How do get a cat to like you? Give it lots of love and attention

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how did the woman get her baby to stop crying? she hit him with a axe

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An old man, and his daughter are walking down the street. They are having a nice time, until the daughter turns around to see the old man lying on the ground in pain because of the crippling arthritis in his back that has caused him agony and discomfort for years.

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A kid asks his mom: "Mom, what would I be when I grow up?" And so his mother answers: "You won't grow up, you have cancer"

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A man walks into a bar. The bartender asks "What can I get for you?" The man replies, "a drink"

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What do you call a person who is deaf. It doesn't matter, they wont be able to hear it when you call them.

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What do you call a calculator without a brain? A calculator.

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What's the difference between an American and a Russian? One's American and one's Russian.

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Why did the man throw the clock out the window? Because he overslept and missed a job interview and a chance to support his family.

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What did the leper say to the prostitute? "How much?! No thanks, I think I'll shop around."

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What do you get when you put a dog in a cage. Cantaloupes

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Q:Where does a woman work at if she has a job? A: IHOP!!!

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What did the President give his wife for her birthday? Women's Rights.

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What's black and is as fast as a car? A black car.

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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "Why the long face?" The horse does not respond because it is a horse, thus lacking cognitive capacity to speak nor understand English. It is confused by its surroundings and promptly defecates on the floor then gallops out of the bar, knocking over a few chairs and tables.

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What do you call a duck playing a trombone? Hallucinations

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Q: What's brown and sticky? A: A stick.

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SCP-009-J is missing. Where has it gone? Is it under the table? Was it sat upon? Is it there on the ceiling? Is it under the rug? Was it gobbled right up by a quantum pillbug? Did it run through the tunnel? Did it fall down the stair? Was it sent back in time to a carnival fair? Did it get on a train to a far-away place? Is it locked in a falsified beacon from space? Did it fall in the oobleck and [DATA EXPUNGED]? If it clogged up the sink, will it have to be plunged? Just where has SCP-009-J gotten to? Oh wait, that's right! SCP-009-J is you!

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Why did the batmobile lose a wheel? Because the Joker was raping Robin too hard!

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Do you know why I am excited? I don't know I'm asking you.

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A horse walks into a bar, the bartender asks him, "Would you like a drink?". The horse cannot understand english and is confused by its surroundings. The horse gallops out of the bar knocking over a few stools

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what do you call a black priest? holy shit!

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Why do Mexicans get made fun of? Because they are Mexican

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what do you call an astrounaut in space? an astrounaut you racist bastard

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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