What do you call a guy so fat that he can't fit in a bath tub? A guy so fat that he can't fit in a bath tub.

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yo mama is so fat that they call her fat mama

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A man with Tourette's syndrome walks into a bar. Because of his disease, he shouts unexpected profanities across the room, and everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the humiliation anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom, pulls out a gun, and points it at his head. His wife walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and he notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to make. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. Shocked and afraid, he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentenced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man still suffers from Tourette's and cannot control his ticks and rots in jail. He continues to scream random obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

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If one train is heading North at 60 mph, na danother train is heading South at 45 mph, how many waffles are on the roof? The answer is purple, because aliens like coffee.

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salad days!

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Why does it take women to cum slower than men? Who cares

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how do you make a orange juice. get orange juice and pour it in a cup.

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A mother with a bum hip and her son go to walk up a set of stairs in the mall. The floor was slippery because the janitor just mopped the floor. They decide to take the elevator instead.

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Three blondes walk into a bar. They have an intellectual conversation over some drinks.

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Your Mom!!!

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Dude, i know this guy, who knew this guy named Ben, who knew this guy named Valen, who knew this guy named Chad and he said.... Ben's Dead.

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What do you call a kid with an eye-patch and a speech impediment? Names.

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Sir, your wife is dead

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How do you get 100 Africans in a phone box? Throw a can of beans in there.

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Why can't Tommy ride a bike? Because Tommy is a goldfish.

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How much cabbage is in sean's teeth? lots, like it's rotting in there

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What's worse than accidentally biting your tongue? Hitler accidentally biting your tongue.

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How come the dog didn't want to go into the sun? -Because it didn't want to turn into a hotdog.

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THERES AN APP FOR ANTI JOKES ? now thats not funny !

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What did the cat say to the other cat? Woof.

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Did you hear that Jerry Sandusky won the swimming race? He's in very good shape for a man his age.

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Why did the sloth cross the road To fuck your gay cousin

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Knock knock Who's there? April April who? April fools

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How do you make time fly? You throw a clock out a window.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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