What did the kid say to the ginger? You're gay.

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The Christian Bible.

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Roses are red, my name is not Dave, this poem makes no sense, microwave.

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you...

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Once upon a time, there was a a loving couple. When they first kissed, the girl's heart skipped a beat, but it wasn't because of love. It was a heart murmur. She died. The end.

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What do you call a person from China? Chinese, duh.

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What do a tree and a boy have in common? They both cry when you hit them with an axe... except the tree.

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I wonder where the hell Hitler is

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What's worse than losing a basketball game by 1 point? Dying of lukemia.

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Why did the plane crash Because Joe diragi is so fat

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Your mumma is so fat she was mistaken for an opera singer in a quite awkward confrontation. she was embarrassed and walked out crying

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What do you call a cannibal who won't eat his own brother? A pussy.

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what did the dead cat say to the dead dog? Nothing, they're dead

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Two friends sit down to dinner, the third is late so they eat him

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What did the Pope say to the old homeless man who asked him for a blessing? Hahaha, no I won't give you a blessing

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What's the difference between a terrorist and Bill Gates? One founded a successful software company, and the other commits mass murder of civilians for political gain.

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"Doctor, Doctor! I feel like I'm a dinner roll!" Yes, well that's a side effect of your brain cancer.

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What did the homeless man get for his birthday? AIDS

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roses are red violets are blue i shouldnt be on this cause im in class

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What did the sea say to the penguin? Nothing it just waved..

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this site is funny.

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Whats worse than biting into an apple and finding half a worm? Biting into another apple and finding the other half

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How much wood could a wood chuck, chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood? They don't ACTUALLY eat or throw wood. Instead, they eat grasses and insects and pretty much everything else at ground level they can get their hands on. But they can, apparently, CHEW wood, and that's where the idea for this study came in. The authors decided to use the word "chuck" to mean "chew" (I suppose because upchucking is the opposite?), and wanted to see how much wood a woodchuck could chuck. They obtained 12 woodchucks (by "various means" that are not described, I picture some middle aged guy in a suit trying to stalk one), and food deprived them to ensure they would eat the wood. Then, they fed each woodchuck a 2x4 (yes) and watched how fast they ate it. All the woodchucks ate the wood, none actively attempted to toss it, and none upchucked. They could, apparently digest the wood pretty well, and consumed it at a rate of 361.9237001 cubic centimeteres per animals per day (no error bars, and the food deprivation was nuts, 12 days, leading me to think they didn't REALLY...). They note that, while none of the woodchucks attempted to throw the wood, they probably would have, had they been capable. So the next time someone asks you, how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? You answer is clear! He'd chuck 361.9237001 cubic centrimeters of wood per day, which is the wood that a woodchuck COULD chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood.

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Knock knock whos there? Its me, your doorbell is obviously broken Okay, hold on a sec. Please hurry up, its really cold I cant seem to find my key Its probably on the coffeetable, where you always keep it. No, its not there Check the floor underneith Oh, right, there it is.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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