what has 50 legs, but can't walk? half of a centipede

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What do you call a muslim flying a plane? A pilot

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What do you call a deaf person whom is behind the wheel of a car about to run off a cliff? ....

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What did michael J. Fox say when someone asked him to play catch? "sorry, I'm busy".

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"knock knock" "Come in"

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whats the difference between a jew and a pizza? the pizza doesn't scream when it goes in the oven.

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My grandma has this joke where she says "knock knock." I say "who's there?" She says "I can't remember" and starts to cry

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Knock, Knock? Who's there? Boo. Boo who? Why are you crying? I'm not crying. Oh.

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(SPOILER ALERT) The following are a few punchlines: "I didn't know what you did, but I stepped on a duck!" "I can't believe I just blew thirty bucks!" "Hold on buddy, I'm about to save you $10,000" "To get to the other side!" "Because 7, 8, 9!" "She had no arms!" "A fridge!" "I don't have Ferrari in my garage!" "The clown can stay, but the Ferengi in the gorilla suit has to go!" "And if it wasn't for my horse, I wouldn't have spent that year in college!" "It was stapled to the chicken!" "I proved it to him." "The holocaust" "Red paint" "A stick." "I wished for a big orange head." "No." "A bicycle is an object and a black man is a human being." "A pilot." "The papa tomato steps on him and says ketchup." "You left your engine running!" "That's what she said." "TV watches you!" "I think so Brain, but where will we get that many cucumbers at this time of night?" "Rectum? Damn near killed him!" "One but it takes two episodes and the bald guy dies."

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What did the ethiopian give his wife for her birthday? HIV

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What's green, fuzzy, and if it falls out of a tree and lands on you, you'd die? A pool table.

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An ant walks into a bar. Nobody Notices...

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Why was the Asian women crossing 8 lanes of traffic with no blinker? Poor chink had a seizure.

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How did Steve Jobs die? Of cancer, in a bed, and surrounded by his loved ones.

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A blonde girl is lying dead on the floor with a potato peeler in her hand, what killed her? Substance abuse and loneliness.

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What is black, white, and red all over? A penguin in a blender

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Jimmy went to a bar, to see a stand up comedian, he heard the standup comedian tell a funny joke, so after the show, he went home and told his wife the joke and after that he said, i made that up, im funny arent i, the wife seemed shifty, so she googled the joke and found the stand up comedians joke, giggled and then proceeded to continue back angrily to Jimmy, because he just did the wrong thing, she slapped Jimmy in the face, divorced Jimmy and killed his 3 children because Jimmy plagurised, and plagurism is illegal, and now Jimmy has no children, and a red mark on his cheek and knows he did the wrong thing don't smoke kids

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Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? Getting thrown in to a car and raped violently.

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why didnt the llama eat the string bean? Becuz he was a vegetarian

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Q: whats better than having sex? A: nothing

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Miss Jones has 10 apples on her desk. Billy takes half of them away and runs. What does Miss Jones have? 5 apples and a complaint filed for smacking Billy with a ruler.

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knock knock whos there banana banana who knock knock whos there orange orange who orange you glad I didn't say banana

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TONIGHT WE DINE IN HELL! Cant we just dine at McDonalds? ITS THE SAME THING! Moral: Personally I love the taste of cardboard meat...

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whats the difference between a black and a bunk bed? a bunk bed can support 2 kids.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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