My three children are three big mistakes.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Why doesn't the mexican have a job? Grad school is taking up too much of his time.

thumb_up thumb_down +121

Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? Nothing

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Why did the Chicken cross the road? Because chickens can move and the road just happened to be in its path.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

A man is walking down the street when he stumbles upon a school, every school in the area had an American flag outside it, so he sees the flag and atop this flag a man is sitting and he doesn’t look comfortable. Next to the flag pole is a chair with a flag attached to it and the wind is as strong low down. So he looks at the man and says "Sir I think you may be using those wrong." The man on the flagpole says "why?" So he says well this chair is flat and made for sitting and this flag pole has a draw string for the flag. The man atop the flag pole says "I'm sure good will come of this…..im sure." the man says "What good could possibly come of this!" and the man on top of the flag pole looks at him and says "Later……………..you can tell this story to your friends and disappoint them when they find out theirs no punchline."

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What do you call a man with no arms and legs floating in the water? Nothing, because he would drown from his absence of limbs.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Whats worse than the holocaust? WNBA

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What do you call a box with a dead Jew in? A coffin.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

If life hands you lemons you're probably hallucinating

thumb_up thumb_down -9

so there are two muffins in an oven. one muffin says to the other muffin, "hey is it hot in here or is it just me?" the other muffin says, "holy sh*t your a talking muffin."

thumb_up thumb_down -11

A student goes up to the teacher because he has to go to the washroom. The teacher tells him that he has to sing the ABC's before he can go. So the boy sings, "ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ." The teacher said he did a perfect job and could go to the washroom. The boy went on to become a billionaire. Congrats!

thumb_up thumb_down -8

A lady goes into the store to buy potatoes. Then she eats them.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

a woman leaves the kitchen.......

thumb_up thumb_down +13

what happened to the guy that got shot in the head? Nothing, it was a water gun.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What do you call a Middle Eastern man flying a plane? A pilot

thumb_up thumb_down +8

A woman goes to the hospital to receive an ultra-sound after taking a pregnancy test a few weeks before. The doctor comes out and says "Congratulations Susanne would you like to know the results? Susanne says "No thank you." Then, the doctor says "Good, because its actually a retarded baby that we found."

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Cliterus

thumb_up thumb_down -7

What did the jew get for christmas nothing because he doesnt celebrate christmas.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Pickup line: Hey babe, do you work at a grocery store? Because I wanna spill some milk on the floor so they can call spill on aisle 9 and I'll be there waiting for you and watch you clean my mess.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Why does Mario wear coveralls? Because it makes practical sense for his full time job as a plumber.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

There was once a little boy... Boy: Daddy, I am so proud of you that when I grow up I want to be just like you! God: Son how dareth thou! That is a horribleth and shameful wish! I just called the adoption agency thy areth noteth my... er.. sonneth anymoreth! NOW GO TO HELL! Oh, and you get same powers as I by the way, just for Good measure or something, except I can destroy you whenever I want, I just do not want to because your evil will hopefully make me look good in comparison after I rid the world of the first testament anyways :P Boy: Yay? :( Where is hell by the way? Moral: That little boy grew up to become... SUPERMAN! While Satan never discovered what hell was since its a concept added by corrupt priests around the 1700`s in order to scare people into following their God instead.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Why didn't Fred answer his phone? Because Fred is a tree.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What happened to the mentaly retarted gentleman walking down the street? Nothing bad. He might a very fine woman and the went to dinner shortly after.

thumb_up thumb_down -47

why do midgets surf in kitchens? because of microwaves.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops