When I was in 4th grade, I was fat. The other kids would take my lunch and spit in all the food, then give it back. Teachers started to wonder why I wasn't eating, and soon began to ask me if I was anorexic. I replied, "do I look anorexic!?" I'm now 6 foot 3 and weigh 56 pounds. *FUN FACT: based on a heartwarming true story.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What did the basketball player do before he scored a basket? Shot the basket ball

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Whats small yellow and cant swim? A short bus full of autistic children.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Q. Why did the boy drop his ice cream? A. Because he slipped on his moms three day old tampon.

thumb_up thumb_down -99

Roses are red Violets are blue Chrome won't stop crashing randomly F*ck Chrome

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Kendall and Nick Fredick

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she's DEAD!

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Roses are red, Violets are red, Shrubs are red, Trees are red, Holy shit my garden's on fire!

thumb_up thumb_down -42

Knock knock *open*

thumb_up thumb_down -16

One man was interested in purchasing poultry. He found it was as very wise investment in that he enjoyed the resulting pleasure immensely.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

when i'm away from home i sometimes get love sick, well they call it chlamydiae.

thumb_up thumb_down

21 Ways to Annoy Everybody 1) Pretend to be one of the Bush family. Doesn't matter which. 2) Have an uncontrollable lusting for someone else every five minutes. 3) Pretend to be from different ethnic backgrounds every hour, and when people ask you about it, answer like a hillbilly would. 4) Act like a hillbilly. Period. 5) Improvise Italian operas. 6) Gossip about someone to their face. 7) Answer every question with a question. 8) Repeat yourself constantly. 9) Act like a member of the opposite sex. 10) Repeat yourself constantly. 11) Act like Mr. Flanders from The Simpsons. 12) Repeat yourself constantly. 13) Change what you repeat every now and then. 14) Use homonyms in your e-male that the spell cheque would knot sea as miss steaks. 15) Change what you repeat every now and then. 16) Talk to someone while looking at somebody else. 17) Employ in your casual banter extensive vocabulary that will befuddle thy contemporaries. 18) Change what you repeat every now and then. 19) One word: Caffeine. 20) Another word or two: Caffeine and Sugar. 21) stringwhateveryousayintoonelongwordsoitshardtomakeoutwhatyou'resaying.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=LJP1DphOWPs#!

thumb_up thumb_down +43

Whoever is reading this, I love you and I hope you have a great day.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Why were the floors of the movie theaters so sticky? Spilled beverages.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

whats worse then having sex with a blonde? having sex with a cactus

thumb_up thumb_down +13

"I see London; I see France..." "Wow. You must have exceptional eyesight."

thumb_up thumb_down +30

what is big and white? Your Mom

thumb_up thumb_down +2

If a red house is made out of red bricks, and a blue house is made out of blue bricks, what is a green house made out of? Green bricks.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Tiny timmy likes timmy turner in his time of tingling on christmas.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

What did one muffin say to the other in the oven? Nothing. They're muffins.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she had no arms.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

What happens if you're in the middle of counting towels? You finish counting your towels.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Why are black people like trees? Because they fall down if you hit them multiple times with an axe.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops