Cornflakes were an accident, so was Chernobyl

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Why cant your mom breathe She chockin on my D**K

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A pirate walks in to a bar. The bartender notices he has a steering wheel in the front of his pants, so he says to the pirate, "you know you've got a steering wheel in your pants, huh?" The pirate responds, "Arrrrrrrrr, it's for me carrrrr."

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Why did the man eat the apple? He had just witnessed a cow butchering and decided to become a vegitarian the moment he got home. He now lives in 1st degree depression because of what he saw 2 hours ago.

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A horse walks into a butcher shop and asks for two apple pies. The butcher says "sorry, but we don't have apple pies. It's a butcher shop." And the horse says "nevermind, I came here on my bike."

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how many Ethiopians can you fit in a bathtub? all of them.

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What is brown and sticky? Syrup.

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Gotta disappoint you there, you see there are hundreds, perhaps thousands of similar organizations which work for the government, and those I work for are black ops, meaning that I would be putting my life in danger if I told you anything about it besides that fact. Its not listed anywhere, its not FBI, its not legislated by any government yet many governments invest their funds there, you could call it something like the interpool, and something like the underground society, except its multi-government driven... A term I sincerely do not fully understand myself, I have certain talents I put to use, but I lack the education in order to be more than a employee for these people.

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A man walks into a bar, He is a severe alcoholic and is slowly drowning himself in booze. The man exits the bar after several hours of heavy drinking and walks home. He enters his home to discover a man in bed with his wife. After the first ten seconds of paralyzing rage, he grabs a .44 Magnum and brutally murders his wife and her bed mate. The man realizes he has woken up his two month old, and after thinking of the horrible act he has committed, he promptly raises the pistol to his temple and pulls the trigger. Oh, I almost forgot, the man was schizophrenic and has never been married.

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"Knock knock" "Who's there?" "Your landlord, clear out your stuff by tuesday"

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Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new girlfriend? Neither has he.

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Chuck Norris doesn't do pushups, his personal trainer designed a regiment for him that didn't involve them.

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Q: Why do Japanese people have eyes that look like they're stretched to the side of their head? A: When they are born, they come out head first, and their eyes are stretched to the side of their head and are stuck in that position due to the sticky, glue like substance found inside a woman's stomach.

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How can you tell if a duck is under your bed? Look under your bed

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Wanna hear a dirty joke? The pig rolled in the mud!

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An elephant walks into a bar..what the hell

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A man walks into a bar. It hurt.

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Your mother is so retarded. How retarded is she? Very retarded.

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What did the gun say to the pencil? Draw

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What do you call someone who doesn't have a soul? A ginger

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Two men are walking. The first one ask "what time is it?". They die.

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Why was little Tommy scared? Because he'd just been abducted by a psychopathic rapist.

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What did Little Jimmie say to his mom when he got home frome school? Nothing his moms dead.

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Guns don't kill people. Dangerous minorities do.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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