sloths often confuse their arm with a branch, grab on and fall to their deaths.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Whats the defination of cruelty

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? The holocaust

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Why was the black man crying? His wife left him, took his children, and most of his possessions in the divorce.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Wake up in the morning feeling like... Helen Keller

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Is that a threat or a promise? dragonflies

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What happened to the blonde that died her hair brown? Her hair turned brown.

thumb_up thumb_down +45

What happened to the blonde who blew out her birthday candles? Her hair caught on fire

thumb_up thumb_down -1

I like school Said no one ever.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

What did the mexican do after he finished his taco? He was eaten by a dinosaur.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

I meant to state that I threatened to kill him unless he refused to state that I broke his knees (and broke his wrists, I forgot to mention that too, such misery... ...Give a real man a chance here, its not every day I have to kill my mother... But you still wont hear me whining about it, asked my wife if she forgave me if I spent the rest of the day smirking, after all my mother "had visions" where my wife was Satan, which is fun, since I was also Satan the day I was born... Because my name is Nero... A NAME SHE GAVE ME! Still, not very dignifying getting the shit beat out that old hag because she was on some blend of angel dust, and still not so fun killing her by biting half her neck off... ...Literally not so fun, kinda fun? You bet, tasted disgusting, watching her choke to death was...Lets just say I have shared enough joy with you for one day.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

There's an Irishman, a homosexual, and a Jew standing at a bar. What a fine example of an integrated community.

thumb_up thumb_down +5,811

Whats the difference between a truck full of babies and a truck full of bowling balls? You can't unload a truck full of bowling balls with a pitchfork.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

how do you get a chicken to sleep you slit it"s neck,and feed the body to your pet tiger

thumb_up thumb_down -38

Q: What did the lesbian say to her partner? A: We cannot get married in forty five states.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

what is the difference between a Porsche and a pile of dead babes. when i saw the Porsche i told the guy nice car and he was like yea whatever then i went and killed 50 babes and lost conciseness when i woke up i saw the Porsche again and thought what a nice car and when i saw the babes i thought what kind of monster killed all those babes

thumb_up thumb_down -14

What did enzo give courtney for her 69th birthday? A cake that looked like a pussy cat named kyle

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Jesus walks into a hotel, slams four nails down on the counter, and says, "Put me up for the night!" The concierge looks at him and says, "You're not Jesus. Jesus was brutally murdered approximately 1,970 years ago. And although I may not be a believer, his teachings have brought comfort and solace to millions of people around the world. Nor do we accept nails as payment. Please remove yourself from the premises or I will call security."

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops