Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the sea, this captain and his crew were always in danger of being boarded by pirates from a pirate ship. One day while they were sailing, they saw that a pirate ship had sent a boarding party to try and board their ship. The crew became worried, but the Captain was calm. He bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!" The First Mate quickly got the Captain's red shirt, which the captain put on. Then he led his crew into battle against the mean pirates. Although there were some casualties among the crew, the pirates were defeated. Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending two boarding parties towards their ship. The crew was nervous, but the Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!" And once again the battle was on! The Captain and his crew fought off the boarding parties, though this time more casualties occurred. Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's events when an ensign looked at the Captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?" The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, explained, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the blood, so you men will continue to fight unafraid." The men sat in silence. They were amazed at the courage of such a man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, 'Bring me my white flag!"

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save me from the nothing ive become

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What was the little boys least favorite part of Christmas? Getting raped by his uncle.

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How did the old man climb the hill? He didn't.

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Knock knock. Who is their? Grammar. Grammar who? Of course you don't know.

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Roses are red, violets are blue, if i gave a rats ass, I'd worry about you.

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What did the leper say to the prostitute? "I am an undercover police office and you're under arrest for prostitution, ma'am."

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Slow and steady wins the race, But only in some cases. Mostly never.

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Why was the little girl sad? Because she was brutally raped up the ass

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What smells like shit and is covered in cheese? Sean's pizza socks.

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why did the girl die. because she was bullied and abused everyday by her family and friends. she was homeless and was forced to drop a bomb on her own forest. there fore she stabbed herself.

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I pooped.

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Ask me if im a truck are you a truck no

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Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new house? No. Neither has he.

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Why did the girl drop her cookie? She had no arms.

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She loves me, she dosn't love me, she loves me, the girl walks up to the man and says, she doesn't love me

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What do you call a mix between a mexican and a octopus? Actually, at this moment in time it is physically and morrally impossible to do such a thing. Scientists have yet to find a way to split the genes and create a cross species. lol jk its called a moctapus.

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The doctor asks the patient how he's doing, the patient says fine. The doctor says "that's weird cause you have leukemia."

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you know whats weird about italians? their italian

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A: Ask me if I'm a tree! B: Are you a tree? A: No.

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What is the difference between and Jew and a Boy Scout? The Boy Scout comes back from camp.

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HEY are you aware of how tired your suitcase is? Sorry, I rest my case.

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A man walks into a bar. Jeremy Lin congratulates him for being a person.

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Why couldn't the girl eat her pizza? She had no face.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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