Why did the accident happen? The breaks on the car stopped working. Why did the breaks stop working? The driver was drunk.

thumb_up thumb_down -33

One day, an Irishman, a Jew and an American were walking home from a long game of golf. "God, that was a long game" said the American, to which the Irishman replied "aye, that it was." The Irishman then turned to the Jew, and asked him how he managed to get two birdies in succession. The Jew, after a moment of deliberation, began to explain. "Well, it all began when I was six. See, there was a mountain right next to Casparia, the village I lived for most of my life back in Wales. Every day, I'd come back from school, and ask my dad why nobody ever attempted to scale the mountain. 'To do so would be an unnecessary risk, son, and people are too busy working to put food and water on the tables for their families to undertake something so foolish.' One night, when insomnia was getting the better of me, I decided to get a better look at the mountain, so I strapped on my boots, my fur coat and some woolly mittens and left for the mountain. After a few hours of walking, I approached the closest hill which gave me a perfect view of the mountain's first peak, and there I spotted a polar bear, mauling a hiker to death." The Jew paused to check the Irishman and the American were following, when the American spoke up; "hold on there, there aren't any polar bears in Casparia!" The Irishman also spoke up; "there isn't even a village called Casparia, well, anywhere!" The Jew smiled slightly, and a few seconds later the smile broke out into a gigantic grin, and he finally replied: "exactly".

thumb_up thumb_down -4

What do you get when you cross a cantaloupe and a dog? "Melon-choly"

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Q: what r u eating under there? A: underwear ewww thats nasty

thumb_up thumb_down

A man walks outside and walks back in. Why? Because it was raining purple unicorns and he felt the need to go back inside.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

knock knock who's there? to to who? to whom*

thumb_up thumb_down +24

If a llama walks into a jewelry store and a carrot has no feathers, then why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't. It got hit by a car because chickens are simple creatures and don't understand the complex rules of the road.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

i died. new product by steve jobs. also presenting icoffin, and next year icoffin 2. slightly slimmer with a lock button to keep zombies out.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Kanye West walks into a bar. As he is a very popular celebrity, he is recognized instantly. The patrons mob him, asking for pictures and autographs. He is in a pleasant humour that evening, so he indulges them. Some laughs are had, he buys lots of drinks, and takes home two beautiful women. Such is the life of a celebrity. ...but that still doesn't make him happy.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

The EPA.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

why did the window washer lose his job. because he fell off and died.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

What's the deal with airplane food? I've never tried it. I'm just curious how it was.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

what did hercules parents tell him? You're adopted

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What do you call a nun who is just walking around? A Roman Catholic

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What do you call a black man standing on top of a church? "Holy-Shit."

thumb_up thumb_down -22

If 3 days ago was yesterday and today is Friday, how many legs does 7 dogs, 3 ducks, and 2 chickens have if the answer was red? Okay, not to sound rude but I'm gonna take a wild guess and say.....yo mama is so fat when she read this joke she ate the whole bucket of popcorn and didn't even share.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

I had an amnesia joke But it was written down on a slip of paper because someone else wrote it down. Let me just take it out & read it to you

thumb_up thumb_down -46

A man sees Bill Murray at a restaurant in Los Angeles and tells his friends about the incident. They believe the story, because it is entirely plausible that it actually happened.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

When does Adolf Hitler get horny? When his hormones start at it when looking at women.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Why did Dr. Phil fall of the swing? He couldn't figure out the couples problem.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Yo' momma is so old she should probably go to the doctor and check her health so she can live a longer, more healthy life.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

An elephant walks into a bar. It was so big that it broke a lot of things.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

How do you get a lawyer out of a tree? Lean a ladder against the tree and reassure them if they are apprehensive.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Did you know that if you say "gullible" slowy, it still sounds like you're saying "gullible."

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops