on a scale from voldemort to nigel thornberry, how big is your penis?

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how does stephen hawking get an erection? he turns off his pop-up blocker

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What did the boy with no arms or legs get for christmas? Nothing, he also had no parents.

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What do you call a fake noodle An impasta

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Roses are red, violet are blue I have AIDS

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Knock knock Who's there doorbell Doorbell who Doorbells can't knock

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What does Malcolm X think about when hes horny? Sex!

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what did the little girl find when she opened the freezer in her basement? food.

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What is really hard around Kim Kardashian? Diamonds.

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Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? Getting raped by a giant scorpian. Whats worse than getting raped by a giant scorpian? Getting tortured to death. Whats worse than being tortured to death? Getting raped by a giant scorpian, and getting tortured to death. Whats worse than that? Getting raped by a giant scorpian, getting tortured to death, and finding a worm in your apple.

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Your mother is so obese, that when shot with a high velocity round from a handgun, the bullet is unlikely to penetrate the several layers of fat protecting her vital organs, like a fleshy kevlar vest. However, she is likely to die from infection, which is highly commom among gunshot wounds.

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Knock Knock! Who's there? ....Mrs Murray silently returned to her armchair, a single tear rolling down her weathered cheek. Her lonely existence deepened, as she realised the gang of boys had fooled her again.

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Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a tomato

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A black, asian, and white guy jump off a building, who lands first? Well, according to newton's law of gravitation every massive particle in the universe attracts every other massive particle with a force that is directly proportional to the product of their masses and inversely proportional to the square of the distance between them. It depends on who weighs the most

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TWIX PAUSE!

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Math: "If I have 5 bottles in one hand and 4 in the other, what do I have?" Answer: "An unreasonable amount of bottles to hold in two hands."

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Frontbut-

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Why did the woman drop her baby? she had a stroke.

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What is the biggest lie in the universe? "I have read and agree to the Terms of Service"

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Yo mamma so fat not even Dora can explore her

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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs? A man with no arms and no legs

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what do fish smoke? sea weed

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Knock knock. Nobody answers because the homeowner was out of the house at the time.

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Women's rights

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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